I am the caregiver for my 88 year old mom who has diabetes, macular degeneration, heart disease - you name it, honey, she's got it. I'm single and I moved back home to care for her and dad before he died. I love my mom, and I do my best for her, but I am so tired of being treated like an only child by my siblings. My brother and sister rarely call or come over. If I plan far enough in advance my sister will take mom to the doctor, but then she acts like she's an authority on mom's health issues while at the doctor, when she really isn't. She also thinks mom can go to the mall and run around afterward, which she's not able to do. My brother is useless - would it break his back to mow the yard? They are both married but they have no children, and my brother is retired so he has time on his hands. I complained about this once and my sister said I had chosen my life, and it wasn't her fault. True enough, but again it's HER mom too. I'm not sure I even know what my question is, I'm just so tired of handling this all alone. I find myself wishing my mom would die, just so I could have my life back. Then I feel awful for thinking such things. It's been nearly 10 years of this, and I am at the end of my rope. I have lost touch with all my friends and haven't had a date in 8 years. I just feel so alone, and I resent my siblings so much that when mom does die, I really have no intention of keeping in touch with them. I'm sorry for rambling, I just needed to vent.
Bookworm, glad you liked my post!
Hey, LH, is it too soon to ask how you're doing? Should I wait until my Monday which would be your Sunday? Confusing. I wanted to wait until Monday to ask how you're doing after the weekend. For me, weekends are so much more tiring than the weekdays.
I didn't notice I was having one of my depression until another member here commented about not hearing from me on the other threads. I like to surf this site on the diferent topics and then comment. Then I stopped and was only commenting here. I even put on my "On my mind: Life Sucks!" I just didn't notice I was going into depression! It is soooo sneaky!
So, since I haven't heard from either one of you, I'm here asking. I've seen Reverse commenting other other threads, so she seems to be doing okay.
Is there any other way you can help your sister? When you do have spare time to go visit, does sis at least get complete relief from your mom? Every little help counts. How about just writing to her by email? It's lonely to be here at home with the parent. I would email my 3 siblings in the states. Most don't even answer. And one just sends maybe a 2 sentence email. Sometimes, I would just love to just hear what is happening...but whatever you do - Do Not mention any vacations! Whenever one of my siblings (who says she can't give money) mentions Las Vegas or New Mexico, I get so resentful. She says she has no money to give but she has money for the trip, for the hotel, etc...I have another sis who works in the library. I enjoy hearing some of the stories she tells! You know, the scary dude, the irritated parent who got mad cuz sis politely asked her to control her out-of-control children in the library, etc...I'm sure your sister would love to hear something ...as long as it doesn't make her realize she's missing out in life.
I had to smile when you mentioned about your husband not contesting the will. Later! Oh, and welcome to AC!!!
Book, have you gotten the book yet? Just curious on your thoughts. How are you doing?
Sallie, how are you? Hope all is well with you!
Hugs and prayers to all us Caregivers!!!
I'm fine now. It's a constant up and down...I know what triggered it and there's really nothing that I can do about it. My bedridden dad is now going through the "poopy stage." The stage where they Touch and Spread it all over. I kind of went over the deep-end every time he does it. It's something I'm going to have to learn to handle and not go into "shut down" mode. I need to view this poopy stage as just another "obstacle" on the road that I overcome it by going Over It or Around It. Not just stop and freeze - like I just recently did.
Thanks for asking. I agree! Hugs to all of us Caregivers!!!
I spoke to my SIL's fam member who is having the party and told her why mom and I wouldn't be there. She wasn't surprised and was completely disgusted with how they are treating my mom. She has had her issues with them as well. It seems everyone just tolerates them and all are disgusted with them. All agree karma is a B_ _ _ _. Wish us luck today.
Book, hang in there. Great big hugs to all!
Also, she started going out with her old friends. Similar to your situation, we had almost no help from our family members. It became an expectation for us to take care of grandpa since everyone else was married.
My suggestion is to connect with your old friends and spend some time on the things you want to do. Caregiving is like running a marathon, we all need to pace ourselves.
I have family coming to visit mom and me this weekend. I can't wait as it'll be great to be around those who truly care for mom and me. My mom is loved very much in her family (I should say outside of her own children -- besides me, of course) and she deserves to feel that love. She raised her own brothers and sisters (6) plus took care of her sick mom and mother in law. She is a special lady. Unfortunately, most of her family is 6,000 miles away. They are well aware of what is happening and call often.
Book, any chance you can sneak the meds in food? That may help in some way to not make him so combative. I worked in a hospital for a short time and when some combative patients would come down for tests, they would sedate them prior to coming down. Let me know your thoughts.
But, I do spend time with my fave sis and her kids and grandkids. It really does help a lot. Except, I hate it when it's time to go home. I can feel the weight coming back on my shoulders just by Thinking it.
LH, I don't know. He mixes so much herbals - I worry. I've learned on this site that if your elders are abusing their meds - as a caregiver - you will be held responsible. Just with what he has - I think he's overdoing it. It's a constant struggle. It doesn't help that Sis will give him whatever he wants. Dad & I had a recent yelling match when he asked for more herbal and I said that he already has a lot he's taking now. Sis just went and got it for him! So, I started yelling because I AM THE MAIN CAREGIVER and He Is Abusing His Herbals!! And I just lost it and said that I Do Not Want to Go To Jail for YOU. And I said for my sister's benefit that WE both would go to prison when they do an autopsy and find all those drugs in his system. I don't even know why sis is scared of him. I'm the one who gets punched since I'm the one changing his pamper. She refuses to help change his pampers. So, I don't see why she jumps when he orders her around. My goodness, He's BEDRIDDEN, he Can't Chase her!!
LH, I just worry so much about this. I would throw his herbal but I wouldn't put it past him to call authorities and say I'm trying to kill him...(he's already accusing it to my face.) Stop...Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out....I was getting dizzy here just recalling that day. Later! And thanks for letting me vent.
Oh, by the way, don't forget to update us when the relatives visit. I sure hope they bring some goodies!
I came across this book, Cain's Legacy: Liberating Siblings from a Lifetime of Rage, Shame, Secrecy, and Regret. Has anyone read it? It sounds very interesting.
You see your box on the top right with your photo/name MY ACCOUNT. Click on EDIT ACCT.
Click on EDIT PROFILE. Go to the box that has ABOUT ME and click to Public Setting:
1. ACTIVITY/FOLLOWING 2. WALL POSTS
Once this is done, you will see my Hug to you with the encouragement to send in your funny joke.
Try it! I think you will like this better. You see on your WALL POSTS all the hugs everyone has given you. When you feel depress, just go to this and re-read it. I do that ALL the Time!!