Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
NobodyGetsIt: Thanks. No, I did not have a Transient Ischemic Attack. I was thanking in advance the people who may post here (Thanks in advance=tia). God gave me too much on my plate.
I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well - how scary that must have been for you! Are you saying you actually had a TIA?
I'll be praying for you and hope the ENT will find an answer to the dizziness. It's been a rough month for you.
Take care of yourself! Hugs to you -
We never know what lies ahead. I am sure that was a shock.
I often described my oldest brother as the prodigal son too. So, I understand you looking at your brother in that way.
Do you know what I see most of all? I see the unconditional love of your father, just like in the scripture of how the father was waiting for his son.
It was the brother who did not welcome him. Trust me when I say that I was just like that brother for quite some time! I had to learn to forgive.
Yes, I had a complicated relationship with my oldest brother too. He died in 2013.
Your dad is a special man. Mine was too. He died in 2002.
I get your mixed emotions about your brother, I felt the same about my brother. It is wonderful if your dad is happy about the reunion.
Ahhhh, life can be complicated, just like a soap opera! Geeeeeez, my family’s life reads like a soap too.
Every family has it’s stories. No one has a perfect family.
We’re here if you need to talk. I lived it too. The circumstances are different but the story is the same, an estranged son.
You and I, well we are like the brother who was always near their dad. Just remember that the brother had his issues too, like all humans do.
Anyway, I wish all of you the very best.
We will get dumped on with lots of rain and praying that the storm surge won’t be awful!
As usual, possible tornadoes due to the storm. We typically get some flooding with hard rain.
We aren’t in the direct path but not out of the woods yet.
Please keep New Orleans in your thoughts and prayers!
Thank you, AgingCare family.
It still seems like your friend and daughter have taken advantage of your friendship especially when you said neither one of them have friends and you've given them things. You bought a gift for the daughter's child for crying out loud. I just have to shake my head at the whole thing.
They probably chase everyone away with their behaviors. You can't be their "everything" if they don't have other friends either.
I wouldn't waste my time walking on eggshells while you are trying to be a good caregiver. Not only is life is too short for all that but, you need your energy and strength to take care of your mom.
Probably the grief is triggering you as to how you will feel when you lose your mom since that seems to always be in the back of our minds.
I hope things start to get better for you soon - take care of you and mom!
It’s her loss. Sounds like she doesn’t have many people in her life. She should have appreciated you more than she did. Her daughter sounds immature.
Sorry that you are struggling with this. In time it may be for the best. You were a ‘genuine’ friend. You know that so take comfort in that.
Unfortunately, silly misunderstandings occur. Sometimes they work themselves out, other times they don’t.
It was the daughter gossiping to her mom (my friend) and instead of the daughter letting me know how she felt she had her mom do it for her (this is not the first time as it happened with my friend's sister). The daughter and the mom are both drama queens when I look for ways to simplify my life, not add drama.
I guess that's why I was so taken back when my friend told me (and not on the phone but through FB) that I was nasty to her daughter which I know I was not. Daughter definitely took my words out of context.
All over a stupid thing like a birthday present that I had bought for one of the daughter's kids. How petty is that?
I guess I didn't post that it's my choice to end this friendship because I'm tired of walking on eggshells with both of them. They are 100% co-dependent and my friend is 70 years old and not in the best of health. Both of them don't have any friends.
I'm just sad... Perhaps I'm more sad because this is like a death to me and I'm worried about how I will react when my Mom passes. So maybe there's a correlation there. I don't know, I'm not a shrink! :-)
Sounds like the daughter misunderstood something and translated incorrect information to her mom. But your friend should have wanted to hear your side of it. Not just bump you off like that. Perhaps she will realize what she did later and reach out to you.
Do what you feel you need to. As far as you having a bad day, haven’t we all had bad days before? She could be more understanding about that. Yes, people should consider what we have been through or are going through now in our lives.
Wishing you all the best.
We have been friends since 2nd grade. I bent over backwards for her over the years. I asked her to babysit my son for one evening and she said no. So a couple months later she asked me if I could take her to the doctors and I said no.
we were together so I can’t just end the friendship. But we don’t ask each other for favors anymore. I meant to say we WORK together so I can’t just end the friendship.
When I retire in 3 years, I probably will end the friendship with her.
I'm sorry you are grieving the loss of your friend but consider congratulating yourself for making a wise choice for you.
Sending some love and strength to you for all you do. May God bless you with a true friendship that will make you feel valued and loved and lifted up.
Great big warm hug lady!
