On My Mind

Becky, so sorry to hear of your loss, losing a sibling must be terribly difficult, and one I dread in the future. I know how much you loved him as you spoke of him so often, may he rest in peace and love. Take Care!

I'm so sorry Becky, you have endured so much these few years since we met you.

Oh Becky! I'm so sorry to hear about Jay's passing. You must be devastated. (((((hugs)))))))))).

Awe, Becky

so sorry to hear of Jay's passing - I know you will miss him

hope you can dwell on some happy memories to ease the grief

hugs,
MsM

Becky,

Very sorry for the loss of your brother. Hugs!

I’m so sorry for your loss Becky.

Read the newspaper today and saw an obituary for the woman we bought our house from. It brought back some memories......I remember that the house was a....well I forget the type of listing but it was exclusive to the agent so other agents couldn’t show or sell the home. And it turned out the agent was my uncle’s cousin (my uncle=my moms older sisters husband). I had met her a few years earlier at a funeral & turns out either she or her husband was related to the home owner. The house was being sold because the woman who owned it had split from her husband and she was moving to Arkansas. She must have moved back here because she was living here when she died last week at 85. I recall being told that she & her husband were 80 when we bought this house but that must have been wrong. She was the 2nd owner of the house and had bought it many years before. She was described as “nutty”. The house hadn’t been updated since the 60s or 70s when we bought it. Two rooms were covered in wallpaper with matching curtains (and I mean, the curtains were the same print as the wallpaper!). The kitchen had green appliances and burn orange outdoor carpet. The master bath had pink tile, a blue toilet and sink and a pink & mint green mosaic wallpaper from the 1960s! A few years after we moved in, I went through a file cabinet she had left behind and found a bunch a paperwork from when one of her daughters got married in the 1980. That was a neat discovery, there were receipts and handwritten notes/plans! Then there was the gossip relayed to us by the Older gentleman who lived next door to us for about 8 hours. The home he lived in belonged to his 2nd wife. He was her 2nd husband. She has died and left him a life estate so he could stay in the house until he remarried Or died. He ended up moving out when he remarried. I forget the details but I believe Sonya, the woman who owned our home, was a divorcee living in the house with her 2 kids and she had an affair up with the man next door who promptly moved in with her. I believe he was married to our neighbors (The one who told us this) wife-her first husband. Her obituary said she was pre-decreased by 2 husbands and one of her daughters, who died in her early 50s 5 years ago. She wasn’t a hoarder but she had A LOT of stuff. Every room was full. Not anywhere near hoarder status but like....the front room was full of sewing stuff! I forget what was in the middle bedroom. It was just normal stuff, she had been here 40 years I think so she had a lot of stuff. She actually stayed in the house a month after closing & paid my husband rent because she needed more time to pack all her stuff.

When we bought the house, she asked that we not remove the olive tree in the middle of the front yard because she had planted it with her kids and they all wanted it stay there. To this day, the tree is still there! It has never put out olives though. My husband is taking about having it removed but I like it.

for years we got junk mail with her name on it so I thought of her often even though I didn’t know her. Just knew of her. In fact we got something with her name on it just last month. We’ve been here since 2003!

RIP Sonya. You’re olive tree is still standing.

Praying for you Becky. So sorry for your loss.
May God comfort you through this time

Becky, So very sorry about your brother. I think I can imagine how you feel, at least a little. Both of my brothers are 10+ years older than me. I still remember being a teenager and learning women usually live longer than men. Being younger and a woman, I figured I would be the last of my childhood family. Later I developed some health issues that may change that outcome, but maybe not either. Since one brother is a co-POA with me for my mother, we have become much closer. Mom was my best friend in the family but her MCI has taken that away; now my brother is fills that roll. We have both been blessed to have a good relationship with our brother.

I pray you find God's comfort during the challenging days ahead.

So sorry for your loss Becky.

Oh Becky, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. Hugs, and praying for you and his loved ones.

Thinking about my brother Jay. He had a stroke and passed away this afternoon. I’m sure he is glad he didn’t have to live for years thru Parkinson’s, but I’ll miss him beyond belief. That’s the last of my immediate family gone. Never thought I would be the last woman standing.

cwille,

You said it best! I agree totally.

Yep, I hear that!

Gershun,

Dysfunctional families have always been around but I feel people allow themselves to be exploited by being on these shows. They would be served better in a qualified therapist’s office.

I would never appear on any of those shows. He has to hire outside professionals to do the therapy. He hasn’t had a license in many years.

Yet, he feels he is current on treatments. Any genuine person is constantly continuing their education. Anyone that sits out of the medical field for awhile usually enrolls in classes to catch up.

He has his wife advertising her skin care products on his show. I can’t take any of it seriously. Take his ginormous salary away from him and see how much he would care about others.

Same with the others. I had to laugh when I heard Oprah say years ago that she would do her job for free. Yeah, right! Don’t believe that for a sec. All about money and ratings.

I used to think those families on those shows were paid actors.....but then I met my hubs family.🤔

Lol Send,

I find it amusing that Oprah is a spokesperson for WW too considering she has lost a few human beings in weight and gained it all back a number of times. Yes, we all try and fail but no one is paying us to do it.

