Follow
Share
Read More
@cwillie

Copy that about the family dysfunction. Sure, sometimes a person needs to tell it to others who understand what they're going through. I get that and God knows the people here have given me good advice and support when I just needed to tell it.

You are right about there being an awful lot of it now though. I notice that there's also a lot of people who are just looking for people they can be contrary with and are clearly instigating.
(5)
Report

Burnt,

I don’t know how they decide who gets suspended. I am glad that you were reinstated because different opinions should be voiced.

We learn from each other. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we don’t. As long as we try to be respectful, that’s what counts. It’s impossible for everyone to agree on everything.

We are individuals, not clones. I would never expect everyone to agree with everything that I say. I am certainly not going to agree with every single person who posts on this forum, and that is okay!
(6)
Report

Sometimes it is only a vent. A person doesn’t really want advice. So be it. Just label it that way. Say that you are only venting. Many people need a release of pent up frustrations.
(5)
Report

“now the majority of the posts are complaints about family dysfunction.”

I learn a lot on this forum how to handle family dysfunction in caregiving. I wish it weren’t useful for me (that would mean I’ve never seen dysfunction), but it’s very useful. For example, today’s sentence from Invisible really helped me:

“Please value your life, even when others do not.”
(3)
Report

Anyone here remember Captain? He would not last 5 minutes on here these days! LOL
(5)
Report

Pam,

I loved Captain!
(1)
Report

I think it depends on how the questions are rotated also.

I love Barb’s recent thread in discussions. Unfortunately, I can never remember the name of it so it is difficult to search for it.

I wanted to add something to it and couldn’t because I couldn’t find the thread.

It seems like they run the same questions that they choose over and over.
(3)
Report

I can only speak for myself but I had a total of zero clues that I was raised in a dysfunctional dynamic. Because it’s all I knew. I’m glad that it’s become acceptable to discuss it and benefit from the experiences of others. I’d rather be happy inside and stumbling on the outside than have an outwards appearance of perfection masking misery.
(6)
Report

Anabanana,

Ditto,
I was clueless and miserable too.
Now , I’m happy on the inside and stumbling on the outside at the same time . But it’s better than before .
I accept that progress is slow and never complete.
(2)
Report

Abusers all know what they’re doing (DARVOing). An abuser can easily identify another abuser. But a sweet, honest person? That person’s in trouble. They would never dream of intentionally falsely accusing someone, intentionally denying…So it never occurs to them their abuser is doing that, over and over.

We were DARVOed. There’s nothing wrong with us. It was them.
(2)
Report

Ana and Way,

Clueless here too! Broken as well. 🙁
(2)
Report

(((HUG)))
(2)
Report

Now that I’m not dumb anymore .
I have less patience with manipulation , passive aggressive behaviors towards me. It angers me. AKA my FIL .
(2)
Report

Way,

That’s natural. You know my husband’s expression! Hahaha 🤣
(1)
Report

Need,

Hahaha,

Yeah but I still have empathy and am the fixer to a fault ( working on that ) . Even when I’ve reached my limit I find it hard to just walk away .
(3)
Report

I have nothing against the Captain but the love he still gets is confusing as heck to me - the man was (is) obviously smart as h3ll but he is also really effed up, he repeatedly posted some horrifically misogynistic, homophobic and antisemitic comments and when he was on a tear he wasn't afraid to troll a lot of people, including newbies who couldn't understand where it was coming from.
(5)
Report

Yeah, I know what you mean. My husband obviously has empathy too. He put up with me during my caregiver days. I do love his expression, “threshold of pain.”

Towards the end though, it became more difficult for him, which I feel badly about. I certainly understand that it is extremely hard on our spouses too.
(3)
Report

cw,

Oh yeah, Captain was so funny but I am sure that some people didn’t get his style of humor! Definitely an interesting and unpredictable guy.

A poster told me in a private message that AgingCare actually contacted him and asked him to come back to stir up the old ladies! LOL 😆 Who knows? I was told that he refused to come back.
(2)
Report

I don't think you ever encountered the worst side of him NHWM, especially if you think that was humorous.

Returning to add - the truly nasty stuff was always removed fairly quickly, but not fast enough to prevent people seeing it
(3)
Report

Way,

Not sure why but it seems like you have been around longer than you have. Maybe because you are very easy to speak with and very relatable.
(1)
Report

cw,

Captain used to private message wild stuff to me! He was hilarious at times! He was certainly unique! Not your average poster.

I caught him after his caregiving days. Didn’t he care for his aunt or something like that? I missed all of that.
(3)
Report

I didn’t know captain . But if it’s true that he was asked to come back to Forum to stir things up ? ??……..
That’s as bad as these reality shows that are scripted to a degree.
(2)
Report

Just to add, Captain Bob was crazy offensive but when I discovered I had bedbugs late in the day several years ago, he told me EXACTLY what to send my DH out to get at at Home Depot before it closed and how to use it safely.
(5)
Report

Have a good evening, everyone!

My friend just texted me to join her for an iced coffee. I’m heading out.
(6)
Report

No doubt he could be charming and helpful when he chose Barb, on his good days he was an interesting character who brought a much needed different perspective to the forum - a real life Jekyll and Hyde...
(3)
Report

“those who are here and making progress on overcoming trauma and abuse”

I think the point is that many posters are in that situation right now: it’s actually totally connected to caregiving. The posters are caring for abusive, elderly parents. That makes it very hard for the caregiver. (By caregiver, I don’t mean hands-on. I mean any form of helping/caregiving).

It’s not a coincidence that it’s so common for caregivers on this forum to be abused. A responsible, empathetic, non-abusive parent by definition wouldn’t want their adult child to caregive.

Just as it’s helped me, I’m sure the information on abused caregivers will help others in the future.
(2)
Report

Captain sounded knowledgable (either healthcare worker or life experienced) but tired of people unable to access common sense..

I sometimes feel like saying "Throw 'em all overboard!"
(3)
Report

@ ventingisback,

I get it.
It gets better until it gets worse until it gets better again until it gets worse etc .
You want this cycle to stop. Every day waiting for the other shoe to drop .

You are being pulled in 3 directions

1) help mom today
2) help myself today
3) just survive today

You know what YOU WANT to do , but it can be so hard when you have been doing what someone else wants you to do. Once we take on doing for others, it’s hard to stop.

I recognize your rants , it’s you fighting for your independence from the abuse because simply coping isn’t enough anymore . It’s a very emotional , angry time . You will overcome this and learn to live your own life again. ((((Hugs))))
(5)
Report

Reminder
No one can take care of anyone else,
unless they take care of themselves first.

Sometimes, just get in the shower, but hurry.
(4)
Report

If a person reaally can't take time to shower then something really has to change imho.
(4)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter