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Peasuep I'm truly so sorry this is happening to you and your husband.

When is his next appointment?
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Bad day. DH slept until 4pm when I had to force him up to change his bedding and try to get some food, water and medications into him. It took another hour for him to even be able to understand what I was saying to him. He’s better now but my 24 hour sad allowance has 15 hours to go so I’m going to whine for awhile before it’s time to move on.
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((((Ana)))) I'm so sorry. I had a mentally ill mother too and surviving her wasn't easy.

"It disturbs me that she seems happiest when she’s the centre of attention, even if it’s for doing something absolutely awful."

That's what narcissists do and have no idea, apparently, that what they do negatively affects others, or they don't care, or they do care and are happy b/c that's the effect they want. Yes, no remorse etc. whatsoever.

I am glad you have been able to detach, but I know it's still disturbing. Not sure how much a psych hold and ?diagnosis/treatment? would be able to do for her at this stage. Mother didn't have hallucinations after they put her on an antipsychotic, but she could still be very still nasty. That didn't change. They told me she was too old for treatment - the pathways were too ingrained.

nacy - speaking of pathways, the human brain is very interesting to me. Definitely we can rewire and redirect thoughts to our benefit. Our brains have "plasticity". The more we dwell on negative things the easier it is for our brains to go there. The pathways get practiced. So practicing "good thoughts" makes it easier for our brains to go there too. We can develop new thinking patterns and habits.

way - I hope you have had some success with property care. I can't tell you how happy I am to be rid of that. We had thought of buying a house here in this town, but opted for the condo, and what a good thing too with all the issues R has been having. He wouldn't have been able to keep up with the care at times.

Psue, R is very active as his father was and his bros are. Even in the past 2 years I have seen him work 14 hrs a day at renos for a week at a time. In that time he does the work of at least 2 men. Works, eats breakfast, works, eats lunch, works, takes an hour for supper, then works till bedtime. His walking a few blocks and climbing 5 flights of stairs didn't even get his BP or HR up. And this was at the end of a busy day relocating horses and whatever. He says as his father did and his grandfather did he will work until he can't. Father stopped farming in his 70s when he needed a pacemaker. He is downsizing his horse herd - it's a slow business and meanwhile they need hay and water and...

His BP was up to 116/77 this morning which is great. It seems when he is stressed or tired his BP goes down while most peoples' would go up. When he is rested it's higher. Just the way he is built. Relieved to see the improvement.

We have a funeral to go to tomorrow - wife of a second Cousin of R's, in her 70s. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and didn't tell anyone. She went very quickly. Always a sad time.
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@freqflyer,

I looked on Nextdoor .
I already use a company for lawn but they don’t do snow .
I’m willing to use a new company for both lawn and snow , just so he will take us on , even though he already quoted me a higher mowing charge than I pay now .

Plan on downsizing when we retire . Right now commute to work is keeping us here .
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waytomisery, not easy finding teens to mow lawns or to shovel. And if there is one that does, they will place an ad on NextDoor.com or on a HOA forum. Usually that teen will say "text" to reach him. Guess teens today assume everyone has a cellphone.


I tried to get the attention of one teen who was offering mowing, etc, who gave out his email address. I sent him an e-mail this past spring (doubled checked his email address), still waiting for an answer.... (sigh). I eventually signed up with a commercial company to do mowing, would have paid that teen the same amount if he would have contacted me.
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Peasuep, I had a book, called rewire your anxious brain. It was all about the neuroscience of anxiety.

Being a non medical person it was not an easy read, took me a lot of rereading and looking up words.

But it was really really fascinating to me, anyways. Learning about all the different parts of the brain, and kinds of anxiety.

