This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
How about hitting the Home page? There is some list of topics about assisting parents to go to Assisted living. Why don't you read up on it from there, and click on other links displayed as you read along.
Whatever you do - Do Not Take on taking care of Aunt!!!! At the age of mid-20, I Mistakenly thought mom's dementia would only last a few years and then she will pass away. Not! She finally passed away 23 years later. My dad started down the road of senility/dementia 3 years ago. He's bedridden and healthy as an ox... I sooo hope it's not going to be another 15 years of my life! I've worn out some of my body parts from changing bedridden vegetative-state mom. I cannot with dad. I get these very sharp very painful back pains when I bend over the bed too long. Decades of wear and tear.
IF you think Aunt may be a danger to herself, you can call APS (Adult Protective Service) and explain the situation. Please make sure to get names and times when you speak to them. If you think she needs meals, there are programs called meals-on-wheels, etc... Try calling the ... sorry..my mind went blank. Too tired... Just know this - that if you take on the care of Aunt, that will be another 15 or more years. There are alternatives.
I hope all goes well with your knee.
...because I haven't been on YOU thread in FOREVER!!
Hope everyone is doing well over here!
I've moved to DYS permanently because I belong there lol. Love to all.
And...
I am sorry.
Also along with my own health issues of having Lupis and rymothoid arthritis. There were times I thought I would just loose my mind. All the care of two house holds and the back and fourth to hospitals for treatment, all became to much for me physically. I crashed and was warned by doctors to take care of myself first. I am not that kind of person and it was family. What do you do? You plug on and do the best that you can at that moment. When my mom lost her battle, I so hated what it did to her. It took her away from her family, put her through hell and then some. And at the same time caring for my in-laws who only wanted their needs taken care of. It was a time in hell and never thought it would end. When they passed away they were in heir lat 80 and early nineties. I finally had some peace in my life. The strain of trying to care for them all has taken a tole on my body and mentally I was just exhausted. So for the first time in my life I was not taking care of someone. Just in the last few months my moms younger sister who is 78 and showing moderate signs of dementia and paranoia and lives alone needs help. This is an area I know nothing of and don't know where to start to help if I can. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know! I am in my early 60 and have some health concerns as I stated before and getting older now don't know if I can take this on by myself. I am heading in for a knee replacement soon and will be out of commission for a while.
What you're saying is what I'm saying, too. But I'm back on that merry-go -round. I'm back to self doubting, questioning....
How am I? Daily migraines. Muggy hot weather. Lately, by the time I reach the 2nd floor outside stairs, my body is tired, throbbing head /neck. Before reaching the 3rd floor, I'm hot and flushed. Definitely huffing and puffing. So difficult to breathe, heart pounding rapidly. This is new for me. My heart is fine because the other doctor listened to my chest every time I visited her {last visit was the wart follow-up.} She did recommend I see my regular doctor about my swallowing problem. Food and capsule small/normal pills seem to get stuck in this one area of my trache. She said I need to have that thingy (..scope) go down my throat to see why....
Last Saturday, when I came home from work, I usually look at dad first. He was a bit flat lying down. Fave sis, hubby and pregnant niece were here. When niece saw me glance at her grandpa, she was quick to say that Grandpa needs another pillow behind his back. I didn't say anything. I'm tired and with 3 adults, no one thought to make him sit up straighter. I walked in, got to his side and said, "Sit up, Dad." He grabbed the railing and pulled himself to sitting position. I then adjusted the current THREE pillows behind him to help prop him up, adjusted the U-shape microfiber travel neck pillow behind his neck. He's now sitting upright. Niece said, "Oh.." Sigh.... You know, I've found dad in worse position when oldest sis is watching him. He's completely flat on the bed, with only his head held awkwardly upward on the pillow...like L-shape position Head bent at neck to the body position...Not L-shape as in upper body bent at waist/butt area to legs. So, his coughing is due to family feeding him in a not elevated position. They all know better but ... no one wants to get near him.
1. "Where you at?" .... {Where are you?}
2. "Where you stay?" ... {Where do you live?}
3. "Are you getting down?" ...{Are you getting out of the car?}
Others.... "Open the light, close the light" ... {Turn on the light, turn off the light.}
I won't even go into how frustrating it is when mainlanders come here and directions are given by landmarks {which can include former landmarks no longer in existence}. And how I recently was frustrated trying to give directions without landmarks because I don't know the street name. In the end, I told her to ask her coworkers for the directions.
He's been traveling around the world {supposedly} and thought of retiring here on our island. {really? After from the Philippines? Hmm mmm...}... But the weather here is too humid for all his achy bones. {and proceeded to point at all the achy areas.} ... He's ready to go back home to New Orleans. {I swear, when he walked in and spoke with that accent, I thought he was a cowboy!guess I was wrong...}
When he left the office, I laughed because it was great talking with him. In my mind, I swear he must have been a ladies' man in his younger days. Because he still had it, despite his current age! {{chuckling}}
The last time I attended the Medicare presentation, it was general info on it. Like the importance of enrolling at age 65 (?), even if you're still working. Because if you enroll years later, or past your enrolment date, you will be penalized by paying more. Stuff like that. They gave an example. If you're turning age 65 in January, they recommend you enrol in December (when you're still age 64).
Oops. It's past midnight. My hair is still wet. Since i don't own a hair dryer, I'm going to shut down here. Take my paperback book, go into my bedroom and sit in front of the fan to dry out my hair. It'll take about 30 minutes to dry it top and inside. Later!
My brother wanted the charts to try to find where the other leak is coming from. I rarely see him because he rarely visits his home next door. He prefers to live with his daughter's home in another village. He prefers her home than his house next door.
You know the Luminosity website? I was so upset how terrible I was on it, that I quit doing it. Instead of improving, I was getting worse. When I bring this up with the doctor, they tell me that it's Stress from work and caregiving. And that I'm too young to have dementia.
So, I have tried the You-tube but .. I ended up buying the wrong item, wrong size, etc... You know the door handle? I went and bought one at Home Depot. I took off our broken doorknob that can no longer lock. I TRIED to install the new one. I just have a difficult time putting it on. So, I put back the old one.
You know we had this very old printer at work. I would waste one whole ribbon trying to install it into the machine. I ended up with blacken fingers and a non-usable ribbon. So, I had to open a new package. In the years of this job, I only changed it twice - and both times I messed up. I am not very good at repairs, machine, etc.... Give me a paper, pen, crayon, bamboo pen - and I will draw you, or anything you put in front of me.
P.S... the last time our toilet had that leak, I bought the wrong stuff. Brother took one look and said that's not the one. So, I no longer buy the parts. I'm now at his mercy to come over and change it.
If your bill has literally tripled, you can work out how much water is being "lost" per day and that will give you an idea of what kind of plumbing fixture or pipework might be the problem. Hope you track it down successfully!
Paaaammm, now how is your ankle suppose to heal if you're not resting it? I know it' s difficult but.... maybe you can find a different way of moving around without disrupting it's healing? I'm not going to lecture you because I disobeyed my doctor's orders of 6 weeks of complete bedrest for my heart infection by going back to work weeks earlier.
Good News!
How are you holding up? One of the most important roles is to be at home, there when hubs gets home. To know our limitations, do what we can for ourselves to take the burden off, and try to take care of ourself should not be minimized.
So good on ya, Veronica! Hope you are getting on okay.??
{{{Hugs}}}} and cyber flowers for you!