Found in some posts two years ago, that for us, who did caretaking process for years, putting Mom or Dad in NH does not relieve any stress. "Still there was no peace, constantly running, checking the phone for messages and jumping out of my skin when the phone did ring. ..." How to deal with that? I think for me was much easier when mom was at home and although I realize that in her now conditions (dementia, dysphagia, feeding tube) I cant take care of her at home, my stress is even worse. Hard to see here life miserable and can't make any decision to stop it. She has DNR, but nobody is telling me she is dying, it's just hard to see her in such conditions...unable to eat, not much walking (she was very active home, but after intubation and all that medical intervention, aspiration pneumonia), she's weak and not much understanding of whats happening, although knows me and kids....Days, month, years, who knows, my heart is just breaking apart. Tell your experiences, how you deal with that?
Katie, I admire those like you who had the strength and courage to care for someone at home up to their final breath, when that was still part of my plan looking forward to her final days filled my with anxiety. I'm still anxious about losing her but I'm relieved to be sharing that burden with people who have been there many times before and knowing it is not all up to me alone.
she fell one night and I got called at 3am or so. and she gashed her arm - got staples. it was gross tho. and she kept picking up her arm "im getting blood on my jammies"
uhh you got a big gash in your arm, put your arm down...
any way I do get uptight when I hear the phone ring at night. say after dinner hours...
and I try not to stay up too late at night, I fear I may get another call.
mostly tho. I do have peace about mom. its the other responsibilities that stress me out. for her, like: bill paying, taxes, bank accounts, dr appts, keeping tabs on RX's, buying personal items, also buying birthday cards for everyone on her behalf. ETC ETC.
ps I do worry about her dementia decline. I get scared for the future. oops rambling again.
Somewhere along the line, we have to realize we can’t do everybody’s everything. We have to let go. It’s darned difficult. But you get to the point where you do.
I hope you have a nice 4th of July :)