she has stayed in bed since 1994...Sold my home in 2008 and moved in with her. I am careful not to contribute to her depression. Getting her to bathe is a battle, and getting her to let me help with her finances. She does not want anyone to help her but me, her only daughter... anyone understand? She is 76
at that age i had no idea i was enabling her, but i was. she is co-dependant, monumentally narcissitic, but i was her enabler. i know this is a hard, harsh thing to say but ....stop doing everything for her. while someone else is her buffer there is no need to get better. while she can emotionally blackmail you into doing everything for her, there is no incentive to change her life.
much love, sorry if this is harsh. :-(
In the meantime... be sure you are staying healthy and getting respite. If you find yourself burning out quickly after a respite break, seek help for yourself.
Too little is given to family caregivers. We need more support.
Sorry to point this out, but you are ENABLING her, not contribuing to her depression. But when a loved one is depressed, what they need, sometimes, is someone to help them take the baby steps to start to climb out of the depression.
I'm concerned about you. You've given a very long time to her and she's totally dependent on you. What if your health deteriorates? I'm afraid you'll have a battle to try to get her to accept the assistance of others, but it may be worth the effort to try to gradually work in some help.
I hope she sees her doctor regularly. She should likely be getting psychotherapy, as well. Hard to do if someone refuses.
Do try to take care of yourself, and please check back with us.
Carol