This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I'm glad you got good news at the Dr's, with your lesion, but still, if they don't all clear up, you be sure to do a follow up!
Your Dad andbhis urinary problems. How often does he have his catheter changed, or is that some that you have been trained to do? I'm sure that you know that those things can get clogged up and pretty junky, after 10-14 days, or at least that was my experience with my own Mom, when she was on Hospice. They changed hers out every 10-14. Yucky!
I honestly don't know how you can continue to do this long term, as you have been doing, its wrong on so many levels, how you been treated, and I hope that there is some Respite or Refuge in your near future! You have my utmost respect Girly Girl! I'm right there with you in that I feel like ive been in the trenches for more than 20 years, in some form or another, but only the last 13 with my FIL in our home. Still, I have my husband and I'm more his backup, than the main caregiver, and when it was my own parents declining health, all 6 of us kids shared equally in their care, and I know that you don't have that same level of support. Please know that I am thinking about you and sending you good vibes for a break in some way shape or form, coming up here soon, Love Stace!
We have a water leak. I can't find where it is. Bro of next door... I'm just so tired of constantly worrying about everything. I really don't ask much from him.... I need to find an honest handyman who won't rip us off.....
Me, "Why?"
Dad, "K needs to change my pamper."
Me, "Why?"
Dad, "Because it's her job."
Me, pissed off, "It is NOT my job!!!"
Dad - suddenly jerked and looked toward me. Oops, he didn't know it was me. He thought he was talking to my sister. He quickly said, "Well. You always change my pamper."
I hate changing pampers... even when I was a teenager babysitting my nieces/nephews. I always told my sibs that I don't do pampers. And I didn't. Now, I've been doing adult changing pampers for at least 16 years. It Is Not My Job!!!!
Before I left the doctor's office, I made sure to ask her specific things. Obviously, she thinks I know what to do - like the first visit.... I asked her that since she treated it with nitro, should I still use bandage tonight when I sleep. No. .... It gets itchy. She told me to take Benadryl. She said that touching it and covering it - will spread it. I must leave it open. Well, I will listen to her on this - since we have the big one healing. But if that small one that looks like it has an air bubble pops open, I'm going to have to cover it - because my bra strap will be rubbing it constantly, or my blouse will - and that will spread the fluid and affect other areas.
P.S.as I was leaving, walking down the hallway, I overheard her telling the nurse that the small ones are not warts. It's lesions. She was going to do a biopsy today but it's not needed. Yay! The insurance will at least cover this visit.
Patticake, my parents have 8 kids. Of those 8, I chose to stay home and help dad with mom (just diagnosed with dementia) when I was around age 24 (?). I'm now 50 and still caregiving. Mom finally passed away about 3 years ago. OMGosh, her dementia lasted over 20 years! I'm the middle child. I was not aware that my dad was telling everyone - behind my back - that I was a bad daughter. I started getting suspicious when someone approached my brother at the restaurant and asked questions about me. Then my sister-in-law's father had the nerve to tell ME, ME - not his daughter's husband - ME - that I needed to do more in helping my parents. My 7 siblings got married, had children and grands. All I had was work and home...because dad needed to be relieved from caregiving mom in the daytime. I had NO weekends. I put my life on hold and .. people, even my dad's sister - all thought I needed to do more. Then, my dad started telling me in my face that I was a bad daughter. I Hate Those Words!! It still gets to me. It still hurts - the Betrayal. He's now bedridden. And I can't stand him. .... He told me from the beginning when I was in my 20's that this house and land will be going to my brothers in the mainland. If I want land, I will have to marry a guy with land. Period.
The part where you were going to buy your mother's house and then her saying she wasn't going to sell it reminds me of what happened to me a few years ago. Now I don't depend on anything. If I could get her to move into AL, I would gladly let the house go to help pay her expenses. Our freedom and happiness is worth so much more than money.
I'm terrible at small talk. I have to admit that talking to my mother is very hard for me. She has certain things she tells again and again from her younger years. She doesn't know much about anything that interests me. Well, really, she never has let me talk, so I don't even try. She knows almost nothing about me. We are worlds apart. I don't spend a whole lot of time with her, because it would be too hard on me. I feel bad leaving her alone so much. There is so much to do, though, and really not much connection between her and me other than living in the same house.
