Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
My brother is an idiot!
Yes, he did and the stupid a** did not bother to tell me that he kept his past life a secret so when the man asked me why hadn’t he ever married or had kids I was completely thrown off guard. I didn’t cover for him. I was disgusted by his behavior.
That is why I said, “What are you talking about? He has two ex wives and kids and stepchildren. His kids and stepchildren want nothing to do with him. I don’t blame them.
Very true. It can go either way. Depending on which direction a person goes. If they follow the familiar frame of reference then the cycle continues. I was fortunate to have broken the cycle. Glad you did too.
My brother drinks a lot. I am not judging him. I don’t have a problem with social drinking. In his case, I feel like he is trying to drown his emptiness and sorrows.
I am not a boozer. I have been sad in my life but I am not anything like him or my oldest brother who died. He relied on drugs. I guess I saw the destruction that drugs and excessive booze did to their lives and I didn’t want to do that.
Some people get caught up in that but are able to find their way out. Maybe one day he will decide to stop drinking. I hope so. We are not close and we are too different to be close to one another but I don’t hate him. I don’t hate anyone. I suppose at this point I feel indifferent towards him. Does that make sense?
It’s interesting because some people feel like just because people are related they should always love and respect each other. Doesn’t always want out that way.
Oh I used to see on facebook "woe is me my ex wont let me see my kids". Usually after he'd stopped child support because he had no money. Then he'd forget about it.
I remember once his ex moved away and he didnt know where. Dad asked me to help him (why did I agree?). So I found out you could basically get a form from the court to find her - cost £200.
Brother said nah can't afford it and forgot about it. Dad agreed with him that "he can't afford £200". £200 is probably just over a days pay for brother and probably 2 nights out on the beer for him . Priorities eh?
Yes, my brothers always blame others. It would never occur to them that they are capable of making mistakes. It’s sad, really. They caused their own grief but can’t see it. Or else, they refuse to see it. Who knows what makes them like they are?
Absolute sense... For me I think it has gone way beyond indifference. OB is NOT welcome in my presence, ever again. He lives 2 days drive from here and can stay there. I could overlook (and joke about) his childhood abuse of me (I was his first birthday present, not what he wanted!), but when he does this as a 60+ yo? Nope. Done. I no longer have an OB. YB has issues as well. Not abusive, but he's just sometimes not all there. Until mom passes, he still has a tentative link, but once she is gone, I really have no use for him either.
"It’s interesting because some people feel like just because people are related they should always love and respect each other. Doesn’t always work out that way."
If anything, it is more likely the opposite! As the saying goes, you can pick your nose and you can pick your seat, but you can't pick your family! (birth family that is.)
Yes, As you can see I am not close to my brothers. God knows, I tried to achieve a healthy relationship.
No matter how much we may like the idea of a ‘fairytale’ ending, it certainly doesn’t work out that way for everyone. I am happy for families who have circumstances that allow for healing.
Unfortunately, in my case I don’t feel like there will ever be a restoration of a relationship. I began to realize that there were only moments of happiness, nothing more. The kindest thing that they can do for me is to simply allow me to live the rest of my days in peace.
Restoration requires a solid foundation to build upon and I don’t have that in my relationship with my brothers.
I appreciate that you seem to have a clear understanding of your situation with your brothers.
That is true. A person has to be humble to request help. It’s arrogant to be demanding, fits his style more. Yep! You’re right.
Sad, isn’t it? I suppose they will never see themselves as others see them. It is a sense of entitlement that they feel.
She eats up new young staff by befriending them, buying them a coffee, bringing them home cooked treats for morning tea, as she dumps more & more workload on them. Each new staff member takes it, then wakes up, firms up & pushes back. Then she moves on to a fresher victim.
I treat her very black & white. Oh you are busy? Yeees. This needs doing? Hmm. All that? Riiiight. I make no actually steps to help her unless she actually says "could you please help me?" Like a normal polite human being. Then I consider it. She occused me if of ignoring her. I explained but she didn't get my view. She needs help - everyone must provide it - that's how she saw it.
So the Boss sits us down. Explains that her current style of communication was lacking clarity & she needed to improve it. That 'assuming' everyone would help her because she wished it was just causing her frustration. That trying to slide her responsibilities onto others was making her look like a bully & was not team spirited.
Some people are just like this & cannot see that it is selfish & entitled.
She old enough to retire but just won't. Says she'd be lonely. Says she won't know what to do as "you have kids so they can look after you" but hers won't (one moves around in the army, the other lives on a farm miles away - smart kids).
