My "whine moment today." What's yours?

And I will add that after sitting and waiting all day long I was already worn out anyway and had just about lost any desire, or ability to go anywhere...I am so angry that once again someone who doesn't have to do one d*mn thing to help me just gets a free pass....d*mn it!!!!!!!

Hope nor should you have to

Hope the mother probably doesn't want to be around the kid either.

Get em girl!!... This is where "they don't get it" comes into play. THEY DON"T.

Quick to forget, quick to judge, quick to ignore is my new word for siblings.

Sometimes I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't get on here and whine once in a while....I'm still so dang angry...sorry about the ugly words earlier...but I just can't believe how unthoughtful these people are....my brother can look at me and see how dog tired I am...I look horrible. People used to tell me I didn't look my age...now when they say it it is for the totally opposite reason...and it is like my hair has gone from blonde to gray so fast during all this...that may not be the reason but I can almost feel my body breaking down ....Lord knows I can see it happening...oh well, at least they all went for a sunset cruise Saturday evening and a nice cookout.... #:*@$&*#

oookkayyyy...I have to let loose a major whine here, or I'm going to explode. And it's not even caregiver-related, but I hope that's ok.

Why is it even remotely acceptable for someone to dump their mistake on me, when it wasn't even close to being my fault?? Not caregiving related - work related. One of my clients screwed up and blamed it on me, so now HIS client is emailing me directly and wanting to know why something wasn't done, and saying how things always go to sh*t when the boss leaves the work in someone else's hands when he's on vacation.

You have got to be kidding me.

I've been working with this client for over 2 years now, and he's pulled some shady stuff before, acting like something was my mistake when it was his, but this is the first time he actually came right out and blamed me for something when it was completely his fault. I am SO close to firing him as a client right now. The only reason I don't is that I need the income he provides - and he knows it. But there's only so much crap I will put up with - and being falsely accused of screwing up his work is definitely on my NO FREAKING WAY list.

A sweet email to his boss saying you perform work as instructed not what your crystal ball tells you to do

PS Susan and never let your clients know how desperate you are for their business, even if the cupboard is bare. they will screw you every time.

Yesterday and today.... got home from work at 7 am, the freezer door was open and the floor was soaked... old fridge.... now broken fridge.... later, I leave for work, my car is full of FLIES..... looked like something from Steven King....the lady next door does NOT pick up the dog poop,,, no explanation needed here I hope..... I go to work, in the middle of the night... it starts raining.... uh oh, my window is down in the car.... long story short, a black plastic bag on the door , couldn't get the window up... in the pouring rain.... earlier this morning... I hear an unusual noise... go to check on L..... she is setting beside her bed on a TRASH CAN!!!! A plastic one.... that was the noise I heard.... the cracking of the plastic..... she will NOT let me help her up.... thank God she didn't pee in it.... but I think that was her intention...... so ya, I'm whining.. hope the whole week is not like this.... haven't had a drink in almost 30 years, but am considering it.....

My whine moment of the day - am the eldest of 5 children (2 girls, 3 boys) - my mom was recently placed in a nursing home (my decision) I only had 30 minutes to find a place because the doctor discharged her from a rehab facility and she could not go home. I have dual POA, and no help from any of my siblings. I had heard more excuses than I could ever imagine, so even though I live 3 hours away, I make weekly trips to visit my mom, handle all of her personal, financial and medical affairs, and try to maintain working 40 hours a week because I live alone, and live from check to check.
This past week my mom has been calling me relentlessly saying that she just wants to go home and die, cannot walk or move her legs, and is totally helpless. I worked with the staff and her physician over the weekend, and discovered that my mother has been playing me like a fiddle. She can move her legs, and she can walk with a walker but has been acting out when I come around so that I will feel sorry for her and bring her home. I can't afford to quit my job, and I can't trust anyone else to really be there to help. I have had family members not show up for scheduled times they were going to help or bring her to dr visits, or just not show up at all when it was their turn to help out. I feel as though I have been used both ways, and I am just disgusted with the whole situation. I know my mother has bouts of dementia, is extremely overweight and just too darn lazy to help herself. Why should I have to be the one to take responsibility for everything? Is anyone else dealing with anything like this?

Susan it used to be some much easier to kiss butt when we were young and stupid!

Phanna I don't think you should let her return home.. I know she may realllly want to but she is much safer where she is..

LadeeM noooooo! Ugh, if it's not one thing it's another..

Thanks, Veronica -

I've never let him know that I need his business, but he's very aware of how the freelancing game works, and he knows that a long-term, weekly gig at a decent flat rate is a rare thing to come by - but he also knows my skill set and that he's getting a bargain at the rate I'm charging him. So it's kind of a balancing act. He ticks me off now and then and I get really irritated and think about dropping him, and then realize that I really need to get my ducks in a row and more work lined up if I'm going to do that....so it remains status quo.

