This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Good news bad news - did the doctor offer any suggestions ?
My mom has had many falls and compressed vertebrae - she refused the cement procedure 9 years ago as well as the cortisone injection a year ago
She took Norco when the pain was intense I.e., said she wanted to die and a heading pad provides some relief - hard to get her to take even a Tylenol now
Hope you both can get some rest
Was very difficult seeing her in so much pain. She was screaming and had to adjust her three times to get an acceptable position for an x
You might want to check out the thread started by dmanbro about his mother, www.agingcare.com/discussions/moms-stubbornness-is-confounding-to-me-184838.htm
Sorry if this has already been covered further back .
Did you check and re-check for a UTI-a bladder infection, traveling up to the kidneys would cause that kind of back pain, imo.
I searched on here for: "Cement injected to stabilize fracture".
Is this it?
My mother-in-law has very fragile bones and has shrunk about 8 ...
Apr 3, 2010 ... She got cement put in in May and is in pain again now. If it is fractured ... She does appear to get relief from the cement, longer and quicker than the injections. It lasts until the ... Our mother has stabilized for a while on her pain. I went to her last ... Plus she has not had another fracture since. I think maybe the ...
I'll update later and let you know what I find out. Appointment is in three hours. I'm on pins and needles. *sigh*
I am sorry to hear of her decline. Wishing you the best, and mom too, of course.
The doctor diagnosed her with back muscle spasms due to her weakening condition. She is around 80 pounds now with no muscle mass to support her core or legs. Thus the remaining little muscles are spasming. She blames it on the caregiver two person lift but that is not it. It's her deteriorating condition.
She's too frail and thin now for any narcotics or muscle relaxers according to the Dr. He opted, and she agreed to, Lidocaine injections at the affected spot in her back. He said it was safe as it has no systemic affect on her system. I held her hand while she screamed at three injections. The burning going in from the needle was pretty bad as he warned us.
He prescribed Lidocaine external patches to apply to her back at 12 hour intervals. Mom didn't want them as that would require her to sign up for a med passer person at her AL for around $900 a month. She told me she doesn't want to spend her money THAT way. I said that it was for that purpose, to take care of her. It's going to be what it has to be. I signed her up for visiting physician and nurse practitioner too. It will lessen my stress as it is impossible to get her to a doctor with her stubborn attitude. They were telling me that as her primary doc (she saw once) retired last summer they would have to release her AKA kick her out as state law requires an AL patient sees a primary doc at least once a year.
I understand the need for that as these places don't want to get sued for malpractice. So, one less argument for now. She's telling everyone she can over and over, especially me that she wants to die before Christmas. She wants to be 'home' for Christmas. She told me she hopes that doesn't make me feel guilty. I looked her in the eye and said it doesn't make me feel one tiny, teeny bit guilty. I have nothing to feel guilty about. It makes me sad and gives me anxiety, no more, no less.
My guilt button is totally uninstalled after what I've been through these past 6+ years. It was curious to me as to why she thought I would feel guilty. Once a narcissist, always a narcissist, is my conclusion.
I do love her. She just drives me crazy, but with a doctor in place now I feel much better. Wish me luck tomorrow. The nurses did bring up a hospice evaluation. One step at a time.
I appreciate your replies. ((Hugs)) Yes, it seems we have entered a new realm regarding my mom's slow motion decline. Have no fear, she is too weak and frail and tiny to grab a steering wheel. Three years in a wheelchair with her objecting to any physical therapy has taken its' toll on her body. Plus she barely eats and is only 85 pounds. My poor brother is speechless at her comments regarding his Son in law.
Our son gets home from college on Wednesday. It's disturbing that she told my hubby that she wants to die before Christmas. That would make for a very bad Christmas, indeed. She just can't see how her attitude affects her family. There is no reasoning with her because she is ALWAYS right, always has been in her mind. She is a classic narcissist in every way.
My mom has entered a new and awful stage. She is so mean and depressive comment wise I truly can't stand to be around her. We took her out to lunch today as we do every Sunday despite the air temperature being -25 below zero and driving there on slippery glaze ice roads. We're no spring chickens ourselves and it was not a treat. I would've preferred to stay home and hibernate, believe me!
We took her to lunch at a Mexican restaurant which is key to my story. I received an email on my phone from my brother in Germany. In an attachment was a video made by my niece's husband who happens to be Mexican American. It's a cute fun video about them getting a Christmas tree. I attempted to show my mom while we were waiting for our food to arrive. She told me to turn it of as she hates all Mexicans now and will not even look at that crap. (!!!!!) facepalm!!!!
I obviously couldn't discuss it there with her, but in the car I told her she is free to dislike one person who she blames all her troubles on, but to hate a whole race of people, including your grand daughter's husband is just wrong and nonsensical. She ranted at me that she is 80 and knows better now and I know nothing. I told her she was just wrong and she muttered under her breath about how stupid I am the rest of the ride. I can't stand who this person who used to be my mother has become. She is toxic.
When we were leaving, my husband told her that we will see her next Sunday when we pick her up for Christmas. She said she hopes to be dead by then.
I get to go see her alone on Wednesday. If she pulls this crap, I will walk away. It is affecting my health with back flares on Tuesday dreading being alone with her. It is awful. She is a narcissist on steroids.
As I thought of this, I continued reading the article. Unfortunately, in my mind, the family were very blase about their father leaving at midnight for a 'stroll'. Oh my gosh! They knew he had dementia and were willing for him to 'stroll' on his own? It's night time. What if he 'got lost' or 'disoriented' and cannot find his way back home? They blamed the cop for 'murdering' their father.
I see both at fault - the cops and the family. Most of the posters comments were against the cop and only a very few wondered why the family thought it was okay for their dementia father to wander late at night.
I also remember mom would ONLY listen to my dad. She refused to listen to anyone other than him - because she remembers him, and not us. We were strangers to her. Dad was the only one who could calm her, control her... So, I feel soooo bad that the 73 yr old dementia man got shot because he refused to obey the cops orders to Stop, yet he kept walking towards them. I think the family is denial if they think it's completely 100% cops fault... There is just too many things that could have happened to their elderly father wandering outside that late at night. I mean, there are 2 men in that photo. One of them could have joined the elderly man in his 'midnight stroll'... This is just my take of the situation - basing it on my experience with violent, walking away mom.
I love live performances...except when they are really bad..ugh! speaking of bad...they had an Elvis impersonator at my mom's asst lvg today...oh I ache now just thinking of how bad he was! older man, in a red stretchy jumpsuit with a cape and a black wig that resembled Elvis' hair at some point in his life...NO singing voice! he came with all this audio equipment and I was hoping for the best but it was very poor...hopefully, he does it for free and no one spent money to have him perform...sorry to be so "catty" but I cant sing but would have sounded better and wouldnt have swished my body around like he tried to!