This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I can pray for you for now.
(((Hugs)))
Go girl, you can do it!
I would take a break and not see her this week and I would NOT take her out of the facility this weekend.
You are a grown woman and you do NOT have to accept abuse from anyone.
Let her think about her behavior until next Tuesday and when you go visit if she gets ugly you can tell her that you are leaving and you hope that she thinks about how to treat you better, because you are not going to be her scratching post and you will not be visiting her if she can't be civil. Better late than never when dealing with parents that think they can scratch us up and we should just smile and take it.
Great big warm hug!
So very sorry for your loss.
"My nanny lived in a long term care home for the last bit of her life. Her roommate was always signing &, god bless her soul, she was awful. So, my nanny was sleeping & Rose was singing her tune when all of the sudden my nanny woke up & shouted, "ROSE, BE QUIET. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO DIE?" … She passed 2 days later without saying much more. It made everyone feel better about her death. She was a supremely funny lady."
Do you have anyone with you for support? How were you notified?
Silly of me to ask questions now - take time, let it sink in, feel better. Hugs to you.
I am extremely lucky that she has most of her marbles and I didnt have to go through what a lot of you guys have.
Reddit: Doctors, what is Your "How the Hell are You even Alive Right Now!" Story? …. One poster: It's a toss up between the guy who shot himself in the neck with a crossbow..... OR this old guy with dementia who fell down the stairs, broke his neck & his hip, and was still walking around A&E screaming "WHY DOES IT HURT WHEN I WALK?!"
Honestly her reaction is too good to be true. She called a friend when home & told her all about it. I’m wondering if this is all put on because only weeks ago she’s accusing me & my brother of abandoning her.
I need help with her, fell again last night. With my back & my husband hurting his on the last lift, I called 911 for lifting help. They told her she gets 1 freebie & if falls again, she has to go to the hospital. She didn’t like that!
Just don’t trust mom with her behavior today. I think she’ll probably return to her ole narcisstic self by tomorrow.
It’s quite a bit. I hope I can get it all done. Asking everyone for prayers please. Thanks.
I always had this thought that just before she died she would wake up and see me there and smile. I hated the thought that she woke up and no one was there. I guess I'll never know.
Sorry for your loss. I suppose that is the easiest way to die, simply go to sleep and not wake up. I am terrified of that happening to my mom in our home. I wish that I would not fear it but I do. Especially if I find her and I am alone. I’m not sure that I can handle that.
Ouch! So sorry. Hope you find good help and hope that you will feel better soon.
Physically not so well. Have a hx of degenerative disc disease with previous steroid injections & the radiating pain even at rest & tingling has returned. Saw ortho today, set up with MRI & injections. My helping Mom up, all the bending has come to a halt. I’ll have to get some help with showering as my husband has no desire to help her out of the shower. 😳
Its rough to be a caretaker!!!
It’s a deal, honey! We will skip Bourbon St. though and I will take you to where the locals go. 😊