I know you're hurting and feeling like you're mourning the loss of a friendship and you are. I lost one I've known for 26 years back in June and although I've tried to move on, I'm still in disbelief when I think about it although, I really have tried to stop dwelling on it.
Unfortunately, even though we as women are communicators and nurturers, we often don't discuss with each other when something is bothering us, offends us etc. which is why she went the route of not returning your calls. Having been there, I do not do that to them and have at least had the guts to contact someone and ask if I've done something wrong in hopes of starting a conversation. It truly doesn't work especially nowadays but, I can walk away not feeling any guilt because "I" tried.
I felt exactly like you when you said you realized she truly isn't a friend at all and you're right - that's why it's so painful. I looked at how much time I wasted (I did realize it wasn't as reciprocal as I wanted it to be even though I worked hard at it). In your case it sounds like you were taken advantage of and used - you gave her money, you were there for her but, doesn't sound like she was there for you and you said the list goes on and on. You really don't need that - you need a friend where there is mutual respect and a give and take.
For some reason, I feel like it's more than what she said but who knows so that's all you really have to go on.
Back in 2006 I bought a book called "What Did I Do Wrong? - What to do when you don't know why a friendship is over" by Liz Pryor. She went on this journey because she had experienced it and desperately wanted to find out why do women do this to each other i.e. just vanish, stop returning calls, stop talking etc. You may find it helpful as I did.
Try to remember something else we're told - friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime and unfortunately there are very few who will end up in the last category.
I'm sorry you're going through this pain especially while you're in a caregiving role. At some point, you'll find that someone else will be brought into your life while your previous friend exited. In the experience I told you about, I ended up reconnecting with one of my favorite cousins 40 years later and we are having a great time getting to know one another again even though we don't live in the same state. I wish the same for you!
Take care - the pain will pass especially when you come to a place of acceptance and then the healing will begin.
Daughter cancelled the party and didn't say if she was going to re-schedule which was why I had messaged her (I bought the kid a birthday present). Long story short it ended up that I said I will mail the present (since daughter and family live 1 hour away).
I called daughter's mother (my friend) and she ignored my 2 calls. Then I see my friend on FB so I messaged her and asked her why she didn't return my calls. She said I was nasty to her daughter. I was shocked. I do not believe I was nasty. Perhaps I wasn't having the best of days due to caregiving for my Mom and putting a dying cat to sleep.
Where is the understanding of what my life is like?
I'm sad because I have realized that my friend is truly not a friend at all if she can't understand my problems. I have always been there for her, given her money when she really needed it, and the list goes on.
I guess I am mourning the end of a friendship.
Jenna
I'm also so sorry for your loss. That's so selfish of your guests not helping you. I will never understand people.
Try to get as much rest as you possibly can.
Hugs and prayers to you,
Jenna
I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. I hope you are able to rest soon.
Your dads comment reminded me of my DH aunt who was said to never miss a funeral whether she knew the departed or not. Once DH was visiting relatives in his aunts city, A cousin had just shared that observation with DH as they were exiting a Resturant. A hearse with a string of cars following close behind was just passing by, DH cousin said, “Look there she goes now!” Sure enough, the aunt was in the stream of cars headed out of town to the cemetery.
Your dad sounds like a real sweetie. I know you will cherish him all the more. But sadly the party is often over for the one left behind. That must be the loneliest feeling.
I went to see Dad this evening. He’s so sad. Talking about he was ready to go meet Mom. Hard for me to think about. But that’s inevitable. His health is not good. My husband tried to listen to his lungs and heart. Dad told him to keep his stethoscope to himself.
It saddens me that your dad is not doing well. I'm sure the funeral/burial took it's toll on everyone especially with extended family in town. What a shame that none of them pitched in to "help" you out.
No disrespect intended but, I did get a chuckle out of your dad telling you when he passes away not to tell them.
I'm glad it's behind you and you're getting your household back on track. You all must be exhausted from this past week.
Continued thoughts and prayers -
(Joni Mitchell)
It will be wonderful when we don’t have to wear masks any longer. For now we have to do what is best.
I have made so many masks! I do all sorts of styles and fabric patterns.
I like to sew but never in a million years would I have thought I would be sewing masks.
One thing that I found odd was when checking out Pinterest there were crocheted mask. I’m assuming they must be lined or they wouldn’t be effective! I don’t get the sequined mask either! LOL
I have given tons of masks to hospital workers, my children, friends and neighbors.
So you got better news from your mother's radiologist? One time the Hospitalist for my mom told me just quite casually - "Oh, your mother has two spine fractures." Say what? We never knew.