This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
When it was time to change his pamper, I discovered he had a high fever and he wouldn't wake up. So I started wiping him down but the fever kept coming up. Around midnight, he started having jerky breathing. I was worried that the fever was affecting his breathing. So I aggressively kept cooling him off. But the hiccupy breathing really worried me. I called SIL around 12:30am to come and see if I should call 911.
So sorry to visit and run off. It's not anything you have done, it's me.
It has been too hard to follow all the threads anymore, but I do think of you and come looking for you if I don't see you anywhere. Guess that I have missed a few posts addressed to me after I have left. I want to apologize to you and others.
Hoping you have had some success with gerd. I was reading online 'reflux m.d.'
Some articles have been enlightening, and helped me personally. I sure wish I could afford that special pillow they are promoting. Their scale to rate the seiousness of gerd symptoms was helpful. That is why I need the Manuka Honey.
P.M. me and then I will know if you need me to answer.
Be well!
Love fom,
Send.
I've decided to eat chicken soup for lunch this past week. It seemed to help with my acid reflux. Except Friday, My stomach bloated. I was miserable at work all afternoon. When I went to the restroom, I was shocked at how extended my stomach was. So, today, I bought Tums and Zantac. I will use one at a time for a week to see if my body accepts it.
I'm delaying changing dad's pamper by coming here. Alas, it's 11pm, way past his bedtime. {{{groaning as I get up, trudging resentfully to do it.}}}
My boss is showing signs of forgetfulness. He used to have a very sharp memory. I try not to add this worry onto my shoulders. In all the years working with them, we have never mixed business with pleasure. Maybe it's just old age and it's finally showing. I hope so. .. his father had Alzheimer...
I came home this afternoon. I didn't smell anything cuz my nose was back to not working. When it was time to change his pamper, I saw poop on the lifter sheet. I walked around inspecting him. Yep, poop also on his slacks. Really? My nephew and his wife will not change the pamper??? It was quite dried up. Sigh...
When he pees, the pee no longer goes into the catheter bag. It spurts out as if he's not attached to the catheter. So changing his pamper must be done quickly because he cannot control the flow of urine.
I'm beginning to hate my name. He just calls it over and over and over. I swear it's like every 30 seconds. 10pm. Time to change his pamper...
I guess I will need to have another consultation before the colonoscopy. But... I feel such a hypochondriac... to be such a ninny about these meds.... Thanks Send.
Be sure to tell your doctor when they ask about allergies to meds. Just because you didn't get a rash or go into anaphylactic shock doesn't mean you can tolerate those meds. Find out what meds and put them on your list.
And just for you Book, please don't worry, there is hope.
There is even a scan (non surgical/non-invasive) that can be done for your g.i. tract.
I do understand your fears and anxiety about the procedure in your case. And ask your doctor, always.
Then use your better judgment.
Your Manuka Honey may have curative properties because of the bees that feed on the Melaleuca plants. This is not something you are buying to put on the breakfast table to share with family as a spread for toast (although it is very tasty). Think of it as a medicine, research the dosage, maybe one teaspoon - one tablespoon daily, so it should last a month + ??
Don't quote me on this but the science is that Melaleuca has antiseptic and antibiotic properties, as well as others.
Research on your own and don't give it to diabetics, I am sure. I am not touting it as a cure-all, but the gerd I have was out of control, and 40 days later I have been able to discontinue prilosec, carafate, prevacid complete. Now, I take two tums for the calcium carbonate recommended by my doctor which cuts the burning from gerd. It was roiling up into my throat!
Of course it is part of a complete plan to get healthy, so eating less (1/2) is important too. If I eat ice cream, I must take a lactaid tablet-this also seems to help the gerd, but ask your doctor. I will be discontinuing the ice cream when I become a perfect person, Lol.
This is just what I am doing Bookluvr, be careful, read up on it, everything in moderation. Shop carefully on Amazon, for a good quality Manuka honey. I don't know why, but it took several weeks to find mine, entering several categories of searches.
