This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
For example if you are sweeping the porch, cleaning inside a car, or mowing the lawn, use the nasal spray before doing these activities whether you wear a mask or not.
Cwillie, I kept thinking about your words and how I got it reversed. I admit to having problem grasping it. I now understand. It's really all about perspective. Thank you so much. I will need to copy and paste it on my To-Buy list on my devices. Easy to find and meditate on it (rearrange my thinking).
Because of that, we learned to read her blank face. Sometimes, her face changed. It gave me the willies, especially when I was trying not to be superstitious and think that our ancient ancestors decided to possess her body and enact the violence. But I swear that my mom's face changed. So hard to balance local beliefs and modern thinking. I can't tell if dad has UTI or if it's the spirits. Sometimes when I read here and how you all casually answer with UTI, I sooooo envy you all. I have to first figure out if it's physical (UTI), mental (senility, since never diagnosed as dementia), or if the spirit realm.
The travel agent goes without travel?
In my case, the care coordinator for others goes without healthcare.
Yesterday, taking my Dh to an event-it was me that went without lunch, and little to no time to pee. I was trying too hard, it was my fault.
In my opinion, you never wanted to be POA for Dad, so just relieve yourself of that duty and have a qualified non-family member do it. The indecisions can wear a person down.
I believe you about your ear draining, and would keep a good watch on that part of your health.
Where did you put those sportsacs? ha ha ha ha! I like them too.
All well. Free lunch at the Hilton. I will be attending the top 10 travel agencies award. Last year, I won the free economy ticket anywhere in Asia or North America. If you recall, I couldn't find family to babysit dad for $900 on weekdays while I was off island. Pay additional for the weekend shifts. So I gave my free eticket to my boss. I never won anything in these events in the 21 years I worked here. I finally won big and didn't use it.
Yesterday, in another book, I opened it up in the middle. It was about clothes. Why do women keep clothes that they don't look good in? It's because we're emotionally attached to it. It said to try on every single item of clothing before ridding it or not . Look in the mirror. Also why keep that too small jeans or blouse if you can no longer fit it? I...I did go through my Two dresser drawers as my 2nd project a few weeks ago. But tonight, or tomorrow - I will go through not just 2 drawers of my dresser....sigh... I have 3 long dressers - one at each side of the wall. I will go through it all and time to declutter all my dresses, skirts, slacks and jeans.
I'm trying to give myself courage to call the neurologist and make an appointment. This neck pain is one of the main causes of my headaches. The past 2 nights, I slept so well, I didn't toss and turn. I woke up with excruciating pain on the neck and head. Neck has been stiff lately. And what a coincidence! My TMJ is back! Every time I eat my left jaw hurts. While I was showering lastnight, I kept reminding myself to google those TMJ exercises. A few years ago, my jaws were hurting because of the constant gritting hard. I found some great exercises online. Mixed and matched it. Didn't take the Valium RX from doc cuz I'm easily to get hooked on drugs. And it worked with just the exercises. Trial and error.
Doc RX antibiotic, stuff for my stuffy head. Semi worked. I finally had some discharge on the dull hearing right ear. For only a few seconds, my ear cleared and I heard real sound. Then it clogged back down to dull sounds. Yet both doctors looked into that ear and see nothing wrong.
I would need help to organize my closet and cannot ask Dh because his sinuses swelled right before my eyes after he vacumned the car. It is one side of his nose and I cannot get him to wear a mask. He used the oregano oil to sniff, and a warm, then cold cloth. He is better today, but because of spring pollens, we may have to use the big Rx guns=Flonase, Benadryl, etc. Then, it is me who suffers, worrying when his behaviors abruptly change, - - -and not for the better.
My niece from Colorado is coming in mid-June. Today, I finally started to do something with my mini-hoarding. I ruthlessly went through all my purses hanging in the closet, on the arms of the treadmill, and in my 2 suitcases (use as storage.) I cringed about ridding my LeSportsac purses. Those things are expensive. But I asked myself if I really will ever use it. Nope - too small. No separate zipper for the Kindle, etc... All other purses that I want to keep but haven't used the past year - I put it in the suitcase. Yep, I also mini-hoard suitcases. Every time I go on a trip, I buy a new carry-on size suitcase that I use as my checked-baggage. I'm under 5 feet. That carry-on (24") is heavy enough that I can still struggle hard to get off the carousel. Anything bigger... I won't be able to grab and pull off. Oh, because the island is very far to get to Colorado or Virginia, my suitcases get a beating and damaged. Last year, I finally spent the money to buy a Samsonite. It survived the 25-hour flights each way.
I realized today that I will need to stock up on food for my niece's stay of 12 days. I don't know how to cook. We don't have a stove or oven or a toaster oven. Just a burner, regular bread toaster and a 700 watt microwave. The cost of food is .. I don't know if I can afford to buy real food. I will need to discuss with oldest sis what we should do. I refuse to buy real meat and then no one cooks it. I hate cooking. I keep trying but I just don't have the interest or the patience to just stand there and cook. I'm very good at doing Spam or Vienna sausage goulashes. Easy and no standing in front of the burner. Just throw it all in the pot, get it hot, then turn off the burner. Tada! We're done. Sis didn't like my Spam goulash today. She barely touched it. Sis is a plain food eater, while I throw in tomatoes, corn and mushrooms in it. Yum.... Except that Spam was awfully salty. I usually buy the less sodium can - sis buys the regular can.
Dad retired in 1990. He asked me when he retired. When I told him, he said no. He retired 5 years ago. Okaaaay. I called the doctor for his evaluation. They never received the referral. That's why they never called me. I'm still torn but am following my conscience. I will try to force myself to call his doctor's office to see if his evaluation was denied by the insurance. Shouldn't be. He has 2 insurance - Medicare and the private one.