This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Get her in for testing right away and talk to the doctor about how to address her increased needs.
On
We love you 😘
Your self sufficiency has always amazed me but I
Hope your DD is available to help you
Hope you can get a good night's rest
Oh, Another one of the ever popular 'would you like to' guilt trip kind of questions. In place of 'can you do this/that'. She doesn't like hearing the word 'no' from me. Like I am supposed to be at her beg-and-call.
I really don't know how answer that. This morning hubs was demanding I pick him up. he was leaving.
Next he was not going to the new rehab.
After that he had decided to stay where he was and not move as he was already half way through his stay (Ha he thinks) he'd better get working to come home in a week.
Now he has decided he will move to the new facility but he thinks he will have to drive his car there because i may have to go into the hospital.
Now here is what I did today. Had an appt with a cardiologist but when I arrived the appt had disappeared!!!!!!! Told registration that I had to be seen as I had problems.
I was handed a red card and someone would come and speak to me. A nurse came out and said all they could do in the clinic was an EKG and suggested the ER. After further discussion she said she would see what she could do. I eventually saw a FNP who was better than most Drs and spent about 1 1/2 hours with me. She is afraid I am retaining fluid and in heart failure so ordered blood tests and called me this PM and said I was hiding fluid somewhere probably in my lungs as I get so breathless doing very little. I have to go back on Friday and she would really like me to be managed as an inpatient which in the current circumstances would be a great relief with the circus I am living in right now.
The FNP called and told me I was holding a lot of fluid but she did not know where and increased my Lasix to 80mg twice daily. Took the second dose an hour ago and so far no result.
So thats how hubs and I are doing.
How are you and hubs doing ?
She has not been diagnosed with Dementia. I have tried to get my father n' step-mother to intervene. Even though they told me to tell them when I have a concern about my mother's health. They just blow it off.
So many in the congregation are dealing with the same things. One is in Nursing Home, one is traveling between here and their parents, another wife is dealing with a husband who is getting combative. The one who always did errands for me has broken her pelvic and are older than mom! I really am blessed. Just miss the physical hugs etc. I am so far out while winter was heavy so was the ice on the ramp. It was constructed too steep.
Mom and I do listen to "In Search of the Lords Way" cds. Ah it will all work to His Glory.
To lead up to this request, tell your priest/pastor that due to you following God's command to take care of your elderly parent, that it has taken all of you physically to do it. Now, you're spirituality is suffering because you can't attend Sunday services regularly like before. Tell him that you miss hearing his sermons, miss hearing about God and your fellow worshipers.... I think all good, caring religious leaders will appreciate that you enjoyed/listened to their sermon and that you are aware of your spiritual need and hunger. If he truly cares for every single parishioner in his congregation/parish, your priest/pastor will find a way to feed your spiritual need.
Sigh... Sometimes, I felt so guilty because when I felt my spiritual hunger flare up, I would turn on the radio and flip through all those religious channels until I found a SOOTHING religious sermon. I didn't want to hear fear/damnation or what God requires of me. I wanted a sermon to soothe my soul because caregiving and life stresses were drowning me. Trust me, as you channel surf, your spiritual hunger will definitely let you know which channel it wants to hear. When you do find it, remember the time and the radio/tv station.
is there any possibility of you moving out into some kind of group home where you will only be responsible for yourself.
Do you have a social worker you can talk to?
I don't think Mom is not listening I believe she simply does not understand what you are telling her and in her confusion she does things wrong. I don't know if she has a dementia diagnosis but if she does this is a progression of the disease. Can you talk to her Dr? or send a letter to him/her?
We can only make suggestions based on what you tell us and although people sympathize you have to get real people to intervene
I need a new toner cartridge for my multifunction printer. She said I should use one of the cartridge's she buys in bulk for her printer. I knew they wouldn't work. But when I actually, physically try to get one of those toner cartridges'. She asks me why I am doing that. I tell her because she told me to do that. So she goes in my bedroom and starts messing with my printer. That is when she finds out what I already told her. That I need a different toner cartridge.
Another example of her not listening.
I feel isolated most of the time. I used to help 4 days a week at a food commodity distribution center sorting veggies and fruits by family size to be packed and given as they came in. Always went to Church services, taught on Wednesday night, visited elderly and attended game fellowship nights etc. Now it is hard to get respite to do things like going to dump, getting chicken feed & litter, fish food, cat supplies, Dr for myself or my meds. Mom doesn't talk to me much. One or two from Church call occasionally. Her brothers in Alabama call once in a while just to ask a quick hows it going. I'm just needing hugs... physical contact I guess. Hospice comes in but are only around a few minutes. Care other than a nurse coming more often is less than I was getting with the Council on Aging as far as her personal care. Since they took over mom does not get into the shower on the chair like before. Her strength is waning so much faster. I know getting better is not their focus. And if I believed that is all she is capable of I would not feel like we are just sitting and waiting for her die. Can't let her see me cry or be angry. I want to scream. I don't think she is ready.
I just can't seem to get her off my mind. I've done some assessment scoring and though, I know those things aren't always accurate.....I wonder if she has even 3 months left.