People don't realize what it involves with taking care of an elderly parent. It's life changing......it's almost like a curse.......it's terrible. I have no time for myself......had to quit my job......have siblings that won't help.........my mother is in terrible condition......eyes, heart and arthritis. She is always constipated and wants milk of mag all the time. I feel like I'm trapped......no time to do anything myself. When a parent gets old....it's terrible......life is terrible.
If we don't take care of the parent, and they have the option of hiring help to keep them living independently....is that such a bad thing? If they have money to live in assisted living is that such a bad thing? It's not like we can't be involved to make sure they are getting quality care. Or is it that the idea of strangers caring for our loved ones in and of itself is deep down offensive, a betrayal...of family values, family expectations, societal expectations, expectations of ourselves?
On getting a job, you have one, as do I. I was fortunate to have one sibling help on alternating weekends for the first five months of this. Then weekends while trying to work her job became too much for her. Yet she expects me to get a job when I am here seven days, twenty-four hours, with about 30 hours with mom in a day program. That still leaves 138 hours each week. How many would do this? Just overtime over the course of a year, with 30 hours of other help, is 7,176 hours a year, 5,000 hours would be overtime. At time and a half at a $12.00/hour rate, is more than $91,000.00 dollars in one year. To say nothing of no benefits for two weeks paid vacation, health and disability insurance provided by many jobs.
I can handle most of the caregiving, but the poop is driving me nuts!!!!!
And yes, people tell me I'm sooooo lucky I still have my 92 year-old mom who has dementia, refuses to walk, complains all the time, accuses my sibs and I of stealing from her, panics if someone from outside the family comes into the house - I could go on and on, so I won't. Lucky? I think not.
what would be wonderful is if we didn't have to be in the position to vent, lol!!! Yes we should be very proud of ourselves Thank you for that!
HOOYAA! I am a Momma Marine!!!
not! lol!!!
Now, if we are as unfortunate as to not having choices... bad luck
It is mindboggling to me the selfishness I have learned in not only family but "so called" friends as well... as family is no more in our life, in my case, All I have are friends and I have to adjust and accept or I will have no friends, it is not their burden, but I just hate the false "lemme know if there is anything I can do" and then when you finally break down and ask, they are too busy getting their nails done or???? . Family is another story tho...they are the ones who are "supposed to" be there! and that's why we feel so disappointed!!
It is hurtful to us who cant afford help and would cut off an arm to have help, to see you reject the thought of what we pray for...
AND AGAIN NO DISRESPECT BUT JUST TOUGH LOVE- YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR PITYPOT!!!! SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE AND GET SOME DAMN HELP OR SHUT THE F UP! ASK US HOW TO GET PAST THE FEARS YOU HAVE NOT REJECT EVERY IDENTICAL PIECE OF ADVICE!! IT IS DISRESPECTFUL...I KNOW YOU ARE HURTING BUT WE ALL ARE!!!!
In the words of "Fez"-GOOD DAY!
Juju, I know you mean well but ...not everyone is like you or like this person or that. Their situations are also different. Roscoe is doing what he's doing because it's something that he can live with. He KNOWS that he does not want to put his mom in NH or caregivers to come over. This is his choice. Give him options with the paramenters that he wants.
Roscoe, you do need help. You cannot handle your mom all by yourself. Your mom will continue to get worse and you continue to get more and more exhausted. Something has to give and it will be you. Father was the main caregiver for mom while I worked fulltime and took over when I got home. We've been caregiving mom for 24years. 2 years ago, the toll of being the main caregiver visited father. He had a stroke during the day. It was a very good thing that the govt caregivers came because they found him slouched on the recliner. They called 911. He is now bedridden. If you continue as you are, I fear you will have a stroke. You can do what father did all these years. He, too, did NOT trust anyone with mom. We've had these govt caregivers for over 13 years. They come like 4 x week for 1 hour to do whatever we want - light housekeeping, bathing mom, laundry, etc...While they are here, father is here. He talks to them, etc... Perhaps you can do the same? Find a program in which someone comes over to your home and help you with your mom - even if it's just to bathe/shower her, or cut her hair or talk, etc..This is what we call: Respite for Caregivers.
Anything expensive in the house - hide it in a room. Lock it inside. Put it away before they come to visit. But, I guaranty this to you, keep on doing the caregiving by yourself with no respite, and you will end up like father with a stroke, heart attack or even worse, death. Up to you....
ROSCOE... has stated he has all the money he needs to do whatever he would like...he has made it more than abundantly clear that he will in no uncertain terms pay for care...in home or out. so he is in a no win situation unless he can change his thought process.... so i think we all need to be careful before we post!!
You can drag a horse to the drinking trough. But you cannot force it to drink. The same applies to Roscoe. You All can post to him until you're all blue in the face and be all frustrated because he's not going to budge. No Strangers in the House! That's his decision. Time to move on to someone, like you and me and others - who are willing to move forward despite how uncomfortable or scary it is.
Ao amen book...in the end we are in agreement! and next time yes I will not even try....I will remember NEVER try to reason with unreasonable people!
And someone can think who am I to be new here and just be a know it all...I may be new here...but I am not new to the misery pain and plight...and have survived it on my own... SO THE WAY I LOOK AT IT I AM GOOD DAMN TIGER WHO HAS EARNED HER STRIPES! I am not naïve bout that just how to process this new found relief
I shutter to think one month ago I entertained a thought that my only solution to the pain...was to pack my whole family...MOM me dogs n cat in the car and drive it into the river....and the sad part of that is I reasoned this out ...because we weren't gonna go in this M-F$#%%G house!
but today I am standing strong on crutches but Happy again and making changes.....
100% due to me accepting the help I came here seeking!!!!! and 100% due to this site for that manner!!! so I feel the need to preserve its intergrity!
So I wanna protect us and this site, I do apologize for being maybe to passonate tho...I am learning my boundaries!
come on y'all two sides to every story as they say! AND just maybe he wont pay anyone cuz he wants the money all to himself!! come on people!
Its just sad cuz there are those who are suffering as much or worse and want help. but just plain cant afford it...so this can be hurtful to them! To see someone spit on the only option!