This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
She turned 94 in May and the last 3 mths she has had a rapid decline.. She is incontinent, can't walk without help, anxiety is elevated..She needs wheelchair at Day Program. The walk from parking lot to building is exhausting.. She been choking on clear liquids. The last 4 days she slept 14 hrs straight. Last night she was up 8 times calling for "Gold help me"..
Too funny thought right now she eating a piece of cake with a fork all by herself.. Tomorrow she'll look at the fork like it's a foreign object. Lol..
I knew this day would come and actually I'm relieved to have someone to lean on.. I can get all questions answered..Even if they seem dumb..
So I hope you all have a great time!
P.s... I too have found out that if I talk to dad, he's a nicer person. Most of my family ignores him or don't go out of their way to talk to him. Midnight. I'd better go to sleep. I get up at 6:30.... Take care...
Now my husband and I are facing our latest challenge: in a week we're taking Dad on a cruise. When we booked the cruise, he wasn't quite as bad as he is now. He may have gotten worse, but he knows he's going on a cruise and he really wants to go. We've cruised together with him for over 15 years, a cruise a year, so it's not like this is new to us. But the challenges might well be monumental and we're stiffening our spines, hoping we can make the best of things. We've taken steps to be sure we can see to his needs, particularly in hygiene and mobility. He sees this as his last cruise (and it will be, because I can't see doing this again) and is looking forward to it. My husband and I aren't alone in it, either. We cruise as a family, every time, so there will be other family members to help with him.
So that's how this caregiver is doing. Currently mellow, hoping for better, pretty sure that's unrealistic...but this is a much better place than where I was a month ago.
Hi Genevieve, glad you're doing all right. Better than having a lousy day. =)
I decided to postpone my dinner and help her out. I started telling her funny stories about dad by trying to get dad to tell it to her. He was not having it - at first. But the more I talked and laughed, he started to loosen up a bit, and the nurse was able to finish up. As she was cleaning up, I saw something red go rolling off the paper thingy. I said, "Don't forget that one. Just looking at it is making me queasy. I'll never make it as a nurse."
She took his vitals and then started doing her chart. Since I was on the roll about dad's 'funny' side, he finally joined in and joked back. He laughed so hard, the nurse was shocked. She kept staring at him, at me, at him. She told dad that she has never seen him, in all these years, laugh like that. She said that he looks like me when he laughs. Hey!!! That's not a compliment for me! That means when I laugh, I look like him! She repeated again that when dad laughs, he looks like me. She said our face lights up when we laugh. She kept staring at dad with amazement.
As he turned, I looked him in the eyes and said, "I'm getting so forgetful lately. I actually forgot what to do next - and it's just changing your pamper! You know what this means, don't you?"
He looks at me silently with suspicion. I quietly and very seriously continued, "Because I'm so forgetful now, I'm forgetting how to change your pamper. This means that I should no longer be changing your pamper."
He laughed so hard, as if I was making a joke (Not!!), and shook his head. He said no. D*rn, I will keep trying until I wear him down...
I'm late changing his pamper by one hour. I'd better do it now before he decides to stick something into his pamper and pull out 'the dirt '....
I'm glad that your friend's fundraising was a success! When I read that your mom had a blast and what your hubs said to her - just made me smile so widely. I'm glad for all of you - even You!