This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
My husband and bro brought mom over today. While they were picking her up I made some yummy bites. Put together prosciutto, fresh mozzarella and olive bites. Roasted artichokes, mozz and olives for non pork eating brother. Made fresh guacamole and a really good cheese plate. Mom loved it. She ate more than I've seen her eat in ages. Mom kept making weird references that she won't be around long. I believe her.
My hubs and bro forgot to bring her morphine dose with her when they picked her up. Yikes! Sorry guys, but daughters think of these things. Geez! It was noshes and a break for me and they screwed up. She was three hours off. Uffda!
Got her the pain meds right away when we brought her back to her AL. She was wincing in obvious pain. They left and I changed her shirt and socks. As we were leaving she thanked bro for his great care and how much she loves him. Nothing to me. That's why I feel petty. Bro told me not to take it too much to heart. I wanted to punch the SOB. I've been doing this for 6 1/2 years.
Family dynamics are so weird.
It is extremely galling when their little faces light up for the absentee, when your 24/7 support goes apparently unnoticed. The only positive I could find in it was to be happy that mother was happy, even if the reason for it did get right up my nose.
Usually I can talk myself down. I've been down this road before with my dad. It's a dizzy feeling for me, not quite coherent. Gah!
I've been quite ticked off lately about a few things. My agitation weirdly keeps me focused. Maybe it keeps my blood pressure up, though I don't need that. I hate not being on point on everything. I'm hyper organized from changing towels to sheets to vacumming. I'm a cleaning weirdo.
I'm the same way about bills. Pay them and off my mind.
My brother leaves in 5 days. Mom is eating again and seems so much better.
I want to throw up as I write this. She is going to die when he leaves and I will be on my own again. She is showtiming for him even though she doesn't have dementia. I don't know what that is called.
You need to take a nap - you're on overload
I forget where I put the mail sometimes it's so overwhelming with weekly stuff for mom and now I'm trying to get her taxes organized - haven't even thought of mine yet
I had a dr appt yesterday that I didn't even know about so when the auto reminder hit my cell Thursday night I hit cancel
Does your county tax office have an online system ?
I can type in the parcel number or address and pull up the amount due - one year I paid a penny or two off - in a hurry writing out the check -
Eat well and sleep tonight
I almost made double payment on the cable bill. I don't remember paying it. I couldn't find the bill. So I went to the cable company to pay it. The cashier said that there's no outstanding bill. She didn't give me any additional info since the bill is only under dad's name. Confidentiality stuff.
I've been struggling with words. I run blank in mid sentence. I've noticed lately that sis, several of my nieces would either fill in the blank or keep guessing until they or I finished it off... I was supposed to make an appointment with my doctor. And I can't remember why....
Cwillie!!! That was funny.
MommaJamez , when I was in elementary age, Nana would take off her blouse and flop her long sagging breast over her shoulder. We thought it was hilarious and kept laughing at her antics.
My mom's vitals were checked today and they are pretty good. However she lost 5 pounds, now down to 79 pounds and still nauseous and not eating. I honestly don't know how she hangs on.
My husband is with his dad this evening. His dad told my SIL today that he had breakfast with my MIL who passed over 6 years ago. He's also not eating much and staying in bed.
We're kind of freaked out wondering how we'll manage if they both pass on the same day. These are just sad and scary times. :(
I've become really good friends with the woman who runs the cafe. She is an angel and good friend to mom and we've all grown quite close. In fact we've seen her and her husband twice in the past three days. They had my husband and I and my brother over for dinner on Saturday and tonight we met them at a restaurant.
She had tears in her eyes tonight. B has seen a lot of dying people over the years and she wanted to let me know she thinks mom is close to dying. There is a somewhat language barrier (German) , but I understood perfectly what she was saying.
My brother is fluent, and they like him, but B and I are close and she says things to me that she won't to him.
Mom hasn't had anything to eat since Sunday (four bites) and is nauseous now. B got her a bowl to empty her stomach today. Nothing there.
Stupid AL nurses promised they would have a weight on her by yesterday. 84 pounds on 1/3/17. Didn't have it today. Maybe I'm a control freak, but I'd just like to get a handle on how much time we are dealing with here. That is a pretty accurate indicator. My brother leaves in 10 days. I want to make this the best time as we can for our mom.
B told me mom says she wants to be at home with us. She doesn't want to go out to a restaurant or anything. We will make that happen on Sunday if it is even possible.
B told me mom is probably just hanging on until my brother leaves. Gah! I'm conflicted about that thought. I will be the one sitting with mom alone in her last hours. It would be fitting as I'm used to dealing with this stuff by myself. We set up the funeral home stuff together the first week he was here. That was comforting to have my brother here.