In the meantime, I started with a 10+ from a local store.
Anyway, at the moment, the colonoscopy is on the back burner. My Acid reflux/GERD is on a rampage. I've been googling these past few days on how to prevent it, control it, what to eat and not eat. I'm now reading online of others experiences with this and what helps them... I need to order online a Manuka honey level 16 (healing level) to help coat my stomach and esophagus before bedtime. So far I found a level 12. Expensive honey.
He gave me the three stick test last visit but I'll be darned if I'm going to take it to the office with me 💩😝
The presence of blood in the stool can mean just about anything, but if a polyp is benign, if is not bleeding yet. imo.
It is just a screening test, not accurate unless three samples over time are tested. Don't eat any red meat-it may test positive.
Thanks Cwillie!
He then asked that dreaded question....How old am I. (Based from past experience, it's a Prelude to the colonoscopy subject.) He immediately said that I look good for my age....Then, he asked if I had a colonoscopy. All smiles left my face. I shook my head. I suspect I must have totally shut down, because he gently kept telling me that it doesn't hurt. Over and over. And I just sat there and looked at him solemnly. It would be like doing 2 things for the price of one - colonoscopy and endoscopy...
He told me that when he has to do something, he goes at it gung-ho. I said that I have to be dragged kicking and screaming before I'm Forced to do it.... He said to just do it and get it over with..... I finally agreed... He told me that if my insurance reject the colonoscopy, he will pay for it...
I was so depress, I couldn't even eat lunch. I went back to work and I was so downcast. I even got a major headache after the appt. I'm still feeling strange. I think I'm truly terrified of this. I keep telling myself that I had 2 major stomach surgeries. Colonoscopy is nothing compared to that... so maybe tomorrow, I will go online and read up on it... I truly, truly hope this really bad aversion to the colonoscopy is not one of those gut feelings. I really, really hope not. Just like my 2 different stomach surgeries, I researched extensively before it so I knew what I was facing. I need to do the same. Maybe knowledge will overcome my gut instinct. I feel so funny. It's weird. Sigh... doc said that I will need someone to do dad's pamper for that day.
"One option is the fecal immunochemical tests, or FIT, which are approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). It’s used as the first line colorectal cancer screening test in most of the world, including Canada, Israel, the Netherlands, Italy, France, Taiwan, China, South Korea, Scotland, and soon, England. It’s recommended as the screening test of choice by the European Union Guidelines."
So every 2 years we get the "poop on a stick" package from the doc and colonoscopies are only recommended for those with a family history or if the FIT test is suspicious. Ask your health care providers about that using option.
When I was age 49, the doc reminded that next year, I will get a colonoscopy. I said no. She said, "we will see." So, the following year, I became age 50 and terrified about the colonoscopy, I skipped my annual check up. Unfortunately, I still had to go in for my headaches and GERD. Every time I came in, she brought up the colonoscopy. I refused.
Another year goes by. To avoid the colonoscopy, again, I didn't do my yearly checkup. I wonder how bad my cholesterol has gone up since 2yrs ago. Anyway I had to go in because my reflux is getting worse. My bottom teeth are visibly looking damaged, throat is painful when I talk too long or cough or sneeze. Food seems to get stuck midway down... I tried to change doctor but I was told I must stick to my regular doctor informed to me by the receptionist and the other doctor... I was soooo relieved doc was on maternity leave and I was being seen by the RN. When She also brought up colonoscopy, tears immediately formed in my eyes as I stared at her. I was blinking so hard trying not to let the tears flow. She was staring at me as I just sat there staring back at her with tears. She immediately said it's okay and changed the subject... She got me a referral for an endoscopy for my reflux. That was last month.