Very smart kids!
1. We're all fit and well.
2. Wifes knee is getting better every day.
3. I'm still working and we're both getting full pay.
4. The kids haven't throttled each other yet.
5. It is (SLOWLY) sinking in with Dad and hes not gone full tilt (yet!)
Have a look for Pontypridd too. Its north of Cardiff. This is my hometown and where Dad lives....
"O" Sound? I know we have some funny sounds particularly in the welsh language inc place names (The "LL" sound is the best) Like in Llanelli. English can never do it.
But you remembered today! One day at a time... SGN!!!!
1) I WAS doing 1/2 (or more) of the workload**
2) Our latest employee was doing 1/4
3) The 2 clowns were doing 1/8th each AND making most of the mistakes!
The newest employee, a Chinese woman from Thailand, was only given a week of training and a week of doing actual work (normally it is 2-3 months of training) before I went out on maternity leave. I told her I wasn't looking for speed, just accuracy and someone doing the work because it was a matter of time before I would be out! The sidekick newbie got her months of training and was still making too many errors on too little work, but we needed someone working, even if it meant redoing stuff, so she went "live".
So, back to my checking the work. I tried to be diplomatic and just make note that there were errors being made, all of us, myself included, and to be aware/careful. Mrs Wanttohavefun pipes up and states "I don't make mistakes." I repeated what I said and she repeated her statement. I really wanted to grab her shirt and shake the living daylights out of her and say you make more FN mistakes than anyone else in here and I can PROVE it! Today, maybe (minus the 'touching'.) Back then, just rolled my eyes, sat down and went back to work.
Her and her sidekick only did about 700 lines/day (should be 1000+) and made the most mistakes. Too many mistakes. On top of that, they would 'cherry pick', choosing the sheets that had a lot of duplication, which the formats would handle for you, making the work EASY! I would purposely take those where every line was different, yet I was doing about 2000 lines/day (error rate for me was maybe 2 out of that 2000.)
After they decided to jump all over me one day and make all kinds of useless noise, I requested another job. Managed to get moved to the computer room and never looked back. *SHE was made, temporarily, lead, but couldn't manage the position! This is a person who after years of doing this work still couldn't start her machine up in the morning without her notes. She didn't last as lead.
She came to me one time asking me if I could teach her how I would fix a bad tape (this was key to cassette, back in the dark ages of computing!) I said no. Basically this was NOT part of the job AND there would be no way to teach HER how to do this. When a tape was being updated, sometimes it would get jammed (feeding tape without stopping, like cassettes will do.) I would take it apart, smooth it out as best I could, copy tape to tape up to that point, manually enter the data (no format goes on the tape, just the data, so spacing is important), let it write to the new tape, and then proceed on. Complicated for someone with no brains or technical ability. I did it because it was easier and less time than finding the batch sheets and reentering everything! This is when I came up with 'Necessity isn't the mother of invention, laziness is!!'
**On top of the 2000, I had to covert cassette to mag tape and do online entry as well, so def I did more than 1/2 the work.
They are out there, everywhere. That one or two in the bunch who make life miserable - just try to avoid/stay away from them.
Forgot to add that we worked in an old mill building, at the end of the hall, in a little closed off area, probably used for storage at one time. Given the brick walls, interior and exterior, cement floor in there, etc, and an open door, the sound carried down the hall, WAY down the hall. Walking back I could often hear them yakking and laughing quite a ways down, as could other employees. I asked that they keep it down - you get all the work done and want to quietly sit and chat, fine. A little chit chat while working is okay, so long as it doesn't slow you down or cause errors, but this was ridiculous! Nope, this was one of the "not having fun" complaints. Good god, this is why it is called WORK, not PLAY!
I do believe this type of attitude has spread considerably, like this virus, over the many intervening years. Too many think they are god's gift to whatever they do (and most are anything but!) and feel they are entitled to praise, raise and lotsa ATTABOY's (sound like anyone we all know here in the US????) I always try to make a point to thank anyone who does a really good job, some who have gone above and beyond the norm, AND ask if I can provide feedback to their management.
Ok, so MY SGN for today:
Chewy, where I order my cat supplies, went SUPER crazy just after all the TP disappeared. Trying to get my regular orders (autoship) for this month was a HUGE challenge! Just barely managed to get everything needed over the course of a month (I have 4 autoships, 10 cats to worry about!) Stuff is still showing up as Out of Stock periodically, but it is getting better.
