This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I've been on here almost 7! years, Miss Ladeedah, she was a great person. I hope she's doing okay.
Book, you have always been in my thoughts also and you too Jessie also Jeanne.
What a journey! The absence of my mother is incredible. I know I complained a lot about how she drove me crazy. The silence in my life is both good and bad.
Our little Jack Russell terrier was just diagnosed with heart failure. I'm glad mom isn't around to hear the news. She dearly loved the furry guy. I like to think she's on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge waiting for him. They were best buddies.
We always raced her in her wheelchair down the hall at her AL versus his wiggly butt. He always won.
Too much loss lately. It can be a bit much.
I couldn't cry about mom, but the dog, OMG. Tears are good! What a life!
Life without mom is weird
At the same time, his memory loss is becoming more of a problem, and he's looping and exaggerating in his endless repetition of stories. It's bad enough to hear the stories for the thousandth time; sometimes they are word for word the same (Have I told you how I met my wife?) and other times every single thing gets exaggerated to make him more important and valued (I was head usher, not just usher). It makes me crazy. I don't want people thinking less of him because of his behavior and verbal changes - and in this place, with so many seniors, they've seen it before - but I'm finding that my patience is wearing very, very thin. I have years of this ahead of me and it worries and scares me.
And I really, really miss my cat.
Everything around me reminds me that our time on earth is limited. My mother's friend enjoyed her life completely until her health became so bad. She died young (77) by today's standards. She probably could have lived a lot longer if she'd cared for herself better. She was diabetic. But maybe she had the right idea that it is more important to enjoy life. Her husband may disagree, since he's left alone.
I am a bit resentful though because I want to not eat meat and he cannot eat beans. Also..... I was unable to leave him before this, now I really feel I cannot...... in 3 years it will be dialysis and he is already having trouble seeing..... the future is dim :-/
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I am once again a caregiver of sorts- my bf has kidney failure and uncontrolled diabetes. He helped me all these years and let his health go.
I dont know what to feel about this......
I have to remember all of the times I wanted to just leave the house and not come back, and her being ungrateful and combative to remind me this is the right thing to do.
I figured sis was having a mental problem, like schizophrenia. I try to rationalize her actions. So when she's in her bedroom, yelling angrily, I wonder if one night, she will stab me to death. (Mom's dementia included violence.) To know that sis is still outside smoking and hearing movements in her open bedroom door just.. OMG! I cannot rationalize it away. So for now, my head is buried under the sand. ..
I'm currently stressing out because fave niece and her 3 kids will be leaving in 12 days. I want to see them off at the airport. It will be my last time to see them. Their flight leaves at 6:00am. I'm trying to figure out how I can leave the house around 4:00am. I know I need to go- to cry it out and not hold it in... Sorry... I've basically shut down the closer to their departure. I've been very impatient with dad. I can't concentrate on paying the bills. I've basically shut down.
He suddenly looked at me and said that my doll moved. Huh? He said it was looking at him. Then when grandpa starting calling out the girl, my doll is now looking at Grandpa on the doll's left. Nephew jumped up and was obviously freaked out. He started inching toward the door while staring at the doll. (He has a stuffed monster that moves around his house.)
I was confused because He was the one who told me to bring out my doll to protect dad from the 'cruel ' spirits who wants to hurt dad. As I watched him inching away, I told him that this is not the scarier doll. That one is in my bedroom. .. I don't want to lose my Saturday sitter. So I asked him if he wanted me to put the doll back in my bedroom. He said no. Leave it.
A few nights ago, I heard sis go outside to smoke in the middle of the night. As I drifted back to sleep, I heard noises from her room. Hmmm. Did I fall asleep and she's back in her room? I looked at the security camera and saw sis sitting on the porch smoking. Ugh! She has a very active spirit in her bedroom.. I wonder if this is the one she keeps getting mad. I hear her through the door talking angrily. Sigh.. between her and dad.....
