debbie1963 Posted December 2012
Mom won't stop spending money.
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My mom will buy things just for the sake of making the purchase! I have POA, but she refuses to give up her credit cards or bank card. She buys things she does not need and does not use and a lot is wasted food purchases. She gets mad when I tell her she does not need these items and is wasting money. Without taking her cards away, how can I get her to stop buying everything she sees!
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She went to the ATM and had no problem at all remembering her pin. However she gave the money she got out to the nearest passer by. Now in the UK she is limited to how much she can withdraw and thankfully it was only 300 pounds (about 450 dollars)
She then went shopping but didn't have any cash and caused such a fuss because she couldn't understand who had stolen her money (the same money she gave away) that the store called the police for her. At this point no-one in the store realised she had dementia.
Can you imagine what would have happened if she had tried to use prop money in that same situation? How upset she would have been to find that she didn't have real money - if she could understand that?
So while your idea for nursing homes might be fine it isn't for the people who are still somewhat integrated with the outside world as we know it.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from but its not a route I would opt for because it could cause more problems than it solves
I have literally given the prop money away to help. I know families that have suffered through it. We havr literally given it away for free to help people.
I was trying to be helpful. If that somehow offended you, I cant imagine why.
You might not know who we are, but i am the owner and President. We are the folks who make the props for most of the shows you see on TV and in thr movie theatre.
I occassionally go on this site to help folks with dementia. If they feel like they have some degree of control over their live, abd they they have a sense of pride, yhen i know we did the right thing to help a family in need
Sincerely
Rich RJ R.
Thank you, Admins!
I have had serious words with our local church over much smaller amount but in terms of what she usually gave was about 8 times what was the norm. We have reached an agreement. I will donate the money on her behalf when it is donation time and they will give me a receipt
In return I won't contact the police to contend that they are harassing her and demanding money from someone incapable of making that level of financial decisions.
How did I come to that conclusion. Well nothing is simple and Mum got right up on her high horse and told me she would do what she wanted and I was only after her money - I didn't tell her I could access what I wanted any time I wanted but DONT. Eventually when she calmed down we had a fun quiz - I showed her pictures of things and she had to put a price on them - she could have a sweet for every one she got right - (she could have them anyway but this made it more fun)
It was an interesting little game. Mum hadn't got a clue about money - While she knew the picture of the apartment would mean a lot of money she put £1000 on it instead of 200k
She knew a stairlift was expensive and put a value of £100 on it instead of 3-5k for the one I showed her
But when I showed her a picture of a holiday advert to USA she put a value of 20k on it
Weekly groceries? £5
A carton of milk in your money about 10 cents
A car? £100
Yet when I asked her about flowers she was spot on, when she saw chocolate spot on, when I asked her about cake again almost exact.
So don't think they actually know the values of money - test it for yourself.
We have also played another game using monopoly money funnily enough. We play shop and I give her the money and she has to give me change. Now my mum used to be a bank manager but now she cannot do that simple sum so I really do KNOW that I have to take control
She luckily only donates to St Judes!
Darn I forgot I am Ms not St - Oh well
As to old clothing, seguing into that nostalgic age, I've been trying to find my old ballet slippers and tap shoes that I wore when we took dancing lessons when I was a child. I wish Mom had had a saving instinct for those; they probably mean more to me now than they did when I took the lessons.
An elder could accidentally use it to purchase something and be arrested for trying to pay with counterfeit money even though said money has changes to it that would make it play money, but how many cashiers would know that. Or send it to the grandkids who in turn would believe it was real and try to use it. I wouldn't want to put a child through something like that.
Among my Mom's clothes were clothing I had back when I was in my 20's that Mom liked and I handed them down to her, and she wore the clothing. Good grief, those clothes are almost 60 years old and still look pretty good. That was back when clothes were made to last :)
This doesn't seem above board to me either.
Hence the attraction and lure of "charities", especially veteran and animal charities. My father generally relies on me to check out the salaries of CEOs as a determination of whether or not to give, and of course they're always above $100K (except for Salvation Army). That usually stops it. The ones who make $200K and $300K don't even get a second thought.
