Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
I am completely done with trying to convince others of anything. I really don’t care what they think. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on their ignorance.
I see people living in misery because all of their happiness is based on what others think of them. How sad is that?
It’s liberating to learn to value yourself and brush off negative criticism made by people who truly don’t deserve to rob you of your joy in life.
It really made a huge difference to me when I heard my therapist say to me, “Don’t let anyone steal your joy.”
I’ve been expected to please others the way my mother groomed me . I’m not allowed to say “ No “.
This is why I have very limited contact with family . My mother created the “ non family “ that we are .
That’s okay, because family doesn’t always have to be only people that are biologically related to you. We can have friends who are like family.
It is sad when parents stir the pot between siblings. Some siblings are able to overcome this and others can’t.
Sometimes, there is just too much water under the bridge and relationships can’t be repaired. That’s when I feel that the kindest thing that people can do for themselves and others is to just let it be.
need - It is sad when parents stir the pot between sibs. Mother needed allies and groomed my sis to be her ally which set sis against me, Then as adults I finally realized that sis had her own agenda. I like the saying that what other people think of you is non of your business. Works for me.
My mother is an abusive bully and my sisters and I spent our childhoods avoiding being in her crosshairs when she was angry (and that was pretty often) and we threw each other under the bus to avoid being abused.
Also, my mother always wanted an ally. One of us was the good daughter for a few days and she pitted her daughters against each other. As a result, my twin sisters to not talk to each other and I communicate with the other two only regarding our parents' care.
I think that is how she exerted her control in the family. My sisters and I never had a sibling bond.
After they are gone, I anticipate we will just go our separate ways and that's that.
It is very sad.
I totally understand . That’s how it was in my family . Mom grooming her “ ally of the month “. Pitting varying combinations of 5 kids against one another , then Mom would cry that we “ are a rotten family “ because we weren’t close , and would ask, “ Why did I bother having kids?”
We were all relieved when she died . Like I said there is very limited phone contact . We have all gone separate ways.
@Golden,
One of my sisters is very similar to my mother , always has an agenda . This one I have been no contact for years. Ironically my mother and sister did not recognize how similar they were . They were both manipulative liars , both claimed to be the victim and complained they were treated badly when they didn’t get things their way and always blamed others for their behavior . My sister is always trying to get an ally while complaining and lying about the others , about how she was somehow slighted . Complaining she is a victim and Stirring the pot is her favorite pass time . It makes everyone stay away from her , which gives her even more reason to claim she is a victim “ ousted by the family “. She blames me , says I orchestrated getting her kicked out when in fact I am the one who removed myself from the family first . The others just followed my example and went seperate ways .
@Need,
I’m over it. Are there times I wish I had a better relationship with some of my siblings , yes. But I have accepted as do I think they have , that it just is not possible. We all have demons we fight , and we just can’t make it all fit in one room.
I would like to know why some moms tend to pick the screw up kid as their favorite! My mom had a very soft spot for my oldest brother who had his issues throughout his lifetime.
I know a woman who raves about her son who is definitely the ‘black sheep’ of the family. She treats the rest of her kids like crap. Her excuse is that “Jesus goes after the lost sheep.”
I told her, ‘Yes, Jesus does go after the lost sheep, but He doesn’t forget about the rest of his flock.’
My mom would play all of us against each other at times too. It’s a horrible thing to do. In general, she favored her sons.
I find it interesting that some women are extremely jealous of their daughters. Or the mothers who live vicariously through their children, they are very annoying!
I kept my distance from the ‘stage’ moms. There were a few of those in my daughter’s theatre group. They drove me nuts!
I don’t know . It was stunning to see how my mother could turn on a dime to embrace one kid at any given time if she thought that kid would do what she wanted , and simultaneously shun her most recent favorite as if that child was always the problem .
On the whole though , Mom clearly favored my brother . The oldest and only boy. My DH calls him the Prince . It fits him . He’s rude at times , always aloof , he talks down to all his sisters as if we are still little stupid girls . He still will collectively call us “ the girls “. No doubt he learned his view of us ( and women in general ) from watching how my mother treated us .
My wonderful MIL wasn’t that way though. She wasn’t sexist at all. I thanked her for raising a son who became a fabulous husband. She had a wicked sense of humor. She said that she had to “deprogram” her husband because his mom waited on him hand and foot!
My MIL was a wonderful woman. I was very fortunate to have her in my life. She was an only child and neither her mother nor her mother in law were kind to her. She broke the cycle and was a great mom and mother in law.
Yup, “the girls “ were not encouraged to go to college by my mother . For some reason it threatened her . She said that’s for boys . Fortunately Dad encouraged school . But of course to the outside world my mother took credit for the fact that we went to college .
My mother never read to us . She hated books and papers , said they were unsightly , messy .
My mom did read to us. When I got old enough to ride my bicycle out of my neighborhood, I rode my bicycle for miles and miles to go to the library. We only had one car. My dad drove it to work. So, I walked, rode my bike, took the bus or street car to get everywhere.
I didn’t understand why my mother favored the boys when I was younger, but I loved not being babied as I grew older because I learned how to be independent.
My mom was glad that I went to college. She was a straight A student and a perfectionist at everything she did. There were times where I felt like she didn’t notice me or encourage me like she did with my brothers. My dad filled in the gaps.
