This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
At consultation before surgery, they gave me a paper with the total cost for each procedure and my 20% copayment. They said that they will first process it through my insurance. Then, they will bill me the balance. Okay, I will wait and try not to look at my online balance.
If you want to find out exactly what will be due without alerting billing, call youd insurance company.
I think doctors and lawyers think it is okay to bill a year later. They do think that, and do bill later, so you are very wise to save that money. But try not to worry or think too much about it.
I still haven't received my 20% copayment billing for my endoscopy and colonoscopy in August. I have the $1,000.00 set aside for it. I keep eyeing it. I really don't want to touch that money and then the bill comes in. Anyway, whatever is leftover after the bill comes in, will be going to my emergency fund.
So, I decided to turn to the land spirit and gave them permission to hurt any outsiders snooping or taking things without permission. I said that it can make them so sick that no white man's medicine can cure them. The only solution was for these intruders to ask it (the spirit) for forgiveness. ... After nephew's lecture, I no longer ask the spirits to hurt people. Or scare them.
You could just go to the door and tell them you are no longer interested in associating with them and please remove you from their list of worshipers. Please do not come to my house again. Since my father's death i am now head of the household and if you come on my property again I will have to call the police and obtain a restraining order against you and you collegues.
If you can't do this face to face just write them a letter resigning from their church.
If all else fails ask your favorite spirit to break a couple of legs next time they turn up.
I haven't had family do that kind of thing, but, I have had friends do something similar. I'm no longer friends with them.
I'm not big on organized religion, but, I do consider myself spiritual and I recently started attending a church of my choice that I enjoy attending. This place has good people, low key, no bullying or insanity. That's important in a church, imo. ( I grew up in one that was evil. I'm not kidding.)
I hope you can find some peace. I'm curious as to how it turns out. (Why won't they leave you alone)
Good call cmag!
As for my former religion. It's a mess. I didn't realize how political religion can be within! There's the traditional vs the neo. And well... there's a huge scandal right now of priests raping the altar boys several decades ago. It all started when a cousin found out that his cousin was raped by @#!*... and so he went to the news and outed the @#!* Nobody believed him and verbally attacked him. Raped cousin former altar boy refused to say anything.. After that, the floodgates opened. Other men started stepping forward saying that he was raped, too.... Nope, not going there! =)
It's fine, Cwillie. Today's event just pushed me to make a decision. And I did.
The next time they show up, don't let them inside of the house. If they refuse to leave tell them you are going to call the police.
What does the rest of your family think of these people and your former religion? Could any of them help?
I am not going back. I just have to remind myself that I promised to try to be strong and courageous this year. Remind myself about no more obligations... I'm done venting.... Until next weekend or the next .. when they drop by unannounced...
When I was leaving in the parking lot yesterday, the young lady was helping her dad get into their vehicle. He seemed to be far away mentally. I think his issue may have been more mental. I really hope she saw what happened and takes measures to limit him driving in a store. It's just not safe, imo.
Those carts are a nightmare to drive. Try one sometime. Sometimes you can't get through the displays. people push their carts out in front of you. the cars thems self run out of battery life , they may simply stop on their own. People browse the shelves leaving their carts in the middle of the aisle, two neighbors stop their carts to catch up on gossip. Other cart users, usually 600lb older men stare you down and expect you to give way. Now when yu get to the checkout the checkers are usually extremely helpful. They may unload the basket then reload it and offer carry out. and load the car. They really are a mixed blessing but for now i cant walk that far.
WATCH out in the grocery store. Today, I was shopping and a young lady was there with her grandfather, I suppose. He was operating a scooter by himself, but, she walked beside him. I heard a noise and looked up, jumped out of the way and barely missed getting hit by this man. OMG. People really need to be careful. He could seriously hurt someone if he hits them on that electronic scooter. I really can't afford to be out of commission with a broken leg.
I had to jump out of my bed and turn on the light. From past experience, if I go back to sleep, my nightmare will continue where I left off. I walked a while to pass the time. In the meantime, I knew that I only get nightmares from reading scary books or movies. My tv isn't working. So, something I read triggered a nightmare. I'm reading a fantasy book short stories by Tanya Huff. Her books are Not Scary! Unlike VC Andrews, Stephen King, etc.... And then I remembered one short story. The Underhill queen elf made several comments about wanting to eat that rude male human. Instead, she kicked him out of Underhill. Yikes! Just from her thinking about eating him caused me to have a nightmare?! Sigh....
The when Dad had to move into Memory Care, same complex, the cost was around $7k per month with everything included.
When my Mom needed to live in long-term-care, it was $12k per month as she needed a higher level of care.
It can become expensive as one ages. My folks were in their 90's.
Add spouse for another $1250 per month.
Now add laundry service, med administration including insulin injections, and very high level of assist for wrangling Dad with moderate dementia (wants to exit building 10 times a day to find his car) and total mobility assist for mom who can barely stand up for 5 seconds without falling.
And we use in house doc service, adult diapers /wipes service (it’s about as cheap as I can buy them). We’re at $7000 per month. And this will go up dramatically when Dad is moved into the memory care unit which could be in one year or one month from now.
Keep in mind this is for two people and I’m 600 miles away and totally rely on these folks for everything.
I just went through this with both parents, got them into care last month after years of begging, arguing etc. You will never convince your mother she needs 24/7 care. You just have to do it at the first opportunity that arises. I was about ready to turn my folks over to the county until the perfect storm of calamity hit and allowed me to take action.
BTW, our cost for both parents in a nice AL with almost all assist/menu items is about $100 K per year. I know this can vary widely but look around.
And c mag is correct, if she doesn’t have funds you’d best be applying for Medicaid.