I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
She is agressive and argumentative and this will only get worse. if she has dementia she is only going to get worse. She is not the same person and her personality will slowly continue to slip away.
The time to consider placing in her a the nicest facility you can find is now. Let yourself grow up and in the future you may be in a position to bring her home if her personality becomes more mellow.
Don't expect her to like this decision or even easily agree to it but stay firm and finally it will happen.
Do not feel guilty about making a decision like this, you will be doing the best for her and you. No loving mother would expect her daughter to give up her whole life and freedom and any hope of having her own family. You certainly have my blessing for whatever that is worth. I have been married 50 years and at 21 was a recently graduated RN and just about to meet my husband. Many Hugs. Keep talking to us many people are here to help.
At 21 I was married and awaiting my husband's return from England after WW2 ended. We began a family immediately and enjoyed 70+ years of marriage - so I cannot complain too much about having to care for my husband now that he needs me.
It is difficult to understand where he is coming from when we converse - never know what is coming out this time, but it is a challenge and sometimes quite annoying. Understanding dementia is the challenge and this site has been a great help.
I hope there are others in your family who can step in and take their turn in caring for your mother... I do not envy your challenge! Hugs..
Caretaker promised mom she would take her to church today... another promise fell through and cancelled plans :/ I feel like it's honestly impossible to find someone who is at least the majority of time reliable! I wish I could afford to go through hiring someone individually, unfortunately the rates that some people expect for care for my mom.. :(
It makes me really sad to say that I feel like NH isn't far at all from now. It is coming to be so much to take care of my mom. I have always felt weak at moments, but was able to bring strength from myself and still be able to help mom... but it's getting bad. I am drained and I don't have time to take care of my physical or emotional help. My mother is 61 and I am 40 years younger. I want to fit helping her into my life with school, work, a SOCIAL LIFE! for goodness sake.. but it is very challenging. at the same time, she is very argumentative, and at some times aggressive. I find myself having a hard time controlling what I say to her, too. I have never felt this way towards anyone. At some points, I just feel like it's not my mother I'm taking care of anymore...
It's just like the incontience issue - I remind...she says she will...I remind again...she says she will...I remind AGAIN and then watch while she takes the pills.
We're going to be totally screwed if I lose MY memory.....
Day before yesterday:
Me: Mom, did you change your pad? (as she comes out of the bathroom)
Mom: No. I'll change it later. I'm too tired now and need to sit down. (Shuffles across the living room and sits.)
2 hrs later....
Me: Mom - you should go change your pad.
Mom: Ok. (shuffles to the bathroom and sits in there for 20 minutes, then comes out)
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Um...yes. Yes? I think so. Um...no. (shuffles back into the bathroom to change it)
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes, I did it this time.
Yesterday:
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes. (and this was the case all day, no problems)
Today:
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: No. I don't feel like it. I'll do it later.
2 hrs later
Mom: I need to pee.
Me: Mom, you should change your pad while you're in there.
Mom: Ok, I will.
Me: (as she emerges from the bathroom after 30 minutes) Mom, did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes. Yes? No. Yes? I think so...wait, no, maybe not. (Shuffles back into the bathroom.)
(sigh)
I really believe that my parents like to go to the doctors so often is reassurance when they hear the doctor say "see you in 3 months, or 6 months".
Back when I was driving all over the place I was also working full time... I used up all my vacation days and all my sick days... in fact, my manager had to keep reassigning my work to other employees and eventually headquarters decided that my job position was no longer need.
If anyone ever 'deserves' to be grouchy once in a while, it is a caregiving person. Yesterday I exploded when my husband knocked a plate that I treasured off the wall and I exploded with, "If you'd just stay in bed at night instead of roaming around with your flashlight, this would not have happened."
When he said, "It's not as if I did it on purpose - you don't have to get so mad!" I came back with, "Well, I get to be mad once in a while, too, don't I?" No answer to that.. and no mention of it today, so I guess it's over...
I was a grouchy, irritable jerk yesterday to everyone around me, and last night, when I apologized to Mom for being grouchy, she said, "You were fine, dear!"....thus making me feel like even more of a jerk.
I feel like such an a**.
:-(