This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Our gov't caregivers are also closing. They were the ones who came to our house 4 times a week for one hour to bathe my bedridden father... Can you believe, the whole time my mom had dementia, and still walking - it was this govt caregiver showered mom for 2 decades. When mom was bedridden for over 13 years, I only Once ever sponge bathed her. When dad was bedridden for the 5 years, they showered him. I never had to do it.... And they're closing down!!! I need to buy a Thank You card and maybe some chocolate Macadamia nut candies and stop by their office.
My gut instinct told me not to go to this specific lab because the nurse is like new and draw blood painfully. But it was enroute to my drive to work. When I got there, she was doing an elderly woman. After 10 minutes, I whispered to the elderly man how long was she doing that woman. He said a long time. Woman done. Next was this big chunky man. I'm making conversations to pass the time. After 8 minutes, I whispered to the elderly man that the nurse is taking awfully long Per Patient! I had bloodworks done at my clinic on Tuesday and it was quick - not even 3 minutes. My eyes were wide because I'm scared of needles. This doesn't look good at all.
The man whispered back to me: "She couldn't find blood on his left arm. So, now she's trying his right arm.... and she must be fishing for the vein." That man then imitated my earlier actions of fishing for the vein.... I huffed at him, and then lightly whacked his arm. He was chuckling. Anyway, that nurse was scaring me. I got up, walked to the sign-in sheet and scratched off my name out. I told the elderly man that I'm going to try again the next morning at another location.... I did. And the nurse was a quick expert.
Pam, enjoy your trip! Wow, to stay at famous author's BNB!
Warning graphic bodily function: Well, the education continues. Poor Mom has drank and eaten little in the past several days since all she does is sleep. Last bowel movement was Friday (she's normally like clockwork daily). So, six days later, today, she needed to go. Yay! So on the commode by her in-home hospital bed. In agony she strained, sweated, panted, cried out, quaked from shaking so hard, desperate to lay down while I held her and comforted her. Called hospice what to do to give her some relief. The nurse recommended an enema. (Oh, yay. I've heard of such a thing.) My niece was with me and she's worked in a nursing home. I raced to the store and raced back.
What a lesson in how to give one, which didn't work. She was in agony. Called Sister 2 who's now a funeral home director and has worked in a nursing home long time ago and very smart. She has a way with Mom that relaxes her. Ended up giving Mom another enema. An hour and half later from the start she had her movement. No wonder she was in such pain. I'm exhausted. Mom had soaked through a fresh housecoat. Actually, she's doing better than me! A relief for her and for me. The things we get to learn on this caregiving journey.
Others have done the same thing, thrown out biohazardous uderwear, sheets, etc.
When you replace them with new, it is at his expense, not yours.
Do you even have to tell him?
You are going to be okay, keep posting, there is no shame in sharing with your friends on here.
You have been heard, and your tears are understandable. ~~~huggies~~~!!!!
Hospice is coming soon to bring liquid Ativan and morphine to help her not jerk and for any pain she may have, and re-set the catheter that wasn't in her bladder. Sister 1 and I have worked to re-set up the living room for better activity around Mom and I got my first lesson is rolling over a 190-pound woman to strip her bedding and clothes and clean her. We're all in a vigil.
I spoke to the social worker today who claimed to not know what happened - the more the situation sits with me the angrier I get about hoca's response which as usual is underwhelming
I feel quite badly and a couple of weeks ago I raised up a concern about this resident to a nurse who was not on staff last night -
I plan to speak to the social worker about the incident as his behavior was escalating during the afternoon and dinner
This is mom's best caregiver with years of experience and she was taking it quite well - even said better her than a visitor - I'm so grateful she did not fall and hit her head
I was still at work when I got the call and left immediately - she was sitting with an ice pack on her cheek with mom when I got there
She is with mom now and I will bring them lunch a bit and see how she is doing
She needs to get a copy of an incident report.
Is there such a thing as combat pay for caregiver's?
Was she able to complete her shift?
Are you calm about it?
~~~HUGS~~~
there isn't a magic wand for dealing with dementia even in a memory care facility
There is medication
I received a text from my caregiving agency saying mom was ok but they needed to speak with me
Seems as mom's caregiver was entering hoca tonight a resident was being aggressive and trying to escape
The resident landed a punch to her face and as he was winding up for a second slipped and fell and hit his head
While she is not seriously hurt this could have turned out much worse
The resident has been agitated for awhile and I have to wonder if tonight's incident could have been prevented with meds
While staff had cleared other residents from the area they weren't trying to keep him away from the door which he was kicking
My dad refused to give her meds. My dad had to go to an appointment. It was in the afternoon. My younger sisters and I were 'babysitting' mom in the locked house. Mom wanted Out. She kept banging the doors. Finally, in frustration, with evil in her eyes (well, it sure looked evil to me), she came after us. We thought we were smart and pushed the long sofa away from the wall. So, when mom came charging after us with great anger and hatred, as if she wanted to pound us to death, we screamed and ran behind the sofa. Mom just reached down and flipped the whole sofa as if it was nothing! Terrified, we ran screaming to our shared bedroom with mom chasing after us. We got into the room in time to slam and lock the door. In time. Mom was banging the door so hard, it shook. We were so terrified that she would break the door down, we, three skinny girls (all weighing under 105 lbs) were screaming our heads off and leaning against the door.
Ahem... I later found out that the neighbor, an automotive mechanic shop.. their workers heard the whole commotion and found it so funny. Years later, someone told me that her boyfriend told her about this incident and how they all laughed... It. Wasn't. Funny... I'm permanently traumatized from this experience. I'm actually terrified of old women. Who knows? They might suddenly become violent and attack me. {{{chuckling... I have fond memories of mom chasing my very pregnant younger sister around her car, in her high heels because she just came home from her work the bank, screaming as mom chased her... Unfortunately, I was too afraid of mom to intervene... I don't think sis ever forgave me for that time....}}}
Her doctor advised us to only use this med as needed. My wife hates to see her mom drugged so she uses it sparingly. That being said she realizes we are in a new phase and it needs to be addressed. We are waiting for one of her brothers to return from a work assignment in the Caribbean. We are expecting him back at the end of next week. I will advise my wife of all your thoughts and that she needs to sit down with the doctor to discuss the current med and what else is available. On my end I am headed over to my mom’s to take her for an eye appointment. She stayed with us two nights ago when we had a storm. The morning after it was the usual,take me home. I plan to sit with her after and come up with a plan for her care. My sister offers zero help which is a long story. It is the time of year where I get very busy at work and have no time off for six months. I don’t want my mom alone ,but she fights me every time we have the discussion about getting more help for her. So we have in essence kicked the can down the road for the last few months. I have one aid with her four days who she loves. Actually for half days as she will not allow anyone overnight,but I feel she needs the overnight. Any insight would be appreciated.
Are you thinking that perhaps the consistency of a caregiving facility might be what she needs at the point?
Her primary is a geriatric physician. They have tried several meds to see what works. We have one that we give a half tab as needed, but ny wife is reluctant to use it because it makes her so relaxed she loses control. She is incontinent and this med makes it worse. They have used Benadryl and one other.