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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My father with dementia now has two imaginary girlfriends. He cries for one because she does not eat. He tries to feed her his dinner but she won't eat. It's his favorite one because she has blue eyes. The other girlfriend has dark chocolate eyes. He doesn't speak much about her. This is absolutely crazy!!! I feel so sad for my home that has to hear this.. He even told my mom to stop by store to buy flowers and candy for his girlfriends. Geez!
My father with dementia now has two imaginary girlfriends. He cries for one because she does not eat. He tries to feed her his dinner but she won't eat. It's his favorite one because she has blue eyes. The other girlfriend has dark chocolate eyes. He doesn't speak much about her. This is absolutely crazy!!! I feel so sad for my home that has to hear this.. He even told my mom to stop by store to buy flowers and candy for his girlfriends. Geez!
Oh lolasamber, that is so distressing and scary! My heart goes out to you and to your whole family. I hope that having a diagnosis will be at least a little helpful. Is one of the options being considered a dementia care facility?
MIL has been diagnosed with "Frontal Lobe Dementia" . She started having a friend (imaginary to everyone but her) that she talked with on the computer. She and he had intimate conversations and became involved in each others families. She started thinking she was being raped and beaten during the night. Over a very short period of time she just went downhill. She had MRI and they said she has significant deterioration in the frontal lobe of her brain. She is now not eating or drinking because she thinks she's being poisoned. Presently in the hospital but don't know what's next. Really scared for her........................
She actually lives with her daughter who explained to her that these people are not real and told her that she was going to delete the game from her computer. That distressed her so that instead she left the game on the computer but got her several new games to play hoping that it will distract her from Jack. She is almost 90 and been so blessed healthwise. This is so distressing.
My mother in law is convinced that the cartoon characters on her computer card game are actually real people who speak to her, especially Jack. She talked about them all the time and is now distressed because she found out that Jack (who she really likes) beats his kids at night. She has a whole scenario about this cartoon character guy .... his wife, how he's interested in her, that he plays cards during the day for a living, etc. What's going on? Anyone have any ideas?
The behavior that Betsysdaughter1 describes is so similar to what my mom has been doing--and other commenters above from 2010. Entering into her world is usually the only way to calm the agitation. My mom has UTIs from time to time, but the hallucinations continue regardless. The common delusions of children and "aliens" or little people doesn't seem to be a coincidence. One of the doctors told me that Lewy Bodies Dementia has characteristic delusions of this nature. Not that it matters. My mom tried Nemenda after the delusions grew constant, but the delusions were worse after about a month. And she injured herself trying to get to the door to let her "fiance" into the house, requiring stitches, ER, more disorientation, infection, and eventually a lot of vascous ulcers on her legs due to sitting in a wheelchair--poor circulation. There is no fiance, no wedding, no choir, no children. Helping them remain safe is the most important thing to consider, I think. Sometimes sedatives or Serequel or the like have to be prescribed, and sometimes, as in my mom's case, full-time care at a nursing facility is required. She has been having nearly the same delusions since January of 2010. Now she is in hospice for peripheral vascular disease. ----I think drinking water is a good point. Dehydration can cause all kinds of problems, imbalance, and just make all things worse. My mom was hospitalized recently for infection in her leg wounds and they said she was very dehydrated and anemic.
How long has this been going on? Could she possibly have a uti? That is one condition that can cause this type of behavior.
You were very kind to get into her reality and take her seriously. Putting up the light must have been reassuring to her. Too bad it didn't last.
How does she know that those people are illegal? Has she asked to see their papers? :) I wonder if she has read some article or seen some show that she is mixing up in her memory. Are there any nighttime noises that might be triggering this interpretation? For example, does the water heater cycle on later at night? She may be able to hear some frequencies better than others.
Challenging her on their reality probably isn't going to work. She needs to know that you are on her side (as you were with the lights.) I wonder if it would help to point out that these people obviously don't have harmful intentions. They are neat and tidy and clear out their sleeping bags at dawn. You've never seen any trash, beer cans, cigarette butts, etc. in the morning. If they are strangers passing through maybe they don't realize this is private property, etc.
But first I'd check the possibility of some kind of infection, such as a uti. Also try to see that she stays hydrated. (My mother drinks NO water. That's a tough one with some elderly.) Also keep alert for other signs of declining cognition or increasing confusion.
You sound like a loving, caring daughter. You'll make it through this bumpy journey.
At 84, my mother also heard "aliens" in the house--not necessarily illegal. They are small black figures with green flashlights. She called 911 and when the fireman came through the bathroom window and stood at her bedside (she was home alone) she was not frightened and told him about the little people. Two of those calls, and we had to move her to a nursing facility. She also began to hear a choir in the daytime and a man named "Will" was trying to come to see her because he wants to marry her. This last delusion caused her to be very agitated and the aids and I could not keep her safe at home. Thus, the nursing home. She has been there a year now. And Will is still trying to marry her. She is wheelchair bound, cannot walk by herself, and probably not at all these days. She also heard children playing, running water, and music at odd times.