It's not for everyone, but I enjoyed it
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Nacy, maybe that’s not what you meant to say but I really do find it interesting…fascinating really. The way the brain works, or doesn’t work, is completely unfathomable to me, yet so amazing. It makes me wish I was a lot smarter than I am so I could grasp it.
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Anna I'm rereading what I said, I'm not sure what I was planning on saying, but I know interesting was what it wasn't what it was supposed to say.
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‘Interesting’ is right! It isn’t easy, for me anyway, to back up far enough to see the interesting part. I’m still trying to accept the Twilight Zone aspect without doubting my own sanity. Workin’ on it!
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Oh boy Anna, that sounds interesting, anyways. So sorry
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Thank you Peasuep. I’m frustrated but fine. Note that she is in care (I hit my breaking point about 3 years ago) so I can keep her at arm’s length. Her care staff are exceptional, and I feel terrible for them. The home’s manager and I spoke and will pursue a dosage change or new meds. Or a psych admission. Because she’s 90lb and bed-bound, most people don’t take her threats seriously. I’ll admit I’ve laughed behind her back. It disturbs me that she seems happiest when she’s the centre of attention, even if it’s for doing something absolutely awful. Her dementia brain has told her that she is entitled to do anything, if it gets her what she wants. Zero empathy, zero remorse, zero regret.
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Ana, how are you doing today? I’ve been thinking about you and your mom and I just can’t imagine how you keep sane.
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Ah. Still low but much better. That’s a relief. And wow, that is one active guy you’ve got there!
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Ahhh, We have a clarification. R's systolic was 94 and his diastolic was 64, He doesn't know the difference. That makes much more sense and explains how he has kept functioning. Tonight it was up to102/71, HR 87 after he had walked several blocks and climbed 5 flights of stairs. Otherwise resting at 95/69, same heart rate, His dad and his bro were/are the same in having low BP I don't think it is a matter for much concern but a good idea to try to get it up a bit so he has more wiggle room in case...I'm relieved.
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Psue -not su much of a shock as his BP is always low, but a concern that it is that low. We'll figure it out. Hope the weekend goes well. Think it was time for the queen era to end. I understand. I'm not supermom any more but I'm not sure my kids have quite got it yet.

way - prayers for success. In Fort Mc we had a facebook page where you could advertise or ask for odd jobs. Many would shovel. Do you have anything similar? I am so glad to be rid of that responsibility.

ana - ((((((hugs))))) No psych hold??? What does she have to do???? Goodness gracious! It's hard to understand, SMH
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@Anabanana,

💪💪💪💪🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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Hi. I just need to vent.
My mother was sent to the hospital by the care home, suspected of having broken feet, from rage kicking. (X-rays were clear) She snapped to attention, flirted and spoke with incredible detail and clarity about herself to the male paramedics and doctor. How her feet hurt from her daily long distance walks. (She has been bedridden for 2+ years.) Rich fabrications about her abilities. She was aggressive with females, including graphic descriptions of how she would murder them. I am horrified but relieved that others are acknowledging what I’ve long known. I asked the hospital for a psych hold but they refused. Give me strength.
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Trying to hire for snow removal for the upcoming winter . We decided to give in and hire . DH has lost more use of his dominant hand this past year (large nerve dying from an accident ) . I cannot handle a large snowblower either . I had an old electric corded one that was pretty good so long as I went out every 4 inches but it broke a couple of years ago , the keyed ignition went up in flames . I ran fast to unplug it , then tipped it on it’s side and put the flames out with snow . Then I bought a rechargeable battery snowblower but it’s not that great unless it’s dry fluffy snow . End up using a shovel more often than not . The driveway is loooooooong .

Most companies only do commercial , shopping centers , other parking lots etc .
I want to know where are the teenagers ?
We used to shovel for money when I was a kid . Never see any walking around the neighborhood with shovels. All their Dad’s are using snowblowers, while they are inside playing video games . When I was a kid on a snow day Mom sent me out to shovel .

I have one potential provider , supposed to be sending me his two different snow removal plans to choose from . 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
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Golden, that BP must have been a shock! It’s ’normal’ for my DH because of the handful of meds he takes everyday. But in an otherwise healthy man, I can understand your concern.

Nacy, get the t-shirt! That’s hysterical!
Thank you for that very sweet compliment on another thread. I have not replied there because I am embarrassed by compliments😊.

My whine: I’ve got to get myself and my DH through this weekend and three different sets of out-of-town guests. Thank the Lord above no one is staying overnight. I used to be the queen of multitasking and entertaining. I’m mourning the demise of the queen.
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cw - thanks for that feedback and I am sorry that that happened to your mum. One dr prescribes that and another prescribes that and there is no coordination.

His family doctor has no record of his knee surgery or the opthamologists recommendation after the accident, or of the recommendation for an appointment with a neurologist.

He was put on a low dose of amitriptyline by another doctor for pain and sleep, and conceivably, that could have a effect, though when he mentioned it his dr didn't flag it.