The GOOD part? We long-time autoship customers are getting our items stored in a separate area of the warehouses, to ensure WE get taken care of! WOO HOO FOR CHEWY!!!! I sent them several NICE emails to THANK THEM and suggest they should all get a month (or more) paid time off after all this settles down!
MORE SGN from EVERYONE!!!
Given this lock down will continue for a while, keep working on tuning out and saying No. Just NO, end of statement, when needed. Otherwise, Umm Hmm, Really? 'Zat so? Wow! Ooops, teakettle's boiling over, Gotta go, later!
AND, the big part - DON'T slip back into the old habits after the worst is over. Maybe stop in twice/month with supplies (if you WANT to, not because he demands), occasional phone calls, etc. You're getting a really good chance to hone your skills now!!! He probably will ramp up, if not now, then certainly after some kind of OllyOllyOxenFree is given. So, hone skills, batten the hatches and keep the walls/shields up and strong!
Hes been moaning for about a week that hes SO ill. Sounded like hayfever to me. Dad - "buy some hayfever tablets" (they're like £1 a box).
Didn't want to spend any money so didn't bother. Today hes called the doctor whos given him........hayfever tablets (the same ones you can buy in the shop for a £1)...... BUT his answer "why should I pay for them?"
(In wales - not england - all prescriptions are totally free).
Guy I work with. Elderly mother same age as my Dad. Fell ill. Hospital Thursday, dead Saturday. Tested positive for COVID.
Dad is fine. Wasting everyones time, moaning, and STILL more interested in saving money. Honestly, sometimes I just look at him....
Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
You will know he's mine
Ah, chasing the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go, then I promise to
Show you a photograph
Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be
(repeat all)
Ah, chasing the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go, then I'll promise to
Show you a photograph
A little photograph, A little photograph, Up to Abergavenny!
PS got there just before the edit ran out. Have a look at this old version. Even your Dad might like it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VwRgd_Koj8
(I was born in 68). Thats amazing.....
Yes the National Lido for Wales is in Pontypridd. Alas, it got flooded a month or so ago and is closed anyway for about a year....
Not the most forward thinking place. It never changes to be honest. Used to be an important town in the days of Coal and Steel but, thats all gone.
Cardiff is 12 miles away though. I read somewhere that something like 80% of the working population of both Pontypridd and Rhondda Valleys (River Rhondda joins the River Taff at Pontypridd) actually work in places like Cardiff.
Now when I retire I'd like to move "back up the Valleys". Cheaper houses, quieter. But NOT Pontypridd!
Known for beef, the AF people kept yakking up that - in 5 days there, the only live animal I saw was a bunny rabbit along the fence outside my accommodations... Not even birds!!!
The 'highlight' of the trip was heading out of the base the first day they had some kind of lockdown... Great sitting in your car watching them walking around with BIG guns!!! There's no place like home... there's no place like home!!!!
Even funnier, I was not a good choice - there are several check points to get through on top of the entry gate. I had just switched from sub-contract to primary employee. When signing into the computer room, the person checking asked what my security clearance was. I stopped, looked up and gave him the 0 sign... They hadn't done that yet. He was not a happy camper - our system was not only in the computer room, but in the super-secret part of the computer room!!! They let me in to do what I had to do and had to stay with me all the time. At one point, one person asked that the monitor to my left be turned off - without even looking at it, I was able to press the off button. I then told the person I don't even want to be here, I just want to figure out what the issue is and get OUT! A few times they had to escort me out of that little room, when secret messages were incoming.. FUN stuff!
The person who SHOULD have gone, figured it out later and they were going to send me back... UGH. That Friday, my son broke a bone in his foot. I was to go Monday - I called the project manager on Saturday and told him I can't go, then told my son extra $50 for Xmas that year!!!
Already confirmed, but I didn't think he was old enough for that 'era'! Although a bit older, I wasn't even old enough for the 'Flower Child' movement... Not familiar with either of those songs...
Australia has a lot of ‘Grey Nomads’, retirees who take the caravan up north during the southern winter. 'Snow Birds' in US speak. Alice Springs (where we ought to be right now if we could travel) has a radio station designed for them, constantly playing songs that you have to have reached the dignity of 65+ to appreciate. It plays ‘Abergavenny’ quite often. Also ‘Purple People Eater’, ‘Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’, ‘The Pub With No Beer’ (an Australian heritage item), etc etc. We keep our history alive down here! Dad might enjoy it!
Old Billy the Blacksmith, the first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober to his darling wife.
He walks in the kitchen, she says ‘You’re early my dear’.
Then he breaks down and tells her (sob): ‘The Pub’s got no beer’.
Love it!