This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
My mother is more manageable now because she is sicker. Sad to say, but true...
A big hug and GOOD LUCK to everyone.
I am a lot more compassionate, more tender in my dealings with mom, no way near as angry, AND I actually smile and laugh more that I ever have. Not that my BP is going down, but enough to see some humor in what I deal with every day. Getting help to come in has done most of that. I realize I can't do it all , there is nothing to prove by doing it all, and I am not feeling guilty for not doing it all. Let me know if any of this helps.
It probably sounds selfish of me, but I would like her to have a good day or so with me, they've always seen me as the strong one, the one who would get things done, etc..truth of the fact? that person is a fake, I put up the front because it has to be done.
right now I want to run, and run as far and as fast as I can, I don't want this responsibility but there is no one else for her. Baby brother would try, but try is all he can do. Thanks for listening.
I hate this disease, I hate it.. I wonder how he is going to be a year from now... I watched Ruth decline so fast the last year.. is he still going to be sweet???
Hope everyone had a good day, my brain is fried from hardly any sleep and then waking up at 4 and could not get back to sleep..... so I will probably not be back this evening,,, hugs to everyone,,, catch ya'll tomorrow...
Now if you have other longer running issues with the past, I can't answer to that. I just know I was always the one who took charge, and she lets me and wants me to do that now.
Going to piss them both off I am sure, but I have to do what I have to do, question for you? do you ever think that the person you are caring for is "faking" it sometimes? I came over this afternoon, my brother said she's been having a great day, I no sooner walk in the house and she's ready for icu or something. I seriously wonder if she is putting on being in pain and such just cause I am here, back when I was younger, the more serious I got about a guy, the worse her "fainting" spells got. My brother has a hard time I know recognizing things but still..
Any way, chat with you later.
So sorry about your Dad. Do any of your sibs help with Mom or are you on your own? I have been taking care of my mil for a year and a half....but no more. Getting some help at least 3 days a week. I have herniated discs in my neck and disc disease in lower back and there is no way I can handle her and she weighs not much over 100 lbs. And doctor's orders say I can't lift over 25 lbs......couldn't do it if I had to pick her up. She's in the hospital right now getting a tune-up so hoping she will be better by the time they spring her.
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.
And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak.. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.
I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..
This is my prayer.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.
col was able to tell her doctor yesterday what her address was, but that was about it. Still doesn't know where she is, why or how she got there. Hope she doesn't start harping on makeup when we see her later. Too bad....it's gone. She's getting the fence instead.....:)
am glad ure havin 4 hrs time to urself . 4 hrs fly by so fast doesnt it ?
i love goodwill , salvaton army , ohh wish it was thurs or fri or sat that u could get away ,, YARD SALES ! i miss em so much . i went to one and i think that is it .
ah well i have enuff junk here anyway lol .
seemeride ! how was the reunion with TED ? hope you all have had a good time . fill us in about it .
JAM - fence sounds great , col s lit home gonna look good when she gets home :-) . bet she ll be happy to be back in her home ,
ah hubby just walked by and smile . i think i ll go and harras him for a while . hes off work this week . took him to hospital last friday , herat was flippin floppin , pains too . ah heart is fine , it was high blood pressure that was stressing his heart out , last week he was on vacation now this week its dr s order to stay home cuz he had the cath done .
you all have a good day .... xoxox
When the incontinence started with the col, it was the little spot on the back of her jeans, so we suggested she get Depends. She went out and bought pads, which didn't work. When we moved her here we found a bunch of used, dried up pads under her bathroom sink....saving them in case she ran out....ewwwwwwww! Finally got her in Depends and after trial and error, I have found that since she doesn't like to get up and move, where the pad is glued onto the "panty" on Depends was rubbing her tailbone raw. That's when we went through the hoards of toilet paper and kleenex being stuck in her pants. Then I went to Tena's which are more expensive and harder to find in a larger quantity. She has done the tp bit with those too but not as much. Then I found some Assurance. The legs are cut square and the panty part is a little bigger and they just seem to work better all the way around. Once Aunt gets used to them, she won't complain, but believe me you don't want her sitting around wetting herself all the time. I don't know how to explain the shape the col's house was when we moved her. I would walk in the door and gag, my eyes would water and honest to God, I couldn't stay in there. Then I would smell like that!!! Even now, we have a couple of things in our garage that we took out of her house and with the heat the whole place stinks. But I can't leave the door open or snakes will crawl in. And one is a beautiful Lane cedar chest....guess I could set it outside and see if the sun would bake the smell out. With my luck it would make it worse and ruin it.
