In October 2024 I posted the question asking if anyone was taking care of both parents because I'd moved both in with us May 2024. Mom and dad were moved into a nursing home May 2025 after healthcare became too much and so so very expensive. They were in a room together and they were ok. Mom would call and say, "They're nice here and really takes care of us". During the past several months though, her appetite waned and she wanted to do less (she'd started going to bingo and music time the second week they moved in!) but this year she had more falls, more outbursts, a few ER visits. Everything test wise always came back normal and I always had contact with their nurses who are great by the way (and this coming from a 31 yr RN).
In May, the day before Mother's Day mom had a UTI and was sent to the ER for psych eval and treatment because of the bizarre behavior she was exhibiting. She wind up having to be admitted to a geri psych unit for a week. I talked to the psychiatrist over the program and was pleased to learn she remembered me as we'd worked together 20 yrs ago; she made sure mom was well taken care of while there. After discharge mom had to be put in a different room than dad for safety-her behavior was sometimes harmful to dad and she'd hit one of the aides as she was trying to help my dad which was the trigger for the psych eval. That is a no-no in facilities. Mom hated being alone and for weeks called and called to say how much she hated being alone and wanted to be back in the room with dad. Once her adjusted meds kicked in, I'd planned to asked the administrator if they could move her back in with dad; her nurse asked me if she could be there to ask the same thing too. But by June 7th she'd become bit withdrawn and complacent; staying in her bed most of the day, definitely not her personality. I saw her on a Wednesday the 10th for my regular weekly visit and she was sleeping, woke up to ask if I was Ok and to tell me she loved me, then asked if she would go back to sleep. When I left I sat in my truck and cried, I knew something was coming-she wasn't sick, but I knew...I got a call Friday morning the 12th around 915am to get to the nursing home. Mom had left me. I walked in and she was gone. She appeared to just be asleep with a little smile on her face. I sat and talked to her and cried. I kissed and hugged her for a bit. As we waited for funeral home I sat and talked and talked as i didn't want her to wait alone. Dad came and sat with her too and I let him say goodbye in private (59 years of marriage).
I buried mom on the 22nd of June. We'd had bad weather every day the week before, on that day the weather was sunny. She was laid to rest near her big sister and her mother, with her grandmother's grave just a few yards away from them. Mom is with her parents now, probably the only earthly people that loved her more than me.
Thank you all for being here, be blessed and keep holding on.
I'm sorry you lost your mom, and your dad lost his long time partner in life.
I'm glad they had a good year in the nursing home! It's good to hear positive stories of how elders respond and participate in a nursing home setting. So many people are afraid of nursing homes, and they're not that bad! Some are better than others. You just have to find the one that best meets the patient's needs.
And you're right....she is now with her other family members that left this world before she did and that loved her too.
May God bless you and keep you in the days, weeks and months ahead.