I think even Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer would be shocked at some of our family situations lol. I remember watching Jerry Springer years back and actually being able to relate. Like there was an episode called "Holiday Hell with the Family" or something like that and it was over the top but totally not shocking. Then at the end of those shows, Jerry would say, "Take care of yourselves and each other." The irony of his statement after all the drama was funny. I agree that most of these talk shows and advice shows are all about the ratings and going for shock value.

CM,
Sit at the kitchen table instead, spread out with pen, paper, computer, and keep getting up for coffee and snacks. When you leave for a moment, come right back. Take a break every 45 minutes, and a pain pill if your rear end starts to hurt from sitting too long.
Check back in with us when you are finished.

Many of the people just mentioned fancy themselves as some kind of god (with a little g.) Thinking their "religion" and "followers" are a new thing, a new idea, but date way back to when 'pride' and 'self-love' fell from the heavenly place.

Gershun I also find Oprah unpleasant. I am in the Baltimore area and remember her from "way back" . And the fact that she bought WW and is now the queen of the lifestyle is hysterical to me. I mean I know she is trying,, but it is off putting to many.

The saying Power Corrupts is evident in all of those TV "experts", any good they might have done early on has been more than overshadowed by the absolute crap they keep trying to feed us in the name of ratings. IMO you can't excuse them because they have taught you something, we learned things from Jerry Springer, Montel et al too but nobody ever pretended they were setting some kind of example.

Dr. Phil is one rich Dr. as is Dr. Oz and those Dr's on that other t.v. show called the doctors. I wonder if any of them remember why they decided to become dr.'s in the first place. I wonder if Oprah gets a portion of each of their incomes for having put most of them on t.v.

This may be an unpopular viewpoint but I don't care for her either. I think she fancies herself as some kind of God and people are too easily influenced by her and what she promotes.

Honestly, Dr. Phil is one step away from Maury and Jerry Springer. Not watching it. Don’t like his style at all. It’s tabloid television. I don’t read tabloids, nor do I watch them on television. They are going for shock value. It’s all about the drama.

It doesn’t matter to me if he makes some valid points. I am not going to sit through the rest of the crap to hear him say one or two good things.

Same with reality television shows. They are scripted! It’s amazing how many people think they are real.

To each his own, though.

I think these shows are present-day freak shows. I agree that at least they've had some valid concepts and advice added to them nowadays, so that there is something useful to be learned for those who will take it; but their main function - and their main earning potential - is as spectator sport.

We recently had a suicide associated with a similar product. The Greatandgood were quick to blame the show's producers, the show was pulled and the presenter ate a lot of humble pie but honestly? - there are always plenty more where that one came from when something like this happens.

Meanwhile - how do you make yourself do a one to two hour desk job that you can't face but have to hand in tomorrow?

I do agree that Dr. Phil makes some real valid points. For instance "when you argue in front of kids you change who they become" I just think he has become greedy and sold out. He probably was a pretty good Dr. His wife makes me cringe though.

Dr Phil does use people's stories with a component of entertainment (that pays the bills) but also with a component of education. When his book Rules for Real Life came out the shows he did on how to recognize toxic people and get them out of your life were very practical and useful to a lot of people. I recommend the book. I have also found his calls to leave children out of divorce disputes and allow them to _be_ children and make sure you tell the kids they did not cause the divorce extremely useful when my nephew and his first wife were going through their divorce and I had daily child care dropped in my lap.

Personally I have found some of the shows on child neglect by drug addicted parents useful. To see the video of the couple's apartment with drugs and needles in their children's bedroom and no eatable food and then hear the parents describe themselves as "wonderful" parents and deny their children had been dumpster diving in the apartment's complex dumpsters where neighbors photographed the children were eye opening to say the least. We have a similar problem in our extended family and it really made me see that until a person is at least able to admit there is a problem, there's just no way to ever correct the problem or trust them with their child.

I think many of the shows can give you a peek into real life problems you would not otherwise be able to gain. My father told me books are a way to learn from someone else's experience. I believe several of Dr Phil's shows are a way to learn from someone else's experience too.

I cannot watch the shows much anymore, I really don't like the arguing with Dr Phil as a referee much. But I do check the episode description and occasionally watch a couple. I usually learn something too. It may not be something I really wanted to learn, but occasionally it is something I really needed to learn.

And you are right NHWM. Back when we were in school the worst thing to worry about was getting into a fight where now-a-days kids brings gun to school. It is a different world. I think people today are under a lot more pressure to make ends meat and the kids really are left on their own with little knowledge and manners because they just aren't being taught the way we were. If that makes sense.

Dr. Phil was once license and now his license is stamped with "retired". I really don't care for him much anymore either. I was just suggesting his book that he wrote about 6 to 7 yrs ago (maybe longer) because it is really a good book and very true for today's world.

I am just sorry about your friend and that she just can't see the writing on the wall. She sounds like she has a big heart!

I do think we should be more cautious. We have had a lot of break-ins in my city. H3ll people are stealing stuff right out of your back yard! We replace our 5ft fence with a 6ft fence and made it were you can't get in the back yard unless to go through the house to unlock the gate!

I am not sure if my mother sees my brother for what he really is or if she just goes along with me because I can help her with this house, bills, and over see her healthcare. But it really doesn't matter because I really can't stand my brother. But that my friend is a whole different story!


Gershun, I use to watch Dr. Phil, but I stop watching him because it seemed like he shove his new app, new book and Robin's new stuff down peoples throats. Like Robin clams her new skin care line can make you look younger, but she has had plastic surgery, which tells me that "she doesn't even believe in her own products!" But Dr. Phil's book "Life Code" was written before he became so fake! Just don't buy the audio book then you won't have to hear him...LOL!

I have read a few of his other books and in my opinion they weren't that great. With one of his books, I read half of it and I return it to get my money back!!

And your right--it is all good!😊 I was just making a suggestion:)

I do hope things are getting better for you.

I'm not a big fan of Dr. Phil either. I think he exploits people. Uses their stories for entertainment purposes which is kind of tacky in my opinion. But I could maybe read him..........as long as I don't have to look at him or listen to him or his wife. LOL

But to each his/her own Shell. No problem. :)

Shell,

Maybe cynical isn’t totally accurate but I am definitely more cautious than I used to be. Just the car jacking that goes on around town is unnerving. We have to constantly be aware of our surroundings.

It’s a messy situation with my friend. My friend is a bit naive. She is overly trusting to a fault. I will meet her for lunch or coffee. I stopped visiting her at her house since a meth user lives with her with her granddaughter. The granddaughter stopped using because she got pregnant. So, she, the boyfriend and the baby live with her. Her granddaughter claims to love the guy. I would not want him around my child. Her son is just over a year old.

When I asked her why is he living there she replied, “No one else will let him live with them. Everyone asked him to leave their home. His parents threw him out.” I looked at her at said, “Gee, I wonder why they don’t want him around! He uses Meth!” His mom and dad are divorced. He can’t stay with either of them. His dad is a prominent attorney here. My friend said that his grandmother warned her not to allow them to move in. She refused him living with her too.

She keeps saying that he will change. He leaves rehab every time he signs up to go. Meth really is a horrible drug that is tough to beat. They get nuts too! This guy fired a gun in his mom’s house and that is why she threw him out!

So, no one I know will visit her at her house any longer as long as he is living there.

Not a fan of Dr. Phil. He sensationalizes everything and I don’t like the majority of his advice. He’s not a licensed doctor. He comes off as a ‘know it all’ to me.

So, I don’t know if I would enjoy anything he wrote. Maybe his writing style is different than his television personality.

Sorry that your brother got caught up with using that drug. It’s a tough drug to deal with. I am glad that your mom sees the situation for what is is. I hope my friend doesn’t ever get hurt by this guy, or any of them, her granddaughter and her great grandson.

Yeah, things have always been bad but it’s a different world. When I was in school the worst thing that happened was two girls got in trouble for smoking cigarettes in the bathroom. Today, people bring guns into schools and shoot people. We didn’t deal with being in fear of being shot in school or a store like these Walmart shootings! Crazy!

Crime has increased so much in New Orleans. I used to take the public bus to downtown or the streetcar to go uptown here in New Orleans at 12 years old, shop, see a movie, eat lunch with my friends. It was perfectly safe then to do so. You could never let a kid do that now.

Gershun and NHWM,

Either one of you need to become cynical. No you can't trust people the way you once did and yes horrible things are going on in the world today. I really think people are just as bad today as they always have been...ok, maybe they are worst, but really what is going on in the world is really nothing new, we just hear more about it in today's world. May I suggest reading a book called "Life Code" by Dr. Phil. Even if you don't like him. This book has the *New Rules* for living in this new world. It truly is a great book and a easy read!



NHWM,
It is sad when we see our friends and family putting themselves endanger unknowingly. Have you thought that maybe your friend is scared of this guy...meth is the worst drug of all the drugs...it makes people crazy and mean--at least that has been my experience!

I never couldn't figure out why my mother just starting giving in to my brother and letting him steal stuff out of her house, then one day I got to see a side of him that I never saw and when I told her she said, "yup, that sounds like him" and she went on to say that "he gets scary" and then I knew...she was scared of him. Now, she has told me that she is scared of him. I think he has hit her, but I don't really know that for sure! He is a meth-head! Ugh


On another note, on my mind...my brother tried to break-in my house and the cops couldn't do anything because he didn't break-in and take anything. He tried to use his keys which don't work anymore because the locks have been change!!! I am sure he will try some thing else. I have caught him lurking around the outside of the house at night in the pass. He really believes that he has a right to come into our childhood home and take whatever he wants!!! Ugh
My mother doesn't even want to talk or see him anymore...I guess she has had enough of the monster. He does upset and stress her out and then he leaves and I have to deal with the aftermath! Yikes...Ouch!!! He doesn't believe she has dementia...he thinks we are lying...as if, I could make-up the crazy things she does and really, why would I lie about that?