This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
How in the world do you cope?
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Guess the "blame and judgement" game can be played until the end of time, and that has nothing to do with caring for someone with Alz./dementia.I didn't "blame" Ruth for breaking my leg!!!! It was just an unfortunate accident . Remember she had hit me in the head so hard she rang my bell. And all of that because I would not let her get a butcher knife to "cut my throat" as she had threatened . But in her little mind, that was what was going on. Even the Dr's that specialize in the field of Alz, can not give us an explanation as to why they do the things they do...
We have an epidemic of Alz. and no concrete answers, no consistent meds that work for different episodes....no text book answers, so we do the best we can. We try to keep them safe, even if it makes them angry. They slip in and out of being cognizant and we do not know where that invisible line is....Sometimes I likened it to being the one that was supposed to know where all the puzzle pieces were, have it put together, only for her to wake up in a state of mind that didn't even closely resemble the "puzzle" the day before, or sometimes even with in an hour.... I have said many times and will continue to say I HATE THIS DISEASE !!!!!!! hugs to everyone.
Happy Vacation Deef!!!!
It's such a weird feeling having the dogs out and not hearing that "swish.....is it time to party" noise coming at me. And before coffee no less. The col's dog is coming right back up the stairs now without having to coax him. But I have to look him over every single time he comes in, for some reason the ticks like him.
Maybe I will work in the col's house again for a while today. I left all the windows open last night to air out and I could smell that "smell" drifting up to me. I know a lot of it is coming from the carpet and I wish I could just rip it up but that would be like next to useless and a total waste. So I will try to shampoo the worst parts again. I need to take the vertical blinds down and put up some type of short curtain, that would keep the hot morning sun from pouring in during the summer and keep the dog from hiking his leg on each and every blind. I'm going to try and get as much crap off the floor as I can while she is gone. Just telling her things are giving the dog a place to pee only results in "he wouldn't do that" in that little girl voice that is really getting on my nerves. Ooh, do I sound a little bitter still? I found a few more sore spots from holding her off the other night.
How is everyone else? Got your hug sandy, thank you. I'm okay just a hectic night Friday. How are you? Come and tell us how things are going. I've been trying to keep up on posts, but I may have missed something.
starri......I"m glad you have your brother to help with mom. Soon I will have some and I can't wait.
I have been giving some thought to taking out the col's washer and dryer and having like a day bed built there instead. That way if someone should need to stay overnight there would be a place for them to sleep instead of on her couch. Haven't run it by hubby yet, still thinking on it. Col really can't do laundry anymore, I have noticed that in the last couple of weeks she would say she was going to wash clothes, but never did and she hangs everything from every door frame in her house to dry instead of using the dryer. I usually do her laundry so she doesn't need a washer and dryer anymore. Am I rambling again? I think more coffee is in order.
Will check back in a little while,
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Deef is on da plane....da plane!!!!!!!
Off on my great adventure!!!
Hope you are all resting.
I have no regrets about staying with Ruth until the end... But I do not want another live in position, just too damned hard and stressful and no one wants to pay well because they feel they are putting a roof over my head... one of the ladies that answered my add, was so determined to talk me into live in, I marked her off my list immediately... don't need to work for another family member that will not LISTEN to me... nope.
Almost time to leave..... told rip I wouldn't bug ya'll with emails , but sure hope you post pics I know you both are going to have a great time and make some good memories.... hugs to you..
Double locking deadbolts keep her in and restraints on her wheelchair keep her safe! She also obsessed about finances all the time. Comes from a life of having to watch every penny. Funny the things they never forget.
I like having Merry here for dinner and bedtime. Lets me spend some time with my husband. Getting her up and ready in the morning is a major chore too, but I find having help later in the day when I'm more tired, works better for me.
I hope they can get her straightened out for you and that you can get the rest you need.
Ladee, Sounds like you got a good one this time!
When she gets really bored, she has been known to dust my plantation blinds, sweep the kitchen floor and even do some laundry. She gets paid out of mom's money unless she does too much housecleaning, because I feel that is really for me, but she is also a friend. When I was still working, I paid her to clean my house while keeping an eye on mom, but mom was in much better shape then. Bless her heart, last Thurs. when she was here, hubby complained to me that the blind in our bathroom needed dusting....well, with the steam it needed more than dusting, so she cleand it. I just said yea, yea, I know, thinking your arm isn't broken. I don't let him get away with too much of that cause I KNOW he was in the AF and he had to clean the latrine with a toothbrush, he knows how to make a bed, etc. Hope that helps you. Start with a list of what you'd like done.
I gave mom a booboo that just puckered my a$$hole every time I looked at it. I pinched her finger between the chair armrest and the kitchen table. It peeled the skin back and came up a blood blister immediately. She hollered ouch and then forgot about it. It was dripping blood and I had to but some bacitracin and a bandaid on it. Bandaid will probably peel the rest of her skin when I try to take it off. This has been one of those days when everything I touch goes to h3ll.
Hubby got the patio furniture spray painted today. Later he took a ride on the bike...good night for that. Nothing else happening here. I got the garage doors shut before I got bats in the belfrey.....er...birds in the garage.
