This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
If you want to, please fill out your profile so we have a better understanding of what your needs are.. We will help if we can...just click "profile" under your user name and picture and it will tell you what to do... Keep posting until we can figure out how to help you... You have your hands full and my heart hurts for you. Most of us hate the system, as it is too complicated to understand without a lawyers help, and some of us can not afford this... hang in there until we can help you get some answers.....hugs to you and your family...
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Can you convince him that to be a better wife and mother that you need help? My mom refused help for me for the same reasons. She wanted to save her money for us children. I had to convince her that if something happened to me because I was run down and exhausted, she would go to a NH anyway. It was cheaper to get me some help in the long run. I hope that provides you with some ammunition. Please keep me posted, and I hope you ckeck your profile for your hug. Thoughts are with you..............please come back
If you're asking about me, I hold a degree in psychology with a concentration in mental health and substance abuse. For the moment, I have about 50 MICAs (mentally ill chemical abusers) under my direct supervision and they're very needy. My type of caregiving, then, is not that different from yours. (As son Josef says: "Same s__t, different toilet.") Still, it's not easy to have someone else's life in your hands and know that you can lose your job, be sued, go to jail, and never work in the field again. But I'm up to the challenge every day at 3:30 am and am always willing to help people heal and reclaim their lives.
This, my friends, is the "family" I'll take care of for the rest of my life. I might be a sucker for punishment, but I love what I do.
-- Ed
I would go outside to smoke, come back in and she never remembered I live here.. So I understand how you feel. I always say I just went to her world, she didn't live in mine anymore... My heart is hurting for you because I know how you feel. Please come back and share, vent, or make us laugh... we are looking forward to getting to know you.. hugs to you and your mom
I'm still very tired today...but managed to get through Wal-Mart in one piece and back home only to make the col angry. She demanded that she be taken to the store and I left that one with her son. He explained that the last time he took her she bought all kinds of fresh food that had to be tossed 2 weeks later; I have offered to cook for her and it's always "no I'm not hungry" it's easier to just fix her whatever we are having. I asked her one day, instead of throwing money away on food she won't eat, why doesn't she donate so someone else can eat? Got told that wasn't any fun, not like going shoppy-shoppy. So after Wal-Mart, and since the sun was shining, I went outside to mow down the 12" grass in the backyard, and she wants to come outside and tell me about the tornado in Joplin. It's hot, humid, and she won't let me get her into cooler clothes, she has on a sweatshirt and jeans, so I have to tell her I already know about the tornado and to go back inside I'm busy. That's been my Groundhog Day all week.....the Joplin tornado.
burned.....please come and give us a little more information....there are some here that want to help you find the resources you are in need of.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Mom is so aggravated with her condition today. Two more days to wait for a diagnosis. Hope there is a suitable treatment. She's weepy. Can't decide if she wants to scream, cry or laugh, but I can always distract her with food......as long as it is mashed potatoes and gravy. She sat on the porchc for a while, but allergies brought her in....and 82 degrees in the house is too cold for her. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH !!!!! Hubby was crabby,too, feeling a little left out of things, no attention paid to him cause it all goes to mom. He is pretty self-sufficient, exccept emotionally. Wish I could be two people.....wouldn't we all !!!
Robin....my mom woke up from a short nap and wanted to tell me she couldn't get the kids ready in time to go to the party. She just couldn't get all 6 kids dressed and looking half-way decent, and the boys' collars wouldn't stand up stiff. Those twin boys are now 58 years old !!! I have gotten used to the conversations now, but they used to throw me for a loop. Her brain damage comes from a brain aneurysm 10 years ago. No medicine will help that. What is gone is gone. Everything happened yesterday or is tomorrow. But I love her dearly and wouldn't trust her in anyone else's care.....even my sisters'. It is a labor of love, and now I know the labor part......
I hope everyone has a good what is left of the weekend. I must get the rabbit's leftovers before dark.........
I told my daughter-in-law today that so far the bunnies haven't gotten our peas only because they don't know those from the weeds.....:) Told my granddaughters to go pick some strawberries......there were tons, those 2 little girls are going to be full of strawberries.
Hubby is getting very frustrated with his mother. He was telling me a bunch of things she was saying and it's like how do I tell him this isn't new information I'm hearing? I just keep my mouth shut until I am asked to intervene. About an hour ago I had to go down and sweep up the cheese popcorn all over the counters, the kitchen floor, the living room carpet. She ate almost a full bag of the stuff and I'm talking BIG bag.....no wonder she isn't hungry for supper. Went to the bathroom to empty her "diaper" pail and she had pulled out the liner and was stuffing her wet pants down into nothing. So I had wet didies all over the floor...ewwwwww. Told me she would want food in 15 min....went down to cook her dinner, nope not hungry. Something tells me she will get hungry about 10 and it will be okay if I can catch her before she goes after the popcorn again. So I'm tired again....would try to take another nap, but I just betcha I would hear the beep beep beep of the intercom again.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Rosella and Linda....Welcome....good to hear from you.....bless your hearts, you sweet ladies....
Rosella, We never seem to be online at the same time, but I want you to know I have briefly visited your country in the late 1970's. We only went to Venice and the Mediterranean Coast. Hubby and I drove to a US military base to get some supplies, but I never made it to Rome. I studied Latin in high school and would have loved to visit that City. Instead I got 4 hrs in Venice. My in-laws were with us and my FIL did not like being a tourist. My then 16 yo brother-in-law only wanted the beaches. What a wasted opportunity........but there was never enough time to do all we wanted to....