I tried calling both, BOTH adult nephews who have no job and I couldn't reach them. I called their mom. She went home to pick some tools and came to the DMV. She was able to unscrew that last one.... anyway, I was telling my nephew that I'm leaving the new screwdriver in the trunk. I need to buy the other screw driver tool. He asked which one's that. I said the one that looks like this.- and proceeded to show him my 2 fingers moving up and down...He was puzzled... In exasperation, I said, "It looks like a capital F but it can go small or big."... Nephew, "oh, an adjustable wrench!" ...well, yeah!... I still need buy one of those...
Windy, it is plenty for you to process. Find a grief support group when you are ready. They are very helpful. Hospice organizations have them too. Reach out for support here too. Many here have been through it.
Hope you all had an okay or better Easter!
Mine was weird but good. No ham for the first time in 56 years, but yummy Szechuan food in the city with our son. Can't wrap my head around the fact my mom is gone. It's only been five days though. Still dealing with all the practical aspects, move out of AL was Friday. So many things squirreled away.
I feel like I'm moving underwater. Grief manifesting physically I'm sure.
My cousin called awhile ago and my mom's last remaining sibling died today. That makes it a trifecta. FIL, mom and uncle in three weeks. Why do they all have to go at once? This stinks. All of my cousins and I are orphans now as well as my in-laws.
Hard to know who to grieve.
We will go out, MsMadge, soon as I can walk without this much pain.
My very own rose bush does have one bloom, and there are plenty of birds singing all day. Interesting tweets, maybe from a new species just passing thru. Yes, no laundry, no bill paying. You are right.
That friend has really been there for you!
Hapy Easter, MsMadge.
Treat youself to dinner at Mimi's Cafe or Marie calendars
I'm blessed that a good friend went and had lunch with mom at the hoca so I'm making deviled eggs for her now and hope to be able to take her out for dinner tonight
Nothing is like it used to be but I opened the window and the birds are singing and the roses are in bloom so I'm choosing not to worry, wash clothes or pay bills today
Now where's the chocolate ?
It was hard with my Mom but so much easier in a lot of ways cause she valued her independence so, so much and never wanted to be a burden. Hub's parents are the total opposite. I think they feel they have it coming to them. And while I agree that parents should expect that their kids will help to a certain extent, not the way it's going so far with Hubs parents and I expect will get worse and worse the older they get.
I foresee a rocky road ahead. I consider myself a kind, Christian woman but do not want to get caught in the middle of this. These are the kind of people that if you give them an inch they'll take a mile. I learned that with them a long, long time ago. Thus, my wanting to stay as far away from this as possible.
It does seem new, but it's not. Plans were made which included their son by default. And sad to say, he is participating in their plan. Rough road ahead.
Moving in to that big house-you know better, but he does not. You are a good person-save yourself.
The ages are one year exactly older than my aunt & uncle's desperate and rapid decline. You are right to be concerned and realistic. Hugs!
Now that taxes are filed, it seems there were no "fun" plans made, and everything seems to be the same. I am getting so very tired of everything falling to me. My sis took her grandkids to a park with a merry go round, and an Easter-egg hunt, one found the golden egg!
Hubs will go to church services in the a.m., but there are no sunrise services, and he will come home for his usual nap, 2-6 p.m.
There is no getting together with friends and family for traditional holiday
events. A friend is in hospital recovering from major back surgery, and prayers are needed.
And I was really stressed out over the tax form requirements.
FTB form had 5 pages with what seemed a foreign language. Even if there was nothing owed, we're talking about a refund of $3.51, and I have forgotten how to turn that into whole numbers. Now, I am keenly aware of why Jessebelle posted: "I think the government has dementia", filling out those forms!
These are minor when looking at what you have to deal with, alone with your Mom. I understand.
However, I would venture to say even I have forgotten just how unpleasant, just how much work those family events actually were. So, for this holiday, I am choosing boring.
I prefer to imagine those who can, will be lacing up their tennis shoes for a run, a walk, or walking a dog. Wish I was there....