Starri, guess it is about time for your evening shift. I'll try to stay up later for you.
Burned.....How are things going?
ASG? what's shaking? How was Auntie today? It was Auntie day today, right? Yeah, rrriiiiight !! Like every day isn't Auntie day. Did you let the cat out?
Ladee, how much cleaning do you do? Lunch? I always tell Kathy what is available for lunch....any leftovers, cold cuts, chips, soups, egg or tuna salads. Gonna make some ham salad tomorrow. Just rambling on ....lil doggie...bye
deefer they did a UDS last night in the ER, but I didn't hear the results. We are waiting until the "real" doctors see her on Monday to start putting a plan together.
The doggie is doing fine. He is still running to her back door first when he goes out, and we really have to coax him back up the stairs, but he knows he's loved and being taken care of.....he's one of the kids....:)
Hi to everyone else......my mind is too scrambled to name names right now, but I'm thinking of you all......................
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Getting a daily report is important, I never could get either of my previous families to do that. It is a preventative measure, so that everyone is on the same page. Especially if certain things need to be done with Alz. behaviors...I would practically beg BG not to argue with Ruth.. If Ruth said it had rained, then I agreed. BG would come in and argue, drag her to the window, ect. And routine is absolutely necessary with Alz. or dementia. If Ruth knew what to expect everyday, then things went much smoother. If the house was full of people, everyone trying to talk to her like she was "regular" granny, then I had a stressed and anxious lady on my hands when everyone left. She was not able to process all that noise... I know the col is not in last stages Alz. like Ruth was, but the sooner she gets into a routine when she gets home the better.
I am praying that they find appropriate meds for her. I always say finding the right meds or the right combo is a crap shoot. What works for some, won't work for others.. I would let them keep her until THEY saw the results they were looking for.
Sorry it has come to this, but now you will have your own little "army" of people who know her, her behaviors, ect. The more trained people involved the better quality of life she will have and therefore the people around her.will know what to expect...
Prayers for you finding a person that can do this job. Hope you are getting some rest now.. hugs to you
I had a little surprise when I went out to the garden this morning...as a matter of fact I never made it to the garden. I walked out into the garage and had 2 birds squawking and flying and hitting themselves against the walls !! Had to have been there all night. I opened the doors right away and came back inside. One flew out immediately. I went outside from the patio out the back and snuck over to the garden and heard the second one still crying about it. He's gone now. We had one in he garage once that just could not fly low enough to get out. Poor thing beat himself on the walls, the ceilings, shit purple on the door into the house and I don't know if it was gonna live. I had blood on the ceiling by the light fixtures and dripped on the floor. The ceiling is so high I can't reach the top with a broom. And every other neighbor has kids who drive and they leave the garage doors open all the time and I never hear anything about birds. You'd think I lived in the boonies. Well, mom has decided to go outside.........hhuummmm...see how long that lasts......later
Love and Hugz,
Jam
ASG....Aunt sounds so much like the col. Last night in the ER she couldn't have been more sweet and kind speaking. Made me grind my teeth a little harder....but they all know me and they knew I was not exaggerating. Several of them looked at me and said "you look so tired".....ya think sunshine? She will be gone for at least a week, I didn't know it until last night that they can keep her up to a month. Don't need that long, but at least a week will help. We will talk with her doc on Monday and see what we need to do to straighten out her horrible mood swings. Anyway, when we started this whole process we told her that we wanted to do a POA because if something should happen to her, then we would be able to access her information so we could help. We explained that if she was unable to give permissions, etc for treatment then this would only benefit her. She didn't argue about it at all. The only times we have had to use it is for hospitalizations and banking. Finances are completely beyond her now. She kept screaming for her purse last night and Target finally told her there was nothing in it, we have her credit cards and checkbook. Right after that is when she decided to rip my face off. We noticed with her ranting last night that she is very financially fixated. She had a look in her eyes that I've not seen before....she was just a wild woman.....kinda like seeme when she's chasin' them bunnies......:) love ya.....
ASG you should try and get Aunt to sign a POA before she gets to the point where she can't and then you would have to have a judge make you her guardian. What she is doing is EXACTLY what the col has been doing....and it's only going to get worse. Wonderful outlook isn't it?
And on top of everything else, I don't know if y'all heard on the news about the police officer that was volunteering in Joplin after the tornado and was struck by lightening. He passed away yesterday and my heart is broken. He was the son of my former EMS director and I watched this boy grow up....he and my son are the same age. He worked in North KC.....they are bringing him through the town where we live right now with local police and fire standing at attention on all the overpasses. And it sounds like the medical helicopters are doing flyovers. Been there, done that and it always broke my heart every damn time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I'm going to be a blubbering mess here shortly, so I am going to go start cleaning the col's hovel. It stinks.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Seeme, try to get some rest today, and I liked Jam's picture of you tooling down the hiway...
ASG, maybe Aunt Weird will be next if she doesn't straighten up.
I will check back in later... hugs to all, and Burned, and Sandra and Starri and Linda.
hugs to you,,,,,
Love ya,
Jam
Will try and catch up on everyone's posts today; please bear with me. I am not ignoring anyone. I have read and my heart is with ALL of you.
Love and Hugz,
Jam