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Thank you all for the beautiful condolences.. I have taken much comfort in them.. and have even read them multiple times some are so comforting.
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KatieKat, I am sorry that your sibs are asking about money. You are the POA and they are not entitled to your parents financial information, period. If they bring it up again you can tell them that you are not in a position to disclose information that violates your moms rights to privacy.

If they say one word about the house and what should have been done tell them I said, "Jog on! You had as much responsibility to take care of that house as Katie did, and since she has been caring for all of your parents solo, you have forfeited your rights to offer one word of criticism. Stop being greedy jerks and start worrying about your mom and sister since it's to late to be of service to your dad. Moms financial status is her business and the POAs business and no one else's. "

Hugs!
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I am so sorry KatieKat, my prayers are with you, and I am so glad he passed peacefully.
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All the best to you during this sad time.
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Katiekay.....im so sorry for the loss of your father. As you stated, he is finally truly free to soar like an eagle, unemcumbered by this physical body that so often betrays us. Take time to grieve, and please seek counseling, whether thru hospice or other. Keeping you in my thoughts.... love and blessings to you and your mom💖
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Katie Kay, I'm so sorry for your loss.

When do you expect them all back from the lake house?

These people are idiots. I just don't know what else to say. Yes, your mother needs fresh air and a change of scene. No, you don't take a traumatised and confused (and probably exhausted) older lady back to a home she hasn't set foot in for five years. Are they stupid? - perhaps better not answer that.

Use the break productively, whether that means just rest and sleep or getting arrangements made, whatever. Is anyone looking after you?
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Katiekay, you wrote "so basically they want me to provide a detailed report of how money is spent to MIA sibs who dont even call and inquire about mom n dad, dont call, dont send cards , gifts, letters...or even texts... dont even ask whether my parents are alive or dead for years at a time."

You tell them exactly that, and then tell them to "F'-Off"! , that you asked for help, they didn't respond or feel any responsibility, and that you were too damn busy and tired to beg anymore, and that you are not responsible for providing them a money report on Mom and Dad's funds, as that is private information and that You are their POA, not them!

What they are doing is plain and simple "the blame game", because they are Guilty of being A**holes, and are trying to shift the blame on you.

Do not be taken in by them, what they are doing is Wrong, and it will eventually bite them in the A**. I believe it is all coming down to money, as they fear their supposed "inheritance" might be affected. It's all Crazy talk, so don't pay Any attention to it. Nobody is guaranteed an Inheritance, and most of us will never see one. You have been doing this our of Love, where were they, oh that's right, Absent! Again, F'-Off!

Can you tell this makes my blood boil, Lol!? Yes, we had deadbeat family members too! Got to love it! Not!

I hope you can find Some rest it today, now that they have taken Mother for a drive, which was stupid, but let them figure it out. I just hope that they don't get up to any banking/ lawyer shenanigans, so be on the lookout for that type of BS.

As for the "readiness" of the lake house, don't feel guilty, as you had No Time to deal with that, Where Were They, that they couldn't stop up and take care of it, Uhhuh, their heads were up their selfish butts! Not your problem, you had enough to do!

Take care, and come back often for friendship and support! Hugs!
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katiekay, I just read your questions and some of the answers. I've been busy with my aunt's and BIL deaths, and one funeral.  But I am so sorry for your loss.  Your Dad may be at peace, but the loss will hit you in waves.  You must also be pre-grieving your Mom's losses, and worried about her.  Then there's the loss of siblings, and trying to deal with their insanity. I find that people who are able to make us feel miserable are feeling that way themselves, but pushing it on others instead of doing what they need to grow up.  I have to remember that as I now go through planning the ash dispersal and setting the plaque next to her husband's.  I was questioned by family about why Rose was on palliative care and not in the ER.  Luckily, she had filled out her requests on her advanced directive early.  Hang in there, take care of yourself, be with caring people as much as possible.  Caregiver groups and/or grievance groups are very helpful.  I wish you well.  (((HUGS)))
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My step dad passed 4/19 after dementia , 3 strokes , PEG tube , 8 mo in a nursing home trapped in a mind and body of torture . My mom , with dementia, everyday thinking he is going to get better and come home . Prayers for you and your family . Thankful that our dads have peace . Preparing for the battle of moms final years and dementia progression .
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Katie
So sorry for your loss these MIA sibs and their partners. Why don’t you have a round table discussion and just let all the anger and hurt out. Do it in a public place and if possible, take a friend with you. That way they will be less inclined to mess with you if a third party is observing

just tell them what you think of them. Write things down. Tell them to bug*er off and NO. They will be getting no breakdown of expenses. Exert your POA for you mother over them. Restrict their visits. Tell them to go back home

they smell blood in the water. They are worried that they are going to miss out on $$$$$. Your father has passed so they are thinking your mother may be not far behind. I know these types and how they think.

They are are taking advantage of your grief and exhaustion. Put your foot down and get rid of them to refuel your batteries.

You owe owe them nothing. Remember. Take your devotion and care you put towards your father and now your mother and turn it into strength and armour.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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