This is the first time that he pushed me to the point of seeking other work with my other clients to fill in his work space - if one or more of them offers enough work to keep me busy long-term - enough to replace his work completely or close to it - I'll drop him like a hot rock and not look back. He can go back to using overseas contractors, paying $3 an hour and getting results worth exactly that - $3 an hour.

Assandache - you are so right. I used to just suck it up when my boss would chew me out for something - not anymore. And this is NOT my boss - he is my client - something I think he's forgotten. I can fire him anytime I want (provided I've got other work lined up to replace his) - I think he's forgotten the relationship is not that of an employer and employee.

Phanna the last thing you want is to bring Mom home. For a start you will loose any chance of earning a living she will make sure of that. She will call you constantly to come home and her calls will escalate till there is one of the I"ve fallen and can't get up" so you rush home and there she is happily sitting in front of the TV with a half eaten pack of cookies on her lap. She will keep this up till you get fired which was exactly her intention. It won't worry her one little bit that you cant pay the bills She has her social security and that will buy her candy or a pity call to one of the sibs and they will drop by with whatever it is she needs and berate you for being so stupid as to get fired.
No don't fall for that pity line. Of course she would rather be at home but she knows perfectly well that she needs full time care. Anyone who has ever tried to manouver a walker and carry a cup of coffee can tell you they need help.
Yes you have been used but you have let it happen so don't even think of making things worse for yourself. You may have to supervise her care but don't visit more often than you have to. Let her calls go to voice mail and then call back when it suites you. Tell her she can call one of the other sibs if it is that urgent. Sounds cruel I know but this is a harsh world and this is as good as it is going to get. She has got a lot that many others don't have but don't expect her to appreciate anything you do. She is not capable of that. Overweight of course she has probably been home alone for years and comforted herself with food. Lazy, well probably but depression encourages that. Dementia doesnot excuse the way she has always been but now she can't help it, that is what dementia does to people.Many others share your problems and will sympathise but only you can look after yourself and help your self in this situation. The staff will haul her out of bed and make her walk and take a shower and take her meds, be thankful that is not your responsibility. Visit if and when you want to. This is about you and your mother not your siblings who have made it clear they have no intention of taking any responsibility. If you really don't like her and that is OK and don't want to visit then stay away but you do need to keep in touch with the staff and visit ocassionally to make sure she is being cared for. When you get there if she is unpleasant and especially if there is a nasty history between the two of you you don't have to stay. Let her know when you are able to visit and ask her to have a list of things she needs so you can plan ahead. Arrange to call her at regular times. Every evening for 20 minutes or once a week on sat it's your choice. other times don't answer or cut her off. You don't have to be nasty just firm. You are not being a bad daughter by imposing some discipline into this relationship. I doubt you can afford the gas to drive six hours every week end either. You have done a fantastic job so far. Many will be jealous of your ability to find placement for her in only an hour. If you do actually want more interaction you may be able to find a facility closer to your home that she could be moved to. Blessings

Phanna don't even consider bringing your mother home. She's safe and cared for where she is and the staff won't put up with her shenanigans. To bring her home would literally be the end of life for you.

Susan I've "fired" (very sweetly and professionally) two or three clients over the years and the minute you do it a huge weight lifts off your shoulders.

I hear that Ashlynne!

I actually had to fire one of my very first clients - turns out he was fishing through the freelancing sites to find people that would work for him based on his promise that he would pay upon completion of the project. Being new to the freelancing game, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Worst case of scope creep - ever. The project never "ended" - so I never got paid. Turns out it was good I left when I did - he was being investigated by the IRS for his shady business practices. He's still out there, taking on new freelancers and never paying them. I don't know how he gets away with it. I counted it as a loss (and a hard lesson learned).

Susan I'm sure you and I could swap a number of horror stories :)

Credit control is incredibly difficult for sole traders, especially when you're hiring out expertise rather than selling goods. I suppose it's a case of "fool me once, shame on you…" And you sort of grow antennae about people, too, don't you. Goodness! - that's one thing I'm not missing at the moment, problematic clients. Bless their little cotton socks.

OK..my whine moment for the day....the neighbors who have female dogs and do not have them spayed.....these dogs are fenced in, BUT now we have dogs coming in from all over the countryside.....my issue with it in addition to just the mere idiocy of folks who don't assume responsibility for allowing animals to overpopulate and hence contribute to the sadness and horror of how many animals are put to sleep every day because of it....BUT back when a neighbor moved away and willfully abandoned her cats...just put them out in the yard and left....I told her that in and of itself was animal abuse as you can't just abandon animals to fend for themselves....she told me, oh I know you'll take care of them...well, thanks for that...anywhoooo.....of course I did find homes for all but one, that one was not neutered (she said he was) and the entire neighborhood was raising h*ll at ME for allowing this cat to roam the neighborhood...he wasn't roaming anywhere, he was sitting at that empty house meowing for his former owner...it broke my heart...they began to threaten him and I took him in, had him neutered and long story short, he is now part of our family...and very much loved...BUT...once again, I get b*tched at for trying to do the right thing....and all the other neighbors just let their dogs run loose and that's ok....but from past experience, I already know if I report the dogs my cats will become a target...can't win for losing....thanks for adding more to my already full plate.

