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Brazilian you have taken on an almost impossible task. Your Mom is only 61 and could easily live many more years so now is probably the time to make some hard decisions. You could wait another 10 -15 years and end up in poor health and many years older than your real age. That is not responsible for you or your Mom.
She is agressive and argumentative and this will only get worse. if she has dementia she is only going to get worse. She is not the same person and her personality will slowly continue to slip away.
The time to consider placing in her a the nicest facility you can find is now. Let yourself grow up and in the future you may be in a position to bring her home if her personality becomes more mellow.
Don't expect her to like this decision or even easily agree to it but stay firm and finally it will happen.
Do not feel guilty about making a decision like this, you will be doing the best for her and you. No loving mother would expect her daughter to give up her whole life and freedom and any hope of having her own family. You certainly have my blessing for whatever that is worth. I have been married 50 years and at 21 was a recently graduated RN and just about to meet my husband. Many Hugs. Keep talking to us many people are here to help.
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Ive been reading this site for 6 months and today it made me laugh so hard my mom insisted I read it to her. This was the first time we have shared a laugh in weeks. I helped take care of mom and dad when my father had lung cancer. I drove 130 miles round trip twice a week and according to them that wasn't nearly enough. My dad accused me of shunning them lol. Dad lost his battle in 2011 and I moved my mother into my one bedroom apt with me. She has the bedroom and my bed resides by the front door. And, I have a bell hanging from the highest point above the door as an extra percausion from nightly excapes. My complaint for the day is silly but true. I'm done taking care of this elderly baby. Like the rest of you I miss having a life and I'm tied of try to fix something that's not fixable. I love my mom but lately every little thing she does bothers me to the point of sarcasm in my own head. I have hatefull thoughts not to be confused with evil thoughts. Thoughts like "shut up" "are you stupid" "leave me alone" are at the tip of my tongue to often. Mom uses 4-5 rolls of toilet paper a day to make her 'pads' and no matter where I hide it she finds it. She has even lined her entire 'wet' bed with toilet paper and slept it. I'm tired of cooking rich meals for her 74 pound body only to gain 40 pounds myself this past three years. Anyway, the sad part is that she is a very sweet lady with a cruel case of Alzheimer's. I wish she had had another daughter to help us both.
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Boy, I cannot imagine what it is like at the age of 21 having to take on that responsibility. I am 90, but have lived more years than I could have anticipated; health is not too bad and am looking forward to a few more years..

At 21 I was married and awaiting my husband's return from England after WW2 ended. We began a family immediately and enjoyed 70+ years of marriage - so I cannot complain too much about having to care for my husband now that he needs me.

It is difficult to understand where he is coming from when we converse - never know what is coming out this time, but it is a challenge and sometimes quite annoying. Understanding dementia is the challenge and this site has been a great help.

I hope there are others in your family who can step in and take their turn in caring for your mother... I do not envy your challenge! Hugs..
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This is more than anything just a vent post, but boy I really feel the need to whine.
Caretaker promised mom she would take her to church today... another promise fell through and cancelled plans :/ I feel like it's honestly impossible to find someone who is at least the majority of time reliable! I wish I could afford to go through hiring someone individually, unfortunately the rates that some people expect for care for my mom.. :(
It makes me really sad to say that I feel like NH isn't far at all from now. It is coming to be so much to take care of my mom. I have always felt weak at moments, but was able to bring strength from myself and still be able to help mom... but it's getting bad. I am drained and I don't have time to take care of my physical or emotional help. My mother is 61 and I am 40 years younger. I want to fit helping her into my life with school, work, a SOCIAL LIFE! for goodness sake.. but it is very challenging. at the same time, she is very argumentative, and at some times aggressive. I find myself having a hard time controlling what I say to her, too. I have never felt this way towards anyone. At some points, I just feel like it's not my mother I'm taking care of anymore...
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She rushed through the door as hubby was slamming it. Big howl. I thought of hanging it from the mirror of his car like a lucky rabbits foot, but resisted. It was only the last couple of inches but she was not amused.
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How did your cat lose his tail??? LOL
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Pam at least toe nails grow back not like the end of our old cat's tail
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Go to shoeloverscare (you know) to vote for DSW Shoes to donate $75,000.00 to the Alzheimer's Association. Voting ends tonight.
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I am suddenly running an animal hospital as well as taking care of dad and mom..LOL One cat need thyroid surgury ( yeah thats gonna happen this month) one has a huge abcess ( treated that myself with Moms help.. two medical professionals (one retired) can do this job and save hundreds of dollars.. I'm an old country gal! He is doing great and Hubs has calmed down about it.. Then dear daughter's chihuahua tore off a toenail on her deck last night. Insisted I call vet as she had a meeting. Vet said it's not a "toenail emergency" ( I about lost it laughing) Brought pups here and she is running around like a nut ball and bouncing all over the place.. problem solved by coming to grandma's house . Luckily it is a grey kinda day so Dad is all calm and mellow.. we wandered around outside and now he is watching NASCAR with hubs and Mom and I are haveing some wine.. So I guess it is all working out
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I stand right in front of my mom, with water.. and make sure she takes them. She can get all temper tantrum if she wants but she takes them...or I withhold her ice cream bar!
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I know what you mean, Jessie - I do that battle every day too. Mom definitely shows physical signs when she doesn't take her meds in the morning. I'll be sitting here working and I'll *know* she didn't take them, because she's laying on her bed behind me and her legs are twitching and jitterbugging so bad, she sounds like a cricket rubbing its legs together (the sound of her feet sandpapering against each other drives me insane and sends shivers down my spine).

