I have noticed that I do not feel as "sharp" or "smart" as I used to before I became a caregiver. I can only compare this to the mommy brain that I had when my children were both infants. When I am in a social situation lately I am at a loss for conversation. This is distressing to me because I look so forward to getting out and being around non-demented people and then when I am there I have nothing to say and feel out of place. I feel that people avoid me because of my situation. I may be sensitive but there are others out there who have a great amount of guilt about not taking care of their elderly parents and I think they feel awkward around me also. Being in the situation of having a low level stress at all times makes my mind simple. I read crappy magazines and watch dumbed down TV just like my Mom. I know there are gifts that go along with the difficult task of taking care of our elders and I appreciate those. I just do not want to become an empty shell with no personality.
I'm glad they don't give words like "this too of." How could you visualize that? :/
Those bar codes can make it tough for me to shop because Mom doesn't understand that manufacturers when they make even the slightest change to said product, such as the packaging, they will throw on a brand new bar code.... yes, Mom, it is the same product, but later she will claim the product taste funny..... [sigh]
I'm just posting to advise that assisted living helps in that it gives you more time but it's not a cure-all, at least not for me. It simply gives her more things to criticize. She was a great mother and so I feel I have to be great to her in return, with thankfulness. The guilt is unbearable if I don't address every demand she makes. What a hard time this is. I understand you all and am grateful for this board.
I also find I talk to back to commentators on TV on the pretense of having an intelligent conversation.
The insanity worries me a bit but if they put me away I'll have a wide range of topics to discuss with "my caregivers".
My brain is screaming enough already, can't handle any more stuff.
And how I wish this website would let us edit our post after we had posted it. I will read one of my postings long after the fact and think what in the world was I thinking as my grammar was way off. If only I could sneak back into the post to fix it.
working on keeping in touch with her.... maybe become a care coordinator?? ( See I just had to look up how to spell that) lol !!! I said great! just don't send me to someones house...
I try to keep in touch with friends but.. its hard as they can come and go places and I cant cant leave mom along for more than an hour or so. Im resentful as hell !!! Im so out of touch with everything. I cant even hold a normal conversation about anything of importance .. it seems.
I seem to keep going back to " well My mother....."
Im out of touch with the new music forgetting how to spell....but, Im getting a little better at Jeopardy and wheel of fortune
Id go to a friends house just across town ( well used to ) I started becoming jealous of her clean,organized house, nice patio. and surround sound house of music. Sounds childish I I know but she can play it as loud as she wants..
Its boring at my house. quiet all the time..not a fun place hard to invite people over just for a glass of wine after mom goes to bed.. they aren't comfortable.
I tried alittle last summer with a few people but, Id get called away by mom for the commode,, Id hear them laughing on the deck. and feel left out when I came back.. It wasn't fun for me.. I had to stop . just found my self getting jealous and angry. I even tried dating !.. he was very understanding about Mom even brought her donuts ,, but it wasn't fun to sit on couch and mom in the wheel chair watching jeopardy every night....so that come to and end... when my friend started inviting him over to help fix something then she'd ask him to stay.. he always said it was fun going to her house ( which began making me jealous and insecure,
He still comes by to help me remove snow or bring mom a donut but the days of him coming over every weekend for dinner are over... I really enjoyed cooking( something I love to do ) for someone other than mom food..
again I feel left out and alone.......
I am obsessing too much thinking I have lost some brain cells, that I might have dementia already. I have to stop and think of the more current times this week with another co-worker where I was helping her learn a software program where I find I still feel smart :) The program was distracting me and I was able to concentrate.