We don't know how long his BP has been so low as it was better when he left hospital, so we will be taking it daily to find out and see if we can relate it to something. It's probably better for him to go off all pills to begin with (he's not a pill taker anyway in general) and then keep a record of his BP and any pills he takes - e.g. cold FX for a cold, tylenol for headaches, amitriptyline and so on and see what happens.

I'm amazed he functions so well with such low BP. But then I had a girlfriend who as not particularly healthy, smoked, took drugs and her normal BP was 90/50. Thinking back, maybe it was the drugs???

He did take a strong herbal "immune booster" the night before as well as the amitriptyline and the dr suggested he throw those away as he got a ferocious headache that night. Personally I am very cautious about herbals . I take supplements but they are mainly things the body makes anyway, that are deficient in CFS/FM.

Anyway it's a concern.
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Golden - is he on any medication or supplement at all that might be lowering his BP? You may remember how multiple people told me my mom was end of life when her BP dipped so low but in reality she was dangerously over medicated, and I'm convinced that contributed to her cognitive decline.
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nacy - I can sit and cuddle a white elephant - no problem if others want to ignore it. I consider myself apolitical. I like that T shirt slogan! Hope you've got your TV working. I still haven't got ours set up yet and I don't miss it.

Oh, the garbage can problem. Psue, I am so sorry that's your job now too. I hated doing it at 35 below and other temps. My driveway was sloped down and the can had wheels so I pointed it in the right direction and hung on. Not quite that easy but the wheels helped though the driveway could be slippery. I am so glad to be rid of that chore. I vote for taking the empty can to the curb and filling it. I have done that too.

Whine, if you can call it that, today is that R's physical yesterday clocked his BP and 64 over something that I don't even want to know. The dr was concerned and told him to eat more salt and use the exercycle again. He has avoided salt all his life but he obviously needs it now. I have told him he needs it but...

After the accident this summer his BP dropped even lower. His heart and lungs are fine - everything checks out so it may be something to do with his blood volume/BP regulation. He doesn't get thirsty, so he gets dehydrated but doesn't know it and has to force himself to drink, He can add salt at the table as I cook low salt normally. Also I have some electrolyte powder that he can put in his water bottle which should help.

Despite the low BP he is functioning as normal and after a late night at the dinner theatre, he is off relocating horses again and will be hauling hay today as well. Go figure. It's good for him to be active.
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Thanks peasuep, I have reacted, a few times here, 😂 but I'm really trying not to.

Dyslexics are, Solvem Problers. Lol it's a tee shirt I want to get someday.


Anyways one talent I don't have is program a darn new TV. Ughhh 😖
This just stinks!! I can't get Netflix to work for nothing.

So that's my wine , for the last 2 days.
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Nacy, you have a gift. Actually, I’m sure you have a lot of them but one is that you are a non-reactive, peaceful problem solver. It is lovely to behold.

oh wait….that’s not a whine. Sorry - off subject. : )
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Just to add about yesterday issues, there is a lot of tension in are world right now. We all are sitting next to a giant white elephant, and pretending it's not there, which is the way it has to be. But I think it may be making many of us a bit on edge. Actually I think we are all doing a good job, working together despite it all.
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Burnt, yes, and thanks. It looks like our posts crossed.

As to your Whine: I wholeheartedly agree.
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Here is my 'Whine Moment'. Why does this group have so many people who will report on a commentator for abuse and cruel language if they disagree with a post or don't express sympathy for the OP putting it up here? Yet fake posts and trolling seems to be fine and the admins and it stays. There's my whine moment.


@Peasup

Is it possible to leave your garbage bin in the spot it gets picked up and use a cart to haul your garbage bags down to it? I've got a long driveway and the garbage can situation gets complicated because we're not allowed to leave the cans visible at the end of the driveway or in the yard.
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I think that’s what I’ll have to do….wheel the bin up empty and haul up the bags. DH may still be able to help for a while if I bag it all up.
During the growing season there will be problems but that should get us through the winter.
Thanks Nacy and cw for scooping me out of my 24 hr. pity puddle!
(24 hrs. max. wallow time is what I allow myself whenever I’m mad or sad. After that it’s ONWARD!)
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I was actually thinking about that too. If peasuep, could hide the can behind a tree or something and bring the garbage out there.

When there is a will , there is away. And we all have to do what makes are life easier, and forgo looks , or what will the neighbors think.
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I know of people who wheel their empty can to the curb and then pull a wagon full of trash bags out to fill it there - picture hauling trash cans on long gravel drives in winter.
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