Trying to stay off it completely is going to be difficult. If I never had my heart infection and had a long thin stent inserted from my inner elbow and up towards the shoulder for the antibiotic IV, I wouldn't know how difficult it is with your situation. Mine was trying to not get it wet while showering, figuring out how to bend the arm despite the pain and remaining completely bedrest for 6 weeks. They didn't even want me to do my laundry! (Not that I listened) I only lasted 3 weeks home. My dad drove me crazy - to the point I was hiding in my bedroom much of the time. I didn't last long staying home because the sound of his voice calling my name caused my heart rate to increase fast. I couldn't drive daily to fave sis house because she lives on a bumpy curvy road. Driving was difficult period with an arm that couldn't bend much and ohhhh the pain to bend and move it while driving! I went back to work to get away from dad. Work was not as stressful as staying home - I told the doctor- despite her advice of not going back to work.
Hehe, I don't think your home life is stressful enough for you to want to flee it. But to learn to do things one-legged and/or sitting is something else! I hope you won't need surgery, too. 4 weeks. You can do it! You take care and be careful with that leg. {{{Hugs}}}}
You saw the x-ray? Tell me, cause mine was broken, then again a year later, opposite side, same left ankle.
How are you feeling? Hot pink, that is at least some fun. Maybe others will notice and help you with some chores?
I remember comments from Ladee about one of her clients. Her client was becoming violent and only showed it to Ladee. But not to her daughter. Even though Ladee warned the daughter about this, the daughter didn't believe her - because her mom was 'normal' when around her. I worry about this and dad. If you all recall, he was abusive to me until recently. I've mentioned here how he has changed a lot! Now, with my 3 nieces telling me how he is towards them, I now wonder if he's pulling the wool over MY eyes. And I fell for it - hook, line and sinker. Fave niece already told me that she's not foolish to go near grandpa. He's threatened violence to her. Now.... I... I'm just tired of it all.
I took leave for this Tuesday to Saturday. I told oldest sis that I'm off on Tuesday. So, she's off on Tuesday, and I will cover for her. She needs a vacation from her daily boring grind of not-doing-much job. But I also don't want her to have another nervous breakdown while living here. She needs time off from dad and jumping to his every demands. {{{eyes rolling}}}
By the way, Veronica, I did think of ear plugs except I have tinnitus. "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" nonstop. You know when you go to the clinic and they put you alone in that exam room waiting for the doctor to come in? I hate that because I can hear that "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" is really really loud. {chuckling} However, when dad started the sundowning, I Did dig up my earplugs that I bought for my trip last year. It's on the shelf - in case I get desperate enough to try it. =)
As for siblings... yeah, you read about them all over this website. BUT, there are some great non-24 hour siblings here who do help as much as they can. I think they're great to try to help out.
Veronica, yeah... 2 more baby ones popped up late this morning...along the band-aid's line! Your comment just reinforced what I Suspected. I'm really really trying not to panic because my imagination is just flying all over the place. You know what's so terrible? I already Knew I was going to find the new ones even before I saw it. I get this 'tingling' underneath the skin area. Even though I looked at it - nope did not touch it - this morning - I saw nothing. I was not one bit surprised when it finally popped up. Right where the 'tingling' was. I still have a large box of 4x4 non-woven sponges when I stocked up for mom's trache/stomache tube care. Thanks for reminding me that I can use those to cover it tonight when I go to bed.
The cancer rate on your island is probably due to the nuclear tests done in the vicinity years ago. This stuff can take thousands of years to go away. As you may recall some of the islands still can't be inhabited.
Can you try ear plugs so you can sleep during the sundowning. You know he won't be able to fall out of bed everything else can wait till you wake up.
Sorry, all. Lately I've been having one problem after another. I think it's the constant stress all these years, and it doesn't help with dad now into some minor sundowning - it's finally affecting my immune system. I can't believe how constant this thought has been floating in my head lately, these past few weeks: "I'll take the daily migraine headaches anytime." Having new health issues - one new stuff after another is frustrating me. I can honestly say that I am just so miserable .. as in the tummy area and now the warts. And those warts are sooooo itchy. Wednesday seems too far away.
I tried reading my ebook, reading here, but.. I just can't concentrate.
Oh.. fave niece and I had more ... oh! gotta go! Please don't let this mean I now have diarrhea!!! I really need to work on de-stressing and building up my immune system....
See Book, We've got your back!
Caregivers together, heloing other caregivers-really nice!
Thanks everyone!
When my daughter was little, she had a wart virus pop up up on her tummy. There was one bigger one, the about 10 more little ones that popped up near it. Then the big one got scratched somehow, became red and angry, then it disappeared, and then all the little ones did too, over the course of about 4 weeks time. It is of course difficult to diagnose over the Internet, and I'm no Dr, but it does sound familiar! Get it rechecked by your Dr! 😀 I hope this helped!
as for my travel duties,, I am running low on patience some times! I tend to "hoover" and it stresses us all out! Mom is going to Aunts next week for 2 weeks again, and this really helps!