54.....glad to hear your morning started off well. What's the weather like? If it's warm I think I would take my favorite book, get something to eat, go to the park, don't forget a blanket to sit on and have myself a nice little picnic. Listen to the birds and just let the world go on around you. I hope you do something fun for yourself.
Howdy to all.................hope you are having a great day....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
have a great day I plan on it . I HOpe
Did somone say cowbell???? Someone else used a cowbell it drove em nutts. Good luck. Starri, can you tell hospice about your issues with this bed? Request a new one? Somtimes all you have to do is ask. The worse they can do is say no. Ladeeda, hey lady. Hope you have a good day with sonny. Maybe he would like the memory game. I bet he would like to do somthing he thinks is work. Seemer, hope you recover on your day off. Jam, are the guys working in your front yard hot??? I bet I know why you need to go so bad to watch them work. Lol. Some tan city boys pulling weeds for ya? Grab you a glass of tea, plant you a lawn chair on the front porch anf enjoy ;) or if your like me just plant you a chair inside behind a closed windowshade lol. Jk sorry I must have cargiver brain today love you all big big big hugs. To everybody.
Hope everyone is doing well. Welcome to 54j. You do have your hands full.....bless your angel heart.....maybe we can put our heads together and see if we can come up with a way to allow you some extra time off to yourself. Only 4 hours and spending that with your sister is not time enough for you to recharge. And what an angel you are for using your time with her!
starri.......sending you hours of uninterrupted sleep.....it sounds like your brother does a real good job of helping with mom when someone else is there also. Maybe that should be his time?
I can hear water running.....front yard guys must be here to finish...will check back later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
My day off today, so I am getting a shower and getting this day started. See you all later this afternoon...........have as good a day as possible.........
We found out I quit breathing 66.4 times per hour for up to 20 seconds at a time. Rather than dragging my cpap back and forth, I've just been leaving it here at the house, and then getting my sleep when I can here.
I have a cow bell that a friend gave me, think I am going to figure out a way to hook that up so if she gets out of bed this evening, I will hear her...that thing will wake the dead. Hope you have a wonderful day, I think I am going to go check my eyelids for light leaks...rofl...
Starri, do you have HH or Hospice??? Hospice should provide you with a bed and anything else you may need? Sorry to hear you didn't get any rest. We are so happy you are a part of this thread. That's what you have to do, just jump in and everyone gets to know each other and we don't feel so alone..
ASG, girl, I just couldn't do what you are doing, no way.... I'd have to get stupid with the aunt for talking to my kids that way... What a bossy old thing she is... hmph..
Rossella, glad to hear you had a good time with your friends.. How is your mom? Keep in touch.. love ya
Seeme, today is the day for fun.. enjoy yourself and eat something good for me..
Jam, sounds like things are moving right along.. the house and yard all set up for the col when she comes home.. Hopefully the right meds will be on board. Also hope this caregiver works out... let us know..
Today is my long day as Ms. M has to go for her transfusion today.. It will be Sonny and I, need to find something for him to do, he is bored and that is not good for Alz.
Didn't get much sleep last night, so am going to go get this day started so I can get done, come home and take a nap.... love to all, hugs across the miles..
He informed me today that he has done caregiving, he is doing it for our friend, our friend is still capable of taking care of himself, Jerry can't keep track of his own three meds, never mind Mom's 18.
I keep telling myself it's his illness, but I got in his face this morning about his attitude...I've had enough. I've come home to try and get some decent rest, all we have scheduled for today for her is her CNA, she just helps to bathe her, he can handle that.
Going for the bed, see you ladies later.
If I was ever tested, I would find out what I have going on with my sleep. I do a lot of snoring...always have. And I sleep very deeply. I used to think it was because all 6 of us kids were so close in age you had to learn to sleep like the dead to sleep at all. Now, when my eyes close, my ears slam shut !! That's why the baby monitor in my room even though she is only across the hall.