What really irks me are all the right wing nuts trying to get money for their political activities to impeach Obama, or hassle immigrants, or whatever offensive plots they're using to deprive people of their money.
The only ones I like are those that include a SASE, which I fill with junk mail and return to them. The little paper circles that are created by 2 and 3 hole punches are also nice filler. Imagine the mess they make when someone pulls out their donation form, it spills open and little paper circles fly all over the place.
One of the catalogues that repeatedly comes to me even though I've never bought anything from them includes some, shall we say, very intimate items for intimate activities either between a male and a female or for solo use. Gross in terms of mail etiquette, but solicitors don't count. I cut out those pages and send them to the right wingers.
Another catalogue has what is jokingly describes as a "redneck plunger", a plunger with the shaft being a rifle barrel and the handle that of a rifle. I send those to the right wingers as well.
When another one of those offensive Carson solicitations comes, it's almost always with a SASE. I fill it with Democratic propaganda that I've been saving, then write all over the front and back of the envelope "Hillary in 2016! Vote Democratic! Hillary for President!"
Small way to get back at the harrassers.
What I have tried to do is rechannel the giving instinct to neighbors who help us, to MOW with its generous volunteers, and worthy recipients.
My mother and father are (were) hoarders. My mother would buy food. When I first got here, I took her grocery shopping. It was like being with a kid, grabbing this and that off the aisles. I would tell her we already had 10 of something and didn't need any more. She would get so mad. Shopping with her was awful. The kitchen, refrigerator, and freezer showed her buying habits. They were stacked full, with some food dating back 20 years. This was the first hoard I tackled when I got home.
My father also liked to donate money to veteran groups and the humane society. I refuse to give money to either, anymore. They showed themselves to be predatory, unfortunately. When I give to the humane society, I give directly to the local one. That way the money goes to the animals and not the fundraisers. And veteran groups -- there's so many of them now that soon we're going to have one group for every veteran. It is really sad when fundraisers use a worthy cause to raise money for themselves. We have to be careful which veteran charity to give to. Some give very little to the ones they are supposed to be helping.
Do you mean, if I give you the money that I am responsible for as rep-payee for my husband, you will replace it with 'props money', so he can spend it?
How does that work in the U.S.A. and the Federal Reserve?
Can you please explain how you can charge for this service, and even if someone's heart is in the right place, how can this be legal?
My mother's completely dependent on my father for money. She doesn't work, and has no work skills. My father's in his mid-60s, is becoming more fragile (physically), and wants to retire. However, he can't retire yet because my mother is spending all. of. his. money.
My mother has two children: me and my brother. I'm a junior in college and am financially independent, aside from my father paying my student tuition and giving me money when I see him, which I always try to slip back into his pocket. My brother is also a spending machine. He's going to college next year.
My mother used to be busy taking care of my brother and I: taking us to the doctor, to practice, to school, etc. But since we've grown up, she's had less responsibilities to fulfill. So, what does she do? Shop for groceries and useless odds and ends, and I know this is because spending money is the only independence she feels she has.
What can I do to stop her erratic spending? We've told her to stop, given her the numbers of how much she's costing us, but she won't listen. Help, please.
(Thanks to everyone - who shares their stories, it somehow makes me feel not so alone)
* I also think bottom line, she's lonely and these shopping channels are her friends. Any advice on helping a home bound senior not so quick with a computer to socialize would be great. Maybe a site like this in reverse :)
My father is so far gone in his dementia, that this is exactly what I do. He has a debit card, but rarely uses it. I closed all of his accounts and took his cards well over a year ago, when I had him sign a DPOA. I put everything on automatic withdrawal from his checking account, charge him for room and board, as suggested by my tax adviser and give him money every now and again. He no longer drives, so in order to spend any money, we must take him or he must go with the seniors, at the senior citizen center on a day trip.
Life is much easier!
Suzanne