For a while, ordering boxes of gloves were cheaper than buying it here. I would buy several boxes in eBay and asked the seller real nicely if she can take it out of the boxes and stuff it all in the large flat rate box. Then the USPS flat rate 📦 shrank in size. I used to keep a supply of it. One day, a woman in front of me had the newer box. I asked her if that was the medium box. She showed me the size - large! When I went home, I checked my supplies. Yep, my large size boxes were definitely larger than the current versions. So, now it's not economical for me to order much stuff from off-island if shipping cost is $19.00. I wish we have other big stores on island like CVS and Walmart.
Hang in there
I always thought depends ran small - CVS drug store unisex brand was a better fit and price until it was discontinued in favor of lavender briefs for women
Walgreens still makes a white unisex brief - maybe you can order online
Well, they changed it again. They've put back the original outside plastic lining (not the clothy-type) and it's smaller! I looked at the packaging. It still says "large" but I swear, this should no longer be called a large size. It's actually more of a "medium" size! So, more tugging and pulling. At least I haven't torn a pamper yet! ... He's sooooo frustrated today. The minute I came home from work, he wants me, ordered me to call the technician. Why??? He said that he cannot reach inside now. =)
Both nieces chipped in together and got me a Ross gift card for Mother's Day. sniffle..sniffle...
I gave her a card that Sunday. It was a Hallmark card for the niece. I wrote some words in it - saying that I cannot say these words to her verbally aloud. So, I will write it to her (that was just as difficult to do). I've enclosed some going-away cash. (Just like when I went to Hawaii for my surgery, my male first cousin and his mother gave me cash.) She told me via Messenger that she cried when she read my card. It was a pretty card, too. Almost 3-D with paper flowers sticking out of the card... She called me one time via the Messenger - a video opened up of her on my iPad, and on the top right corner, was my yucky face (ugh! That double chin have to go! Or maybe next time set up the iPad to be a little higher so it doesn't prominently show that double chin!)
Today, she messaged me that her 3 year old daughter said, "I love auntie K." Niece showed 4 of those icon faces with tears streaming down. I would show it here but my laptop doesn't have the emoji button on the keyboard... I haven't responded back. I just don't want to cry....
One more thing... fave sis told me that her hubby is planning to look for a job in the mainland. If he finds one, they will be moving to the states... My family support system is crumbling.... moving away... far, far away.
Micalost, bummer about the bf. Just when you thought you finally found 'freedom' from caregiving, you now have a new one. First my mom. Then my dad. My oldest bro pissed me off because he told me that if he ever needs caregiving, that I will be there for him. He has a wife and 3 kids that lived next to us all these past 20 years I helped dad with mom. THEY weren't much of a help. When mom died, bro had the nerve to tell me at her nightly church mass - with a laugh that he was suppose to be the one to take care of mom. Ha. Ha. Ha. Soooo not funny. I won't feel any obligation to take care of him. He wasn't here for over 20 years - to say, "sis, why don't you fly off-island for vacation? Me and the family will help dad with mom... or with dad..." Deep breathe.. Still feeling bitter - as you can see.
JessieBelle, sorry to hear about your mom's best friend. I think I understand what you mean about your mom not really seeming to grieve. The same when mom died. It's as if the stroke/senility have wiped away the concept of understanding and feeling mom's death. He mainly calls for his mother. He sees his sister's picture and thinks it's his mom... The year mom died: Dad's sister died in January. Mom passed away in March. And dad's 'twin' brother died in June...My family's superstition that when one dies, it's followed by 2 more. I bet everyone breathed a sigh of relief when Uncle died. He made #3. No more deaths.... But back to mom's passing away. My dad only showed signs of grief at the Viewing. He saw mom in the casket and he started crying. That was the only time he ever showed grief for mom.
What a freakin' roller coaster! FIL dying, then mom, then uncle and now my beloved Jack Russell. The vet didn't think he would make it through the long weekend.
God had other plans. The little dude rallied this weekend. Hopefully we will have him a little while longer.
Too much loss at once. My thoughts and prayers are with you all struggling with a loved one still with you. It is a very hard road and I understand.
Losing them is awful, but the burden is lifted. It's a no win trade off. I would do it all over again to have my mom back in my life. Hugs to all!