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Ohio, you are trying so hard to do the right thing, by everybody else, and ignoring your own needs. We are supposed to love others AS WE LOVE OURSELVES. No one is put on this earth to be abused. Your MIL will do just fine - she will be better off in a nursing facility - better socializing, exercise. I've seen it happen, seen health actually improve. But talking about religion - have you considered that you should not be cooperating with people like your husband, whose selfishness is a sin? I don't want you to feel guilty here, you are just trying so very hard to do the right thing, but it's wrong to facilitate evil behavior. And his behavior is just that. Morally decent people do not treat others as he treats you. I believe you will find that if you remove yourself, you will begin to heal, but if you stay, even with an exit plan, the misery will just go on and when he finally tells you he is divorcing you, you will be even weaker and more desperate. This is a man(?) whose motto is "ME, ME, ALWAYS ME!" I doubt that he has the capacity to be a decent husband. He just throws out a few crumbs from time to time to "keep her quiet". But he will dump you the moment it suits his agenda. You would be wise to talk to abuse counselors - a friend of mine was in a situation similar to yours - the counselor really helped her understand what her legal rights were, how to protect them, etc. And she followed through. Sure enough was her husband surprised when he thought he was going to walk and leave her pennilesss and she was able to refer him to her lawyer, who explained to him that things were not going to go his way. Sounds like your husband is already starting to squirrel away assets - probably has been doing so from day one. Women's support groups can really help, when you can't pay. Pushing you into destitution is a favorite strategy of people like your husband. I know you don't want to "leave your marriage", but I think that he left long ago, maybe was never really there, a narcissist forever. You have so much to give so "let your light shine." It could be the wakeup call your husband and MIL need because I truly believe they are going to account to God for the way they have treated you, and almost certainly others in their lives.
God bless and keep you
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mommag - they remove links -so you have to write them a little dufferently I have shared the daughtersof narcissistic mothers site by writing daughtersofnarcisissisticmothersdotcom, or give a phrase that people can google that will take them to the right link.
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I'm curious, I thought I put up a link to an article about creating a supportive life story....it is from the "daily om". Did anyone see it or did I not press submit or maybe it was removed. Is there a rule about posting links? Just curious. It was about empowering yourself...I'm going to try again and if it disappears this time, I know that I am not supposed to do that.
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Tell him to make his own damn lunch and use his exercise machine if you want to. You are stuck there all day and you could use the exercise. What's he gonna do? Beat you up? Maybe then you would leave. Please take care of yourself and stop being the rescuer of his mother. Rescue yourself.
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aww, honey! You were taking your plate elsewhere, weren't you? Why stay for this emotional abuse? Remember, you have to be the captain of your emotional, physical, and mental health. I greatly dislike encouraging someone to walk out of a marriage but this is killing you! Steer for calmer waters and regain your health. Please.
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Ohio: You know the score, but your revenge scenario doesn't make sense. You don't have to get on your feet and regain your position, just to tell your husband your are not interested. You need to pack your shit and get out of there because you have respect for yourself, regardless of your current looks and your financial situation.

I realize living in your parent's basement is not ideal, but I find it hard to believe that you would make their lives more complicated. You are a kind and caring person. How is it that you can do all you are doing, going through all you are going through and think that living in your parent's basement would be worse? There has to be more to that story.

I'm going to use a quote from one of your posts. "Sorry. I feel so sorry for her, like a stray animal with no home or protector." Ohio, do you realize that you are seeing yourself in your MIL? That quote is about you. It sums up your fears about you. You must feel the same about your parents. No home and no protector. Why? You couldn't protect yourself, you couldn't protect your children. So you will protect your MIL. It's like the final stand to find your worth. You are doing what you always wanted others to do for you. This started early in your life.

