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We moved my mother into assisted living after her having a stroke that left her physically ok - but aphasic. When in rehab she loved everybody - now she hates everyone - mostly me - refuses to eat or take her meds. She has a bladder infection too. My daughter finally got her to eat a little and I got her meds - but she was flying around the facility yelling at everyone and knocking things down. There really has not been any direction for us to take and we are frustrated.

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Your mother can not be the only person the facility ever had that was violent! They would certainly have a plan for how to deal with elderly people who have to be there but don't want to especially when they have a severe medical condition. There must also be some kind of caseworker that can give you advice and work with you in conjunction with her doctor to help her adjust. My heart goes out to you and I know that you doing the best you can in this difficult situation. Be as easy on yourself as you can. You are doing the right thing!
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Why did you move her into an Assisted Living facility after one stroke? Aphasia can be handled as well as the bladder infection. The decision must have been your personal choice.
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My mother is in an independent/assisted living facility and they have a social worker on staff. Call the facility and ask to meet or speak with the social worker. It is the facility's problem as much as it is yours to make sure your mother is okay there. If they are just calling you telling you about the behavior and not actively doing something about, I would find another place for her.
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When a similar event occured in my Father's life while not only in assisted living but also in hospital, I found that, despite my admonitions that he not be given a tranquilizer, he had been given one that caused a minor "psychotic break" because of his having had several TIA's and was being given quite a few other medications with which the problem medication was interacting. There was no psychiatrist on staff. Being a clinical counselor with special training in elder care and work with the seriously mentally ill, I was able to insist that he be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist who was familiar with appropriate medications and some consequent follow-up psychotherapy. He got what he needed and was fine after that until he died of a stroke at age 9 0. Best wishes and be strong!
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You should talk to her doctor. She may need additional or changed medication. If she has never been violent before, something else is up. Can she communicate enough to ask her what's wrong with the ALF? Is it possible that she has been mistreated? If she doesn't have dementia, she may need less restrictions at the ALF. Also, I have heard of infections or medications for infections causing behavior control issues. You do not need to explain to anyone, why you moved your mom into an ALF.
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There are several reasons for moving her - first I live 3 hours away - my mother has a history of hitting my dad when he was alive and not liking certain people's appearances - so I was concerned with 24 hour care - which 3 doctors said she requires...if she didn't like one of the caretakers- she would kick them out. I can't drive 3 hours each time she throws a fit. The other thing is - she will go to brush her teeth and leave the water running. It isn't only aphasia but also her short term memory affected. To calm her - her doctor prescribed anti anxiety meds to see if that will help. She has been not only violent (hit my husband) but verbally abusive to me. Then nice as can be to the cable man. She acts like she is 4. So - no - not a personal decision - one the 2 doctors recommended for her.
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You can try 24 hour care. We did that for the first 30 days with my mom (dementia) and it made a world of difference. Or maybe just have someone sit with her during her 'bad times of day' if it is regular. Also, call your local Hospice and have her evaluated. You'd be surprised at the services they offer. You don't have to be on your deathbed.
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sad1daughter - N1K2R3's comments were thoughtless.
I agree with the others, have her doctor check for an infection and reevaluate her meds. A long conversation with the nursing director or social worker at the AL would be a good idea. Especially if you like the place and want your mom to stay. I'm sure, too, that they've had other residents who've been violent and they should have some plan to deal with your mom's behavior. Make sure you outline with them a plan for if your mom's behavior doesn't improve. If the facility is just AL, they will ask you to move your mom out if they feel staff or other residents are endangered. It might be a good idea to do some calling around to dementia units or nursing homes to have a 'plan B' and not have to make a quick decision in a crisis.
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A bladder infection causes really bad behaviors in most geriatrics. Lets hope that is what is causing this. When I worked in the nursing home, Nursing 101: When someone started showing erratic behaviors suddenly... first thing: CHECK FOR UTI. For some reason it really messes with the elderly. I am hoping that the timing of moving and the infection have set this off. Let the antibiotics do their thing and hopefully she will mellow out.
