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As a (barely) reformed people-pleaser, I find Dorker’s thread cathartic.

My now-departed mother talked a good game. But truth is, my Mom would have been thrilled for me to star in the roles of Dorker and SIL during her old age and decline. Thrilled.

For me, it was the logistics of my location and my even-farther-away job — not my boundary-setting skills — that drew my initial line in the sand.

Then, much more of my strength came from stumbling upon AgingCare. What an eye-opener.

The cautionary tales awakened something in me that I was previously unable to articulate.

Next level : My own saga plus my AC knowledge shed some serious light on how twisted my in-laws are. Without this site, I’d probably still be “going with the flow” and extending myself to those ninnies more than they extend themselves to each other. Or to their own parents. Or to me and my extended family. (Just had to throw in that last one, for comic relief.)

Constantly being called upon to compensate for other people’s personality disorders is not a blessing. It’s not normal. It’s not appropriate.

Yet that is the expectation for so many of us.

It’s an uphill battle.

I’m holding my own, but I need constant reminders of the truth. That’s what the Dorker saga does for me. And I hope some of my rants help her stay on the self-care track.

To each their own!
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Black Hole, Good post.
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I find Dorker's monologues hard to wade through (the minutiae is too much for me), I only check in occasionally to see if anything has changed since the advice given and taken in the early weeks last year. It seems pretty clear that it is just a place for D to vent and reaffirm.
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BlackHole: "Constantly being called upon to compensate for other people’s personality disorders is not a blessing. It’s not normal. It’s not appropriate."

A quote to remember! And it is indeed the expectation that we constantly are called upon to do so.

Another thing -- I don't get why people complain about Dorker's thread. If they don't like it, don't read it!
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So, how is everyone liking the new AC website?
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The Q&A on the main forum seem to be all about hospice, money or dysfunction, none of which I can comment on. I still check in often but don't stay long.
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I find I'm not on AC much since the site change. A good part of it is that -- my own life is moving a different direction, away from thoughts about caregiving and elders. And I'm not seeing that many discussions or questions where I feel I have meaningful input.
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I get that Ali, most of the people who have been here the longest are no longer caregivers or like me their situations have changed, it can be hard to relate to those still in the thick of things. And the conversational threads have waned too, newcomers seem to post once or twice and disappear.
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CW, Right about some threads. It seems No one posts on the gardening thread which I used to enjoy. I could post a 10 screen whine about my health problems, but I don’t. I don’t want to think about it or bother anyone else with all of the issues. The only caregiving I’m doing now is myself and I’m not very good at doing so.

As as far as the Dysfunctional stuff. I sympathize with everyone. I’ve been there, but prefer to keep it in the rear window. The key players in my family dysfunction are deceased and I won’t resurrect them willingly. Dysfunction tends to be the gift that keeps on giving.
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It's still tough for me to navigate on the iPad mini

on the main page, the same threads seem to be repeated under the different headers and late at night in bed, I just don't have the desire to scroll through long enough to find something

the old A/C had a more user friendly experience and I wonder if new posters have questions that no one ever sees
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One positive addition to the forum is the category for posts that need answers, anything with less than three replies can be found there and the only questions that go unanswered seem to be unanswerable.

The popular questions and discussions are just a PITA, they clutter up the page and some are closed or no longer relevant.
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Just disappointed with so many new questions where someone is highly against Hospice. Yes, everyone is allowed their opinion.

I stopped answering the last long one we had on here with the previous format as hardly anyone new answering wasn't reading the previous postings where many of us were giving informative medical facts. It turned into too much of a bully session by the new posters who's first time on the website was about Hospice ... [sigh].
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The clutter of years old posts can be solved by providing an additional menu option, stick all the "closed for further comment" questions or threads in the title:

"A R C H I V E D "
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Well I hope that no one completely loses touch. It's so nice having nice people to converse with on here, even if we are chatting about things non-caregiving.
Even though I am not a caregiver anymore I still feel like I have PTSD from my caregiving experience and it's nice to know that when I feel the need for confirmation of my feelings or just someone to talk to that you are all still around.

So, with that being said.............:)
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Agreed, Gershun !

Cwillie, I had to really think hard to figure out what PITA stands for 😆
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Has anyone else noticed something weird going on with the avatars today, one moment there are pics and then they're gone, then they're back again? 😕
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Yes, I have too. I was wondering if it was the site or my Internet connection. Glad it's not just me.
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I'd like to be able to see who "likes" my posts.. like on FB.
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OK Pammzi,
That was me, liking your post.

What about the feature (that I have experienced on my news feed:)

If you, "like" my post, the like appears with the repeat of my comment
On my News Feed, where I receive also messages and private messages.
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No worries Gershun!
The stressed out caregivers on here (includes me) are more likely to lose touch with reality before losing touch with you or the fabulous support system of the AgingCare website.

L
O
L.
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CWillie,
Yes, your squirrel is gone, my pic is gone.
All that's left right this minute for everyone is their letter/initial.
I trust they will fix this soon. I am not going to panic, but instead, will put my jammies on early tonight.
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Reality? What's that Send. I've been creating my own reality for years.
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Reality Gershun, is what many are taking a break from.
Ever heard of a psychotic break from reality,,?

Well, I do need a break, but not that kind.

You don't either. Your reality is more of a specialized version of defiance speckled with a great sense of humor.

I have learned to appreciate defiance because of you, it has helped me to lighten up about things, and post often on "Caregiver's Behaving Badly".

All respect to my friend!
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Yes, I stare defiantly into the face of reality and say Try me Reality, let's see what you've got!

It did try me but put me back on the shelf cause I didn't taste good.
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It is 12:16 AM Central Time and CWillie's squirrel is back!! (as are all of the other beautiful faces and avatars). 😃

Someone mentioned on another post that it would be nice if the name of the original poster was listed along with the name of the person who posted most recently.  I like that idea (especially if I didn't click on the "Follow" option).  When you search for someone, the results skip around from year to year and are not in chronological order.  (Example: April 2018, June 2015, August 2018, December 2017, January 2014, July 2018, etc.)  And if you can't remember the exact question, then you can't search for it.
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A better search section (in chronological order) is needed.

Too many sections -- Needs Answers, Recent, Popular? And then there are sections for Questions and Discussions.

There are paid professionals who contribute on this site, correct? Maybe they should be the ones to answer the Needs Answers ones. I don't think the rest of us should be "nagged" to answer questions.

Once Dorker's saga is ended, I will probably only just check into this site once in a while. The new format is making it too difficult to participate much more than that.
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I just answered a question under the New Questions. It was first posted in 2011. New question, I think NOT!
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Hi Tacy, the function remains the same- Ask a Question allows a member to head directly to the forum.
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I agree, Tacy. Mine is gone too. I have no way of seeing the most recent questions or discussions other than the ones I follow in my news feed.
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Hi tacy022,

We released some small changes to the navigation bar and drop-down menu this afternoon. If you use the three lines on the top left of the page to expand the menu, you can click on "Ask a Question" to quickly navigate to the forum. I hope this helps!
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