Time flew by this year. It seems so fresh in my mind and I can't get the picture of her last days out of my head. Now I am looking back and wishing I had been more understanding, more accommodating, held her hand more and tried harder to make her laugh and smile. But she was so difficult up until the last 3 months, it was hard. I miss her more now than I did a year ago. My sister and I are now the "oldest generation". All parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents gone. Now I am unhealthily focused on the fact I will be my mother in a few years. I can already identify with some of her complaints. I find myself slumping, aching and getting tired when I do anything physical. So I feel like I am walking at least 1/4 mile in her shoes and I understand now what I didn't understand well over the past 20 years.
Good luck to you!
My deepest condolences on the passing of your mother. I can relate to so much of what you wrote about. Me too. It seems surreal my father passed away. I'm like you thinking about the last days of his life. Wishing I was kinder and gentler with him. Wishing I had more patience. It was a terrible situation. I was worn down and had so much anger and resentment about being responsible for all his care.
Everyone keeps telling me it will just take more time. And sometimes people think I should be relieved I don't have to have do anything anymore. I can finally have a life. But I miss my old one. The one where I had my dad. I'm so sad I had taken him for granted.
One grief counselor suggested instead of focusing on his last days. I should go back and think about some of the happier or funnier moments in the relationship. I thought about my dad teaching me how to ride a bike. My dad picking me up from school or work. Or being proud I had learned to drive. I was so fortunate to have a good dad. I shouldn't let the last painful days define our whole relationship.
Grief is a terrible journey. I still wish I never had to experience it. I wanted my dad to be 100.
But I'm going to do as Sunnygirl suggested and try to do some random acts of kindness. And remember if we are fortunate to live a long life, that people will spare us some of their time and kindness.
AmyGrace your parents were so lucky to have you. Only a kind, caring and thoughtful daughter would still ask these questions one year later. We cared deeply and our grief journey will be longer. Take care.
Aging requires a lot of courage and stamina. I'm feeling it, that's for sure. What I've decided to do is to try to share as much as I can with others right now. Just trying to give that extra smile to a senior, send a thinking of you card with a sweet note, or offer to take a senior to visit someone or out to lunch.(You'd be surprised at how many of my parent's friends who have adult children nearby, but can't get them to do ONE thing for them.) I hope that little things will bring them some sunshine.
The only time I noticed that I missed my Mom was this passed Christmas season as Mom so enjoyed the holidays and birthdays. Buying special greeting cards was limited this past season since my Mom, then my ex-mother-in-law, and my Dad had passed. It just felt so strange needing to bypass those sections in Hallmark :(
I know the feeling about feeling like my age. When tending to my elderly cat who was having trouble walking so I had to carry her about, my gosh I could barely pick her up and stand up straight. My age was showing. The cat now, even with her limitations, has learned how to walk again, even though she is terribly ungraceful she does get from point A to B. She has figured out how to do other things on her own. My gosh, in people years she is probably 100 and nothing is going to stop her now. I need to learn from her !!