It's just like the incontience issue - I remind...she says she will...I remind again...she says she will...I remind AGAIN and then watch while she takes the pills.

We're going to be totally screwed if I lose MY memory.....
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Oh, Susan. My mother does that with her medications. I give them to her, remind her to take them, then remind her again. I come back later and there they still sit. So I give them to her and she says she'll take them in a minute. She thinks I'm so mean when I make her take them NOW. A good part of my life is spent chasing her around with pills.
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The Incontinence & Memory Battle

Day before yesterday:
Me: Mom, did you change your pad? (as she comes out of the bathroom)
Mom: No. I'll change it later. I'm too tired now and need to sit down. (Shuffles across the living room and sits.)

2 hrs later....

Me: Mom - you should go change your pad.
Mom: Ok. (shuffles to the bathroom and sits in there for 20 minutes, then comes out)
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Um...yes. Yes? I think so. Um...no. (shuffles back into the bathroom to change it)
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes, I did it this time.

Yesterday:
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes. (and this was the case all day, no problems)

Today:
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: No. I don't feel like it. I'll do it later.

2 hrs later

Mom: I need to pee.
Me: Mom, you should change your pad while you're in there.
Mom: Ok, I will.
Me: (as she emerges from the bathroom after 30 minutes) Mom, did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes. Yes? No. Yes? I think so...wait, no, maybe not. (Shuffles back into the bathroom.)

(sigh)
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Regarding running all over hill and dale for doctor appointments I finally had to put my foot down.... twice a year for your primary doctor unless there is an emergency to which I can call 911 or drive up to the corner for Urgent Care..... once a year for eye doctors and I will schedule both Mom and Dad for back to back appointments, no more separate day appointments.... same with the dermatologist.... and the dentist. Now I need to talk to Mom gyn, isn't it time to stop the mammograms since Mom is 96.

I really believe that my parents like to go to the doctors so often is reassurance when they hear the doctor say "see you in 3 months, or 6 months".

Back when I was driving all over the place I was also working full time... I used up all my vacation days and all my sick days... in fact, my manager had to keep reassigning my work to other employees and eventually headquarters decided that my job position was no longer need.
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Well ,Sallie, can't anybody say we arent' taking care of them.We just don't take care of ourselves.
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Texarkana, it's funny you bring that up. A while back I sent my sister's an e-mail letting them know between me going fir cancer treatments and my mom going to the doctor it was 78 times between November 2012 and September 2013. Pretty crazy when you think about it. I haven't calculated it lately and God knows how many other trips I've made with her banking and shopping.
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I just realized today that from Jan.1 thru July 19th of this year I have taken my mother to the MD 25 times,dermatology,Primary MD, Pain MD, Dentist,Foot doctor , Surgery on foot.,Hip injections for a total of about 2000 miles of driving as each trip is about an 80 mile round trip.No wonder my neck hurts but my turn for the doctor comes July 3rd for neck surgery,hooray!
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Took my mom out today to a couple stores, the bank and had lunch. We get back and her home oxygen isn't working. I had to call the company and they had me try a few things. They think they need to replace the whole unit. Luckily she has a back up canister. She us still in panic mode, but they said they will be out before 5pm.
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I know what you mean whippedat56. My mom's go-to response whenever I ask a question or try to bring up an interesting topic is, "This certainly is beautiful weather we're having..".
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I guess the only bright side of this dementia h*ll is when something goes wrong the short term memory part kicks in and we can get a reprieve. So don't feel bad, Susan, be happy that she is OK with it!

If anyone ever 'deserves' to be grouchy once in a while, it is a caregiving person. Yesterday I exploded when my husband knocked a plate that I treasured off the wall and I exploded with, "If you'd just stay in bed at night instead of roaming around with your flashlight, this would not have happened."

When he said, "It's not as if I did it on purpose - you don't have to get so mad!" I came back with, "Well, I get to be mad once in a while, too, don't I?" No answer to that.. and no mention of it today, so I guess it's over...
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my whine for today....

I was a grouchy, irritable jerk yesterday to everyone around me, and last night, when I apologized to Mom for being grouchy, she said, "You were fine, dear!"....thus making me feel like even more of a jerk.

I feel like such an a**.

:-(
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After answering another endless repetitive question I got to thinking, why can't my mother ever answer a question I ask of her that actually makes sense? When she answers me it will be something totally off the topic...it's frustrating she can't comprehend anything anymore
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Every time I do a little more organizing of my mother's finances, or need to handle the latest THING (because it seems like every day there's some new THING to take care of), I get a clearer view of how little she handled things, but how much she PRETENDED to handle things, or LIED and said she was taking care of things, but was actually just leaving it for someone else (me, I guess?). It's eye-opening, I'l tell you that.
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AC units left on all night in the down stairs (no one there) and left on all day upstairs (no one up there).I have to check on them all the time. My electric bill is going to shoot through the roof! Please turn them off. I know he was used to central AC but I do not have it nor an open checkbook! And today is the day my sister buys him an iphone (like I really have the time) to teach how to use an iphone!
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Kazzaa - the skin toner - what fresh h*ll is this..? :-O
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No oaten beliefs here...just a day in the life...moving on now..
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I think youre "away with the fairies" SM LOL
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Kazza~when you are a caregiver you are a cargiver too....what can I say, LOL!!!
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loo - my mother was always like that. Her BPD rages energized her. She would be spewing rage and ranting on her high horse, full of energy and the rest of us by the end of it were like limp dishrags. It hasn't changed. Where do they get the energy?
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Oh poor SM you cant even write without saying "CARE" instead of "CAR" you need a break now!!
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