The Executive Director of the memory care never sent a note, a card, an email or otherwise acknowledged her death even when I saw him at the Care unit following her death. He barely grunted hello to me. I sent him an email saying how disappointed I was by his behavior but he never replied.
Has anyone else run into this or am I dealing with the Autism spectrum here?
and then he roughly pulled her eyelids up and said" theres no life in those eyes" and went on to say "listen to her breathing, thats death rattle"
He had me in tears. Then he tried to make me feel guilty for going home when I had just got through spending the night with my Mom. Unfortunately for me I'll never forget this incident. He however probably just got into his BMW and happily drove off to his mansion not giving it a second thought.
Thats why I called him to task.
But I had no problem speaking up to his awful MD at the hospital when he was dying, twice I had to ask him to step out into the hallway because he was talking about my father like he wasn't in the room.
The first time I was polite, the second time I wasn't.
Doctors are no better than the rest of us, some are great, some aren't.
From what the OP wrote they knew this man fairly well. He wasn't a bean counter, that's the accountant/bookkeeper...sigh.
I met the surgeon once, I was touched that he took the time to do this. I was trying to point out that hearing from someone after you lose your loved one helps. So no I wouldn't have been annoyed if I didn't hear from him, I wasn't expecting to hear from him. The point was hearing from people, just a note, a card, a phone call can mean the world to someone while they're dealing with their grief.....silence is deafening, especially when it is from someone you expect some type of response from.
It was very rude of this man to treat the OP like that, and than ignore her email.
Sorry for your loss, but it was quite rude of you to say what you did to the OP. It mattered to her, this man knew her, and her mother, and also got a nice chunk of change out them which helps pay for his salary.
No it wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't. I wouldn't have complained or said anything but it made us feel better that he did.
The assisted living place where he lived were very kind and helpful as we closed up his apartment and the staff at memory care facility where my Mom lives and Dad visited frequently all acknowledged our loss when they saw us and even shed a few tears with us. Not all are callous. That said had they not I wouldn't have called or emailed them about it.
If I can complain about someone who works in the service industry and isn't responsible for my Mom's health and well being I certainly don't have any qualms about complaining about doctors and other health care workers.
Maybe if everybody called them to task now and then they wouldn't get away with being insensitive.
Let me ask you this: if you HADN'T gotten that lovely note from your dad's surgeon, would you have been insulted? Written him an email and taken him to task?
When someone is living at AL or in a NH the family gets to know the staff. To not say anything was rude and classless. Especially after the OP sent an email saying how disappointed she was, that gave him an opportunity to reverse this, which he didn't do, tacky and low class.
I received a handwritten note from a surgeon who only saw my dad a few times and performed minor surgery on him. My dad had a very good sense of humor, and this doctor took a liking to him.
The note forwarded to my new address on the other side of the country, I wept when I got it. To think a busy man like this took the time to do this and thought of my father moved me to tears. I called the office and told the woman who answered to please tell the doctor how moved I was.
That is why it matters.
When I was sitting at my Mom's bedside shortly before she died there was one nice nurse who sat with me part of the night and just listened quietly while I talked about my Mom and how she had been when she was younger.
She was so nice and kind. I said to her "I guess after a while one patient is like any other" She replied "when I start to feel that way its time for a new profession"
Maybe doctors, hospice workers and the like should all be trained to take a break occasionally and do other types of medical just so they don't risk being jaded.
Freqflyer, that was a dumb thing for you to say.
Gershun, sorry you went through that.
I remember when my mom passed(she was in hospice and we had just left her less than 2 hours before) I answered the phone and a woman who didn't identify herself asked if I was the husband or the son, I said the son and she said "this is Debbie from hospice your mother is dead", didn't even know who Debbie was.
Very cold, some people don't belong in this field.
Sorry to everyone for your losses.
Nice huh?
And no condolence letter. Nothing.
My Mom was one of the most pleasant, kind residents they had there and yet they didn't acknowledge her death at all.
My sisters were very upset with him and still are. I never cared for the man at all and just considered him a write off. His sympathy was not important to me.