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The same thing happened to my mom after her stroke, it affects the brain, they don't mean it. I called moms doctor after she started hitting my caretaker when I was at work! He put her on depakote sprinkles and she was a new woman, tired at first but then ok. I tried to wean her off for over a year but the anger came back. Now that it's been three years I drop one depakote every six weeks and it's been okay. Mom lives with me, and has severe dementia/alz. I would call her dr. Good luck.
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Thank you everyone for your advise - we are on out way back down to see her - and hopefull the new meds helped. The staff at AL has been awesome - and the other residence seem pretty happy there. I am keeping her close to her friends and my daughter/grandkids - thinking of moving her where I live is premature - just in case she improves and can go home with assistance...However the speach therapist said she was unable to answer simple yes/no questions. She refused to work with the PT
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Isn'tEasy : "Thoughtless"? If there is one thing that I do, it is think. I've been criticized by another who has said to me, "You think too much".
Perhaps you just disagree with my assessment.
Sad1Daughter has a lot to think about also.....the fact that she lives three hours away from her mother is a big consideration.
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Two things come to mind. First, the bladder infection can cause all kinds of mental problems in the elderly (firsthand experience with my mother-in-law) and second, the anti anxiety meds could be affecting her brain as well. My father, who lives with me, goes berserk when given any drugs to "calm him down" before surgery or to help him sleep. It's worth checking into. You don't have to explain to anyone why your mother is in an assisted living home. Being a caregiver is a 24/7 job and not everyone can afford to do it. You basically give up your life to take care of a loved one and it is not easy. Do what you have to do in your situation and don't worry about what others think!
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As a Senior Adult Consultant and Speech Pathologist for nearly 30 years, I would like to share my story. My mother has end stage dementia after a stroke years ago and requires 24 hour care in her home at age 88. My father passed one month ago at age 90 following several years with a frontotemporal dementia that was never properly diagnosed. When they become angry, it seems so real as an Adult Child. I was exposed to this as well.
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Thank you all so much for your input. I fortunately have my husband and daughter who have been so helpful - my son's are 3 hours away also - and all work full time - my brother won't do anything - even go see her - so her finances, medical and home responsibility have fallen on me as well. I do have a good friend who is a nurse in the area - and just went through this - but her dad is sweet and easy to deal with - whereas my mother has just been mean and stubborn - which honestly - she has always been - but now she doesn't understand me and I don't understand her. It was my hope to put her in assisted living near her friends to help motivate her to try...and that eventually she would try and be able to go home with help - but as it stands now - it is day by day. She did have the UTI - but took the antiboitics - which I am hoping caused the big meltdown - and when I get back to see her tomorrow - she will have settled down. Again - thanks so much for in advise and email :-) Nice to know you are all out there - and have been through this.
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One other thought, Sad: Have your Mother's medications changed recently? When my Mother was prescribed Aricept, it had a very negative effect on her personality. She became mean, threatening, paranoid, etc. The MD discontinued Aricept and started her on Namenda, and she has tolerated it very well--no personality changes. Is it possible that some of your Mother's behavior could be a reaction to new medication?
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Hmmm - that is true - and yes - they did - but seems like they were just adjusted - but did add the anti-anxiety - but that was after the meltdowns & tantrums. She goes back to her primary dr next week to see how she is adjusting to everything.
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Wow, a personal decision? Unless you have lived it, you have no idea.
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God bless you, Sad! I have spent hours this afternoon after getting a confused, strange phone call from my husband who is in a nursing home due to his dementia. He has changed so much in the last five days, that I have to keep reminding myself that he is not the husband I've had for 59 years. I am going to have the doctor remove him from the namenda and aricept. Why slow down the dementia? Why have him struggle and be miserable for more years? I don't want him to suffer one extra second. I don't think I'm doing him a favor by having him live longer with this misery. It's dreadful when it's a parent with dementia; but it's torture when it's a husband. I'm sending huge tight hugs to all of you.