Hope, that is one nasty neighbor you had (with the cats). I had a neighbor once who took in any and all stray cats, but once her very tiny house became overrun with cats and their myriad offspring, she just started keeping all of them outside. I paid a relative to till up a portion of my small yard for a garden - which I planted and tended with great care - only to find I couldn't use anything from the garden, because her cats were using it as a litter box. When I brought up the fact that she had quite a lot of cats outside, she remarked that she had 15 inside, and no room for any more, so that's why they were outside. I suggested she take them to the shelter so they could at least have a chance to find homes, and she responded with a horrified stare, saying they would be killed at the shelter.

Ok, so you're leaving them outside, feeding them, but providing absolutely no medical care for them whatsoever - and many of them have running eyes and noses, ear mites (constant head shaking and ear digging) and are obviously not vaccinated, so there's the concern of FIV and Feline Leukemia, not to mention distemper and other diseases - and fleas/ticks. At least 4 of the 20+ outdoor cats were pregnant. I told her she could be reported to animal control for having so many...so she turned right around and told me they weren't "hers", that she just fed them because she felt sorry for them. Ugh. Sorry lady - if you feed them and they stay in your yard, they are YOURS.

Was so glad when I moved away from there.

Well, sadly, she is right that if you take them to a shelter, they most likely WILL be killed...that is just a sad fact...I understand folks trying to save animals...I have done it all my life, but I also take care of them, have them all spayed./ neutered/ vaccinated....I know people love their pets and so I don't want to be hurtful, but I wear myself making sure mine aren't out worrying other folks, etc. and so it is frustrating when other folks just let theirs run freely wherever whenever....but I guess that is part of having pets....just a whine moment for me...as I also hate it for the animals...not their fault,,, once again irresponsible owners...

And that is just wrong to let animals proliferate ...it is just contributing to the problem instead of helping to end it... :( sad for the cats...or any animals who have to live that way....

My whine today is, I went shopping Monday for me and my mom. I ran some errands yesterday too. My mother calls me and says her allergies are acting up and could I go pick up some Mucinex because she's almost out. I get those and get another call asking if I can come over (next door) and throw away the flowers she had gotten a couple of weeks ago because she thinks that's what is triggering the allergies. I told her to put a bag over them and I will throw them away when I bring her dinner later! Whew, that feels a bit better!

I completely understand Hope - the last thing I want is for the cats to be killed at a shelter, but if it comes down to the cats being outside, causing a population explosion because they're not fixed, spreading disease to other cats because they don't have their shots and aren't receiving medical care when they're sick - so they're miserable anyway, because they're sick all the time, and are not being given shelter in the cold winter months (I'm in Michigan), then the shelter starts to look like a better option. If she's not going to care for them, then at least give them *some* chance at getting a good home, rather than letting them run loose.

Oh my Sallie - hang in there!

I have a whine for today - and this is an ongoing thing with Mom. She is SO darn sedentary! She is fully capable of getting up and walking, but if I am around to fetch and carry for her, she wants me to do it. However...at night, she gets up and walks into the kitchen to get a late night snack when I'm sleeping, and leaves the trash from it for me to find in the morning. So she can go get the stuff, eat it, but not clean up after herself afterwards - but if I'm up and around, she expects me to run and fetch stuff for her. If I get annoyed and say (as I did today), "You know Mom, if you can get up and raid the kitchen at night while I'm sleeping, you can walk in there and get what you want when I'm awake too!" - then I get the little girl whiny voice, pouty face and "I'm sorry, I'll do it myself from now on...." - GUILT TRIP. She's very good at manipulation and the guilt trip.

Susan if she's anything like my mother she'll wait 'til she's a falls risk - THEN you won't be able to turn your back for fear of little forays into the kitchen..!

My whine for today is that my BP SIL gets right up my nose. I emailed all siblings seeking volunteers to take mother away somewhere sunny and safe for a week's vacation. Sister says "nope. Not a chance." Brother 2 hasn't replied at all. Brother 3 - I get a one sentence email back from his address, obviously written by snotty SIL, saying loftily "we will talk to her on Jul 3rd."

Don't think you will, dear. That's the day of her birthday party and she'll have guests to entertain. And since you're not hanging around for much longer than it takes to blow out the birthday cake candles I don't think you'll get far with the conversation.

And ANYWAY what makes her think my mother can wait another THREE WEEKS while she finds a convenient time just to start the discussions? Snotty cow.

Ooo, I feel better now :)

Ack, the siblings, CM....so frustrating sometimes.

Mom is *already* a fall risk - she shuffles when she walks, so the least little thing on the floor - or nothing at all - will make her trip and down she goes. I've managed (knock on wood) to keep those to a minimum - she hasn't fallen since last summer - but it's only because I hover over her every step. I just don't want her to lose mobility completely, because when that happens, she's going to end up having to go to a NH, because I can't lift her.