Well, she has been on this kick for 3 weeks. She already had $300.00 stolen that she insisted on having in her purse. She is of sound mind, if you can call it that. So, we can't pass off some fake necklaces as real. She wants a certain jewelry box from her home, which she knows we moved for safe keeping. Have any of you just gave up and given in? I have told her "No." Now, her POA is going to tell her that the facility won't allow her to have expensive stuff there. it is always something.
Some facilities have it worded in the admissions papers they're not responsible for missing and/or damaged items.
My MIL actually gave most of the females in the family her jewelry when we gathered for their 60th wedding anniversary. I think her dementia was already manifesting itself but FIL was fine with it and everything stayed in the family
As for the person who gave aide the necklace.... yes you can get it back they aide should never have accepted it! I will take a piece of candy or cookie and such but NEVER a gift. If the resident insists then I take it turn around and take it to my boss and she calls the family for approval but it is frowned upon and as you see causes trouble.
Although she greatly misses her watch and ring I tell her only for special occasions and then I take it home - she has a cheap watch for everyday which is easy to replace
Check out thrift stores for costume jewelry. You can find some lovely big, colorful pieces. Brooches are great because we can pin them on jackets, coats, hats, scarves, whatever. Find some new pieces and she'll make new conversation.
There's online forums about vintage costume jewelry. Etsy is another great source. I've bought interesting pieces for as little as $3 - $4, as well as beautiful new handmade ones for $16.
Gems are not for that kind of living arrangement. It's not safe. It puts parents at risk of being identified as targets of more crime. And not just by staff but by any outsider or visitor. I think common sense safety practices are called for.
But I also agree they are are high-risk of theft if they are brought into a care center where many of the residents no longer have social filters that let the knowledge of right and wrong guide them.
Here is a thought. Might not work at all, but might be worth considering, or it might trigger some other solution for you.
Bring in the valuable items, perhaps one at a time. Take a picture of Mother wearing it. Look through family archives and see if you can find an older picture of her wearing it. Take a picture of it on a piece of velvet or another nice background. Interview Mother about when she got it and any stories associated with it. Take it home for safe keeping and repeat with another great piece of jewelry.
When you are done. make an awesome picture book showing every lovely item and the stories that go with them. There are several companies that have very easy online applications to create these books. Mom can proudly look at these as often as she wishes. If it happens to to missing, you can have another one printed.
While you are doing the project, Mother might like to talk about what she wants done with this jewelry. Should it be sold and be dispensed as part of her estate? Are there certain pieces she would like certain people to have? That should definitely not be the main point of these conversations, but it would give her an opportunity if she'd like to think and talk about this.
I had a box of "baby" souvenirs in my basement for decades. I decided I really didn't need that smelly cigar or various other items on hand. I took good pictures of every item. I still have the reminders, but not the items themselves.
I have a collection of glassware that I am trying to talk myself into disposing of (knowing that none of my kids want it). I plan to have a picture book or the entire collection, with stories about how I found things, etc.
A picture may not have the monetary value of a brooch, but it can be a nice sentimental talisman.
Also, do you ever take Mother on outings? To a restaurant or family gathering? Perhaps part of that event could be selecting the jewelry she wants to wear for that event.
I would speak to the aide first, she may not realize it is more than inexpensive costume jewelry.
If your mother has dementia and has lost legal capacity - i.e. did not understand what she was doing - then the same applies except that you can leave it to the NH to deal with it and insist that the item is returned.
In any case, do your best to ensure that no blame is levelled at the aide. She no doubt accepted the gift in good faith, she just needs to understand that this kind of thing can look very bad indeed.
Sometimes she forgets that I have her jewelry. One day she specifically asked about her pearls, the ones my dad gave her years ago. So the next time I visited her I took her pearls. Now she doesn't know where they are because she hides things in her room and then forgets where she put them! I haven't found them yet either but I'm sure they're in her room somewhere! On one level she understands she's doing this and she said, "It's really bad when you're both paranoid and forgetful!" How funny yet true!
She doesn't have her jewelry box and I hope that she doesn't keep insisting. Her stuff is perfectly secure at her grandson's. He is 51 YO and is trustworthy.
I did ask my dad for his wedding rings when he moved in. He had his wedding band and his grandfathers wedding band. I told dad how much they meant to me and he decided to let me have them right then. That is probably the most valuable (monetarily and sentimentally) that he had... other than his paintings (he is an artist). But I am hoping if someone tries to steal his paintings, we will catch them on camera as they leave the building.
So I pass the warning along.
And I hope the person who stole it --Oh forget it--they have the worse end of things because they have to live with a thief(themselves) and I don't.
My dad keeps a little cash with him and I've never heard of any (intentional) theft at his place. Sometimes people have lost or misplaced their stuff, or someone may accidentally walk off with another persons items. Perhaps we have just been lucky.