Anyway the old gentleman that owns the house was in the home while we looked . He sat in his recliner with his walker in front of him watching TV . He asked where we were from ( our NY accent still gives us away 20 years after moving to PA). We got to talking and the gentleman was so lonely , he was telling me his situation . His wife is in assisted living and he’s selling the house because he has run out of money . He thinks he’s going to live with one of his children but not sure . ( whatever that means ) . He seemed a bit off to me . You could tell he was a very good looking man when he was young , he is still handsome now with his think white hair . He showed me a picture of him and his wife in what looked like the 1960’s . They were hippies. His wife was beautiful and he was indeed handsome . Anyway, that’s been on my mind .
I was a nervous wreck just getting through a biopsy on a solid mass at age 40. I don’t think that I could handle it as well as Alva is.
In the past we usually found jokes about sagging parts , wrinkles , gray hair etc .
Well now most of the funny cards about the two of us getting older were not appropriate . What I saw today was alot of the jokes were about memory issues . There was even one that said on the front of the card “ I’ve been trying to text you using the garage door opener “. 😬😬. The inside read “ I hope you get this message” .
In general all the “ funny “ cards were awful . Not funny . I also needed to buy an anniversary card for my DH , terrible too . The greeting card companies need new ideas , or go back and recycle some old cards . I went to two different stores and settled on cards that were Ehh .
Maybe I should just buy blank cards and come up with something to write .
He says that his doctor is sending him to a neurological chiropractor. I am not familiar with this kind of treatment. My dad saw a chiropractor for his back.
I asked him why was he being sent to a neurological chiropractor. He said that his doctor thinks that it will help him with deal better with his nerve functioning.
He’s is still doing physical and occupational therapy since his stroke. He no longer needs to continue with his speech therapy. He’s also seeing a specialist for hand therapy.
I hope that he will find relief. He’s still having mobility issues since his stroke. It was a major stroke. He nearly died.
Strokes are very complex and affect people differently depending upon the severity of the stroke. My brother has dealt with high blood pressure for years. I know that is one cause of a stroke. He’s also had several heart surgeries.
My dad had high blood pressure for years as well. He was never the same man again after his stroke occurred. His stroke happened shortly after his open heart surgery while he was still in the hospital.
I wonder how often strokes occur after surgery.
I don’t know all of the things that cause a stroke. I guess smoking can cause strokes too.
Gosh, I went through IVF 3 times trying to conceive a child. It wasn’t successful for me but it has been for many couples.
I would hate to see that IVF wasn’t an option for couples trying to conceive a child.
We have come so far in medicine and now we are going backwards with these restrictions. Grrrrrrrrr…
I remember the nuns placing televisions in our classrooms to watch the very first landing on the moon.
Dementia is so confusing and difficult to understand. It’s so sad to see younger people struggling with this disease.
Look at how Robin Williams’ suicide shocked the world. He had Lewy Body Dementia. It was discovered after an autopsy had been done.
Robin Williams knew he had dementia, an autopsy it only confirmed the diagnosis
I guess that my brother’s doctor is trying to find relief for him and is willing to give the neurological chiropractor a chance.
These particular chiropractors are supposed to have specialized training dealing with nerve damage.
My brother is still dropping things all the time. He’s having a lot of problems with his hands.
Okay, I didn’t remember if Robin Williams knew about his dementia earlier. I know that an autopsy confirmed it.
Some people keep their diagnosis private. Alan Alda kept his Parkinson’s diagnosis private for a while but felt like it would get leaked in the media and decided to go public with his diagnosis.
Doesn’t Bruce Willis have dementia now too? I think I heard that a while back.
A doctor was just on a morning news show talking about the dementia that Wendy Williams has been diagnosed with. I never watched her television show but I know who she is.
Anyway, the doctor on the show was asked about genetics and she said that even in a set of identical twins, one twin could have a diagnosis of dementia and the other twin may not receive a dementia diagnosis until 17 years later.
Just goes to show you how dementia affects everyone differently, even in identical twins.
Interesting 🤔.
There are lots of sports figures with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy.
Need, Bruce Willis has very severe dementia.
And I would LOVE to know what identical twin studies show about dementias.
Tony Bennett had it for many years. An exceptionally devoted wife. Friends with Lady Gaga, Tony was. She also was devoted to him. You gotta love that!
Many more are going public, but we have a massive aging generation. That will make changes in approach over time, I think. When you look at the future job market all they can talk of is caregiving jobs.
I am always sad to hear about dementia diagnosis. I am concerned for my younger brother who received a dementia diagnosis. Right now he is dealing with coping after his stroke.
I hope that one day researchers will understand these diseases better and find better ways to control and treat them. I wonder if there will ever be a way to prevent dementia from occurring in the first place.
Alva,
The discussion that I was watching was referring to how genetics can’t determine how dementia affects us. Even identical twins react differently.
Genetic studies are fascinating to me.
My husband was told that it’s helpful to do genetic testing after his cancer diagnosis. His oncologist’s nurse highly recommended it, so did the oncologist. My husband didn’t go forth with any genetic testing.
I just got my grade back on my toughest final project, in my toughest master's term to date, and my strictest professor gave me 100%.
She did not take a single point off for my final project in my Measurements class, which is statistical and graphing measurement strategies + field knowledge. Apparently, I've nailed it... at least at my current learning level.
That is so incredibly validating for me. I chose the most difficult topic (not purposefully), researched it, did all the analyses, wrote the paper, gave a video presentation, and got 100%.
I'm just so thrilled. It's so validating and makes me feel like I know what I'm doing... I have often felt like this academic journey is so unknown, and while I have a game plan, my stress levels sometimes make me doubt.
She wrote in all caps that it was EXCELLENT WORK. 😁