My 82 year old mother "hears" illegal aliens outside her house in the evening.. Funny 'cause she can't even hear us talking across the room. After 4 unwarranted calls to 9-1-1 to "catch them," we installed a motion activated security light outside. That worked for a couple weeks, now she's claiming to hear them again -- this time as they lay down their sleeping bags. She is otherwise reasonable, draws logical conclusions, takes care of herself, pays the bills, etc. But she gets defensive if we challenge her on their existence.
RLP - Good points about oxygen and energy level. I'll have to pay attention to those. She lives alone now but probably not for much longer. I am trying to get her to try senior day care program, at least while I try out a caregiver support group. jbozman - yes, have tried to encourage a cat (although she's a dog person) as they require no walking. thank you and it is very comforting to know "we're all in this together".
My mom sometimes asks who's going to take care of the "little girl who lives with us" whenever we go out. I just tell her she'll be fine, that the dog (yes, we actually HAVE a dog!) will be here to protect her. It's funny.....I know other caregivers whose parents also claim to see a small female child. Who the heck is this kid??!!
When my father entered hospice after a long illness, he was lucid and had most of his cognitive abilities. He also saw and had conversations with his father and would tell me that my grandfather was there. He had a few other instances where he seemed to talk to other people. These incidents seemed to occur when his oxygen stats were low or when he was very tired. My main concerns were his comfort level and dignity. I hope you can talk to a nurse or doctor for more information. I have found that nurses often see more incidents involving their patients than doctors and can be more understanding. God bless you and please do not feel alone in this. RLP
Except my mother wants me to get others involved to "rid" her home and neighborhood of "friends". They bother her although she has never actually seen them in her home, she hears them and knows they are there. I've never had children so very difficult for me. I know to agree but it's when she wants to take it to the "next level" and get others involved, is hard for me to just "go along with it".
She had imaginary friends living under her bed before doctor prescribed meds. Now just Rx'd a mild drug but friends still there and sadly she does not feel safe in her home.
Is your mother taking any meds? My mother started having a very active---and mostly pleasant, to hear her tell it---hallucinatory life when she was prescribed Neurontin for nerve pain from a shingles infection and Celexa for mild depression. She becomes completely convinced, for example, that people are in her room when they're not, and that stuff is floating up to the ceiling of her room and just hanging out there.
yup, i agree with darleen096, my mom acted just like a kid, and her best friend was the president.. he came for dinner every sunday. but she would always think he was. she couldnt tell you the mans name, but she knew him.. i just played along, thats what you do, right? it makes them fell better. its either that, or as they get closer to dying, i think maybe they are talking to people on the other side? maybe.. i think darleens right though.
my grandmother does to sometimes just go with what ever she is say play along with her. just last week she saw little children play I asked her if they were bother her she said no just let them play I said if they bother you let me know and I will send them out to play the Nurse was here, thought I was crazy but that is ok. When they are like this they are just like a kid who has an imaginary friend.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Please keep us informed. Warm hugs to you.
----I think drinking water is a good point. Dehydration can cause all kinds of problems, imbalance, and just make all things worse. My mom was hospitalized recently for infection in her leg wounds and they said she was very dehydrated and anemic.
You were very kind to get into her reality and take her seriously. Putting up the light must have been reassuring to her. Too bad it didn't last.
How does she know that those people are illegal? Has she asked to see their papers? :) I wonder if she has read some article or seen some show that she is mixing up in her memory. Are there any nighttime noises that might be triggering this interpretation? For example, does the water heater cycle on later at night? She may be able to hear some frequencies better than others.
Challenging her on their reality probably isn't going to work. She needs to know that you are on her side (as you were with the lights.) I wonder if it would help to point out that these people obviously don't have harmful intentions. They are neat and tidy and clear out their sleeping bags at dawn. You've never seen any trash, beer cans, cigarette butts, etc. in the morning. If they are strangers passing through maybe they don't realize this is private property, etc.
But first I'd check the possibility of some kind of infection, such as a uti. Also try to see that she stays hydrated. (My mother drinks NO water. That's a tough one with some elderly.) Also keep alert for other signs of declining cognition or increasing confusion.
You sound like a loving, caring daughter. You'll make it through this bumpy journey.
jbozman - yes, have tried to encourage a cat (although she's a dog person) as they require no walking. thank you and it is very comforting to know "we're all in this together".
its either that, or as they get closer to dying, i think maybe they are talking to people on the other side? maybe..
i think darleens right though.