Linda, I hope Pa is feeling better. I know he is sleeping a lot, so is mom, but she seems good so far today. Almost time for his breakfast this morning? That is my mom's favorite meal.....always the same thing, too...... I hope you are taking care of your back...I think of you when I get back spasms...you are such a sweetheart for what you do, but you just go on cause you love Pa so much. We understand your kind and loving heart.
Some of you have been up late, but I took advantage of help and slept for 6 hrs in a row...whoopee !!! Ready to face the world today. Hubby will be home from work soon and all will be well.........
Good Morning to All! And I wish everyone a happy and peaceful Memorial Day as well as those serving our country. Also a peaceful day to those who have suffered through the recent terrible storms......we were spared from the last one, tornado didn't touch down, but my lifelong friend was in the one that went through Sedalia, MO last week and thank goodness they were well protected.
seeme....I'm glad you are feeling better today. I had about 7 hrs but woke up still tired. Trying to convince Target to buy a new mattress....:)
ladee-----GOOD LUCK to you today!!!!!! Please let us know how things go. Didn't hear from you last night so thought maybe you were getting a good nights sleep.
I went down to fix dinner finally for the col and she decided that she had drank a protein drink and she was ready to go to bed. Well okay then, off we go. She was dry!!!! But undies on backwards as usual, so had to turn those around. Brushed her teeth, didn't spit, didn't rinse....thought I had grown 2 heads when I told her to rinse her mouth out. Wouldn't let her take her mascara to bed with her...I'm sure I will hear about that today. Took her dirty clothes to wash so that I can throw away those darn jeans she wore yesterday. Size 16, she wears a 10 but I buy 12 to give her "diaper" room. I tried several times yesterday to get them off of her, but nope she wasn't having any part of that. Guess we will see what today brings.
Love and Hugz
Jam
You have plenty of time to see the rest.
I am here because, like Linda, I am sorry to see people go somewhere else. So I follow (and I keep one foot where we all belonged). I think it's always the same problem: misunderstandings... I think we all are good people, everyone has his nature. Sometimes the natures crash against each other, but if you keep an open minded attitude, all the problems can be solved... among good people.
Got to go and recover my mother where she is...
Hugs across the miles to everyone... love
The neighbors worked diligently all morning on their yard and I was beginning to feel a little "overgrown" and was waiting for my son to get here; he does our yard work in exchange for truck payments...we sold him our little Ford Ranger. Anyway, he gets there and starts mowing, dil is weed eating and I went down to the back fence to trim back a wild rose bush that makes mowing miserable. Yes, my arms look like I've been in a cat fight! Had to turn the watching of the col over to hubby, she was on a mission. Came out about 10ish and wanted to help me....I said you can by sitting at your table and looking pretty, but first we must get you into cooler clothes. She had on flannel jammies and it was already approaching 80 degrees. Told her to head for her bedroom and I would be right behind her....got inside and she is whining...."why do I have to go to bed? I didn't do anything".....good grief..I explained again that she needs cooler clothes on and we have to go to her bedroom for that...."but I don't want to go to bed".....this is going to be a long day. Get her out a pair of capris and a nice matching shirt, put her hair up in a clip so it's off her neck and cooler and said now let's go outside. But she wants to talk about how many children I have....I told her 10....I only have 3 but it got her to thinking about something other than the Joplin tornado. I finally got her outside and went back to what I was doing. She sat for 5 min and disappeared. Found her inside with one hot roller on the top of her head....two on the right side and five on the left. Nothing in the back of course. I just shook my head and went back outside. Hubby went and got her for lunch....we just barbecued burgers today and while some of us went back outside, hubby entertained her until she was ready to go back to her house. A little later I caught her trying to come up the deck stairs by herself.....this is a no-no....helped her back down and she lost her footing at the bottom....thank goodness I had a hold of her or she would have toppled over and probably ended up with a fracture. She is very unsteady on her feet due to the Ativan. It's not so bad when she is sitting quietly but when she gets up and moves she's like a little "Weeble" doll. I reminded her that work will start on the front yard tomorrow, so she needs to not go there......"why can't I help?" because there will be pieces of machinery there that will smash you! Our front yard will be concreted over with a stamped pattern and will give her somewhere else to sit and get a different view on the world. She's tucked away for the evening, watching CNN, and I'm hoping now I can relax for a while.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
For those of you who do not know me, I am one of only two or three paid caregivers on this sight.. I was welcomed with open arms, have made some great life long friends, and have been cared about thru the good times and the bad... I have been listened to to , encouraged, and have laughed until my stomach hurts.. so to anyone new, keep on posting, we are all here for each other in one way or anther.... hugs to you all.
I am still new to finding a website and a place to where I can vent and discuss what is going on with my husband but the most daily occurences he has is getting sick after eating and complaining of pain on the right side of his head. He sleeps off and on. He constantly ask me questions about this that besides raising two small childre. I also have family on his side asking me questions about this and that when it seems they are fishing for information to put the blame on me when they could care less except the green. I hate that I am not being trusted or that I even count anymore. I do what I can and now I am getting ready next wk to finish the rest of the paper work I need to be his caregiver. At least that will help and I can save the money but I honestly do not know how much time he has left or what I am going to do after. All I know is that I will have to pay back school loans and find a way creative way to stay afloat in this economy and raise my kids. Sometimes I just wish someone else was in my shoes and not me. This wears me out mentally every day and now my own health is starting to be at risk. I can't accept help from his family because they do not trust me at all. I am consider a gold digger and for what money none. We been thru our share of up and downs he is trying his best to hold on his reality but I am just burned. My candle cannot hold a flame anymore.
Burned, if I were you I would think of the caregiving, but in the same time I would already think of what I can do next.
Night everybody