Walking on eggshells. Hoping you all have a good night's sleep. I know it won't be easy, but sometimes you have to turn the mind off. The phone not so much! :(
MsMadge, pumpkin pie for $2.99 is a steal. Here on island, local made is $10.60. I don't buy it because when mom used to bake pie from scratch, her pies never had fluid on top. And her crusts were definitely baked golden brown. Nowadays, the pie crusts are pale, thin and obviously under baked (very white). I miss mom's pies. Our favorite was tutti-frutti pie. Relatives and ex-in law have been asking for mom's special recipes. Nope. It's family's.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Thanks for the tip, Miss Madge.
Also pumpkin pie is just $2.99
My dad was a big believer in chiropractics so we went regularly when we were kids. I never liked the neck crack then and I wouldn't let anyone try it now, aside from the potential danger of it I expect I would be too tense and it would hurt!
The big advantage of ereaders is the e ink, I wouldn't want to do a lot of reading on a lit screen, especially since you tend to get headaches. I always download my books to my desktop and then transfer them to my ereader (an old kobo) so I can't offer any solutions for you there.
Ugh, mom is calling and calling again... I hate it when we start the day crazy before I have my coffee.
Talking about paranormal, my nephew brought his stuffed pet monster to help chase the bad spirit bothering his grandpa. But he told me that he saw my doll and that the livingroom's atmosphere feels different, lighter. So, he didn't bring his pet monster in. Whew!!! I'm scared of his pet monster.
He then asked me if anything unusual happens now that I chased the spirit out of the livingroom. I didn't answer him. He looked at me and asked again. I sighed... Yeah, when I walked into the kitchen from the front door, I saw something fly from the right vision downward to the floor and heard a splat. I looked at the floor and saw nothing. I looked behind me where it came from - and saw nothing. Then the next day, at night, I walked into the kitchen from the livingroom. As I reached the fridge, I saw from my left vision something fly past me and downward and heard a splat. I looked at the floor and saw nothing.... He asked me what kind of a splat? Describe it to him. I said that it sounds like when a lizard from the ceiling falls and lands on the floor -splat. He said that it's good it's not the other sound - like a boom. He told me that I've chased it out into the kitchen. I told him that I want another doll for my bedroom to guard it. I'm not happy about only 1 doll guarding it. He said that one is sufficient. I shook my head. I need 2 but I cannot find another doll wearing eye glasses... The ones online doesn't make me desire to have it. Okay... enough of that. I will end up scaring myself.
Windy, headaches are normal for me. Been having it since middle school, every single month. It's just that when I come here and post my aches/pains, it's because I've been dealing with it too long, and just need to vent it.
Menopause? I just joined the age group of 50 and over. I haven't researched meno. I guess I should.
Is anyone here, like a gremlin? Do electronic devices like freeze, stop working, and dies much more frequently than other people? My laptop and my kindles are driving me crazy. New kindle 2016 keeps freezing and shutting down. When I reboot it, I lost the audio book. I have to re-download it. The same with just reading the plain ebook with no audio. It freezes and shuts off to home page. So, I went and got my older kindle of 2013. I spent all afternoon downloading my ebooks to the 2013, and deleting the same ebooks from the 2016. Then, when I tried to download One audiobook in the 2013 - it's like over 3 hours now. Yet, the 2016 kindle downloads so fast.
I really like Amazon ebooks. Any recommendation on Another device that I can buy to replace my kindles? I'm just fed up with kindles. Ipad... I have one but.... it's heavier than the kindle. I'm seriously thinking of getting rid of these kindles and replace it with a reliable ereader with internet access. Must be at least 7 to 8" in height. My current iPad sis got for me is 10". Something light and small and great for reading for hours. I can send money to my brother in the states to buy it, and he can mail it to me.
I have a giant bunion on my right foot that definitely needs surgery. I've been putting it off because I can't take two weeks off from looking after my mom. I loved shoes in my former life, now have to wear boots two sizes too big to get by. It still hurts to walk with every step. I have a corn on top of the bunion and it rubs really bad.
I sympathize with you. I'll take foot pain over a headache any day. Hugs to you book! I hope you feel better dear friend!
anyways, my mother and I have a very close "connection" which now that she has AD is very hard on me...
Yesterday I got in the car after visiting her in N.H. and my phone said "retry saying Call Mom "
I have never used the talk feature on my phone... Needless to say , it made me feel really sad and guilty for leaving her :(
I also think you may benefit from finding a counselor that would work for you. There must be someone that is familiar with elder and caregiver issues.
I can't remember if you've hit menopause, but I got some major hormonal headaches around that time. I've found that getting up and taking extra medication through the night - even though moving is the last thing you feel like doing - can help me sleep more deeply and wake up with the headache manageable or gone altogether by morning.
I don't know where to go anymore for my aches and pains. I've had xrays, scan, MRI, neurologist. I think I've exhausted the physical aspect. Maybe I need therapy to deal with my stress, inability to put myself first instead of my parental obligation... It's this mental anguish that's wearing and tearing me consciously and subconsciously. I don't like therapy....