Chonie
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Gilbert, Sorry to hear of your Dad, how you do you know he had frontotemporal dementia?I wish I knew what kind my mom had, they say they can only guess.
Sad1 , the antianxiety constipated my Mom terribly, beware.
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How old is your mother? My mother had a massive stroke 25 years ago at age 68. She is 93 now and living in enhanced assists living; however, she lived independently, with family support, for 23 years. Her aphasia has been a long struggle for her, but in spite of it, she continues to make friends and has been happy because she has been encouraged to be independent. Also, a physician might consider medication for anxiety to reduce her stress. Look to her skills and not disabilities.
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UTI's and can cause mental status changes in older adults....be careful of the meds being rx'd as welll, I knew an older women who had adverse reaction to Bactrim, causing her to become delirious....Mom's expressive aphasia may be frustrating to her and this may be how she is letting you know something is very much wrong...
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I agree with Rackhem, Sad1daughter you don't need to explain your decision to ANYONE! And I agree with most of the other comments, definetly have a plan B ready. Strokes, UTI's, certain meds can cause a change in personality so it's hard to say what the cause is. After my Dad's stroke he was hitting his care givers, twisted a female nurses arm! I was horrified because never in my life had I known my Dad to be violent. Best wishes to you and take that snide remark with a grain of sand!
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As Darcy123 said, a UTI (or any other infection) can cause behavior like that. Hallucinations, delirium, aggressiveness & hostility. My 95 y/o mother has gotten absolutely bizarre when the infection has gone untreated for too long. For UTI make sure they also perform a culture -some bacteria do not produce nitrites and will not show up on the 'stick' test. May also need a blood panel. Good luck.
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The appropriate treatment for a UTI is Cipro 500 X 3......not Bactrim. Not Cephalexin.
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My Moms dr gave her bactrim for a UTI and it made her nuts! My neice who works in a NH told me they all get bactrim, so most doctors do prescribe it , and she said they complain al the time because they act crazy on it. I had moms dr change her to amoxicillin and now we stay on a preventative dosage daily. I guess it depends on the doctor.
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Reverseroles: Amoxicillin 500 will have NO EFFECT on a UTI. Who IS this doctor?
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I was lucky, my mom wanted to go live at a nursing home in 2007. However, my grandmother through a fit at age 87. My grandmother kept getting ill and my father would have to take off of work to often. She then had a fire in the kitchen and we found .09 cents cans of Campbell's soup in her cabinets. This happened 40 years ago with my grandmother but the Campbell's soup cost about .40 cents a can then. She had had the can about 10 years so my father found her several assisted living homes and then nursing home where she lived to be three days from 100. However, I would go visit her in the nursing home and she was having the best time ever until we got there.
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I went to see her today - and I am only using my phone to read these - but going to try to answer some - my mother is 78 - and has never really taken very good cate of herself - I brought my son (almost 30) thinking she would be happy to see him - I think that the UTi is cleared - and it is just my regular mother there - with the aphasie and confusion and short term memory loss. At times she seems totally with it - but then mad at me and starting to get pretty pissed off. Accusing me of spending her money and that everyone in the facility is nuts ( although they talk very similar to her) . She will only eat in her room and refuses to work with PT or Speech Therapy - and just won't listen to me. I keep trying to explain if she works with them - she can improve and them maybe with assistance go home - she doesn't seem to have a grasp on that. So realistically - my mother is "there" about 5 minutes of each hour.
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I am not here to compete, nor tell my mothers doctor, is there a doctor on this site because not only did it clear Moms UTI up but staying on it daily has prevented more. Look it up online, try the mayo clinic if you want, I am trying to help people not hurt anyone. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/urinary-tract-infection/DS00286/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs
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