If you want to make the sessions count with your counselor, talk about this loss of protection. Love to you and know that I care. Cattails
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Oh, in my earlier posts, the other reason I wanted to get back exercising is for my mental health. My counselor told me just walking on a treadmill 30 min 3x a week would reduce stress & help me gain strength again. I have been so long in working out, I need to start out slowily and let my family doctor know. So it's not all about looks, even though that is strongly on my mind since that is what my husband is currently doing, throwing it in my face. I don't have money for a new wardrobe, so dropping pounds makes sense there too. I only have a couple nice outfits where I have a closet full of other clothes just a couple sizes smaller.
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Bookworm, a few minutes earlier tonight, I asked him - who are you doing this body makeover for? He says for himself. The doctor did tell him last winter that he has diabetes starting, putting him on metformin, told to take off some weight. That would help reverse what has started. He is on high blood pressure med, cholestral (sp?) med, metformin & stomach reflux med. Then he bought some kind of diet pill & drinks energy drinks. He has lost quite a bit since last winter & looks good. Plus we have a bowflex he bought ( it's his, not mine so I won't touch it - if I broke it, there would be hell to pay). So he works out. Again, he takes care of him. Well sorta, I get up at 5:30am every morning (except Sunday) where I make breakfast & pack him a home cooked lunch, getting him off to work. I did this since day 1, my thoughts were - we are starting off our day together. But now, it's like a burden - I could use the sleep. He's a big boy, can do it himself, but it's expected now. He's upset if I don't. Not worth the hassle to me, so I get up and get it done. He gives me a quick kiss goodbye & out he goes. So I guess I wasn't totally honest, he does do a quick kiss bye, says he loves me as he heads out the door. But there is a HUGE difference from a quick kiss bye and deep, passionate kisses now forgotten. He used to come up behind me, hug me with kisses along my neck. No more. I have asked if there was someone else, this makes him mad. In fact, it makes him angry that I even mentioned it. He says he is not a cheater. But my counselor tells me the signs are all there. Men start doing things like he is currently doing, losing weight, working out, tanning, bleaching hair, not coming home after work, not answering phone calls, no sex at home - there has to be someone else, plus now he has a separate bank account that is his, and his alone. Bank statements stay sealed. He continues to say he loves me. That is so confusing. We don't go to bed together anymore. I feel more like a brother and sister than man and wife.
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(((((((((Ohio))))))) You talk about your marriage, but I don't see a marriage there. There are certain things that destroy a marriage before the individuals get to a divorce court, and those things have been, and are happening. I see everyone is for themselves, including you, only your goals are different from your "husband's" and his mother's. I have no doubt that if you walked out tomorrow, your mil would be looked after. The financial resources are there. It is not your problem, yet you have taken it on. I agree with cat that religion is not the reason for you staying. Scripture says to love others as yourself. I don't see much love of self here at all. Your "husband's" agenda is to look after himself and use you, and you are cooperating with him. The picture you paint of him seems worse and worse. Your mil's agenda is to belittle you, and you are cooperating with her, Your agenda is, apparently, to continue in a situation which has dragged you down to depths of self sacrifice, ruined your career and negatively affected your health, and your looks, and then, by bringing in some resources, stay in that situation long enough to recover your career, health and looks, and snub your nose at the man who is your "husband" and leave.
That doesn't look like straight thinking to me. I hope you are asking yourself some of the very hard questions that have been suggested in posts here. And I hope you find some of the answers before you are dragged down any further.
with love, prayers and concern for you - joan
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JudymW: yes, I think he has continued in the life path he has always been on. Don't cause him any waves - as he is on his OWN route. He does as he pleases & doesn't want told what to do. He feels I am a nagger, a "downer". You know what? I am - I don't know how else to get his attention without saying it over and over again. I am down, he is up. But instead of just floating here, looking for a life jacket, I decided to swim for help. If you were to talk to me 2 months ago, I was at a point where I wanted to just stay home, quit work, be a caretaker - feeling dead inside. No hope. Who cares. And how could I do better the way I look and feel now. But I was so wrong! This site has made me come back to life. Find focus on what is best for my MIL who is crazy at times. Truly crazy and paranoid scary. If I left, my husband would pack MIL's bags & send her off to live with his sister who will steal her blind & not think twice about it. She will be in a weakened state because of the living conditions there, very small & the only usuable bathroom for showers is in the basement, where there is an extreme fall risk OR she will end up with sores, UTI infection from not being able to bathe properly. No, I can't live with that one. That would haunt me. Sorry. I feel so sorry for her, like a stray animal with no home or protector. But my husband is in such denial over what needs to be done - and such a procrastinator. He doesn't want me to leave or even say the word divorce. He truly thinks all is fine & I should think about getting into another field of work. He doesn't like me being in real estate - being self employed. He would rather me work in some factory where there are set wages with overtime, if offered. I won't do it. I applaud those that can - that work in factories, but that's not what I want to do. I LOVE my job!! and I'm good at it.
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cattails, guess I should have stopped for a moment and read your next post - you must have been reading my mind, EXCEPT when I get back in gear, working full time, back into my exercising (which I did join my gym again a couple wks ago) & tanning a little, keeping my grays away (which I have been unable to do) with good hair cuts, being able to get back into my nice clothes & being able to get out on business social gatherings where I can talk professionally again with like minded people - not much time will be left to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I can forgive but I don't forget. My husband has wounded me deeply. I don't repair easily. Nor do I think he would be there for me in sickness or hard times. That hit me smack in the face hard. Still stings!
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Ohio...your husband is improving his looks. He now looks 35 and not 57. He hasn't touched you and is disgusted with your weight. He is fooling around. This is NOT YOUR FAULT! Your weight did NOT push him to fool around. He's not about to "rock the boat" because YOU are taking care of his mother. He made sure that you have no job, no income, no savings ...so that when he treats you like BS, you have No Where to go. My brother did this with his wife. He got her pregnant so many times, they ate out a lot and made sure she go fat. Then he insult her about it. He used this excuse to fool around. It just pisses me off when I found out. And I'm seeing it here with you.

Ohio, please do not put any more of whatever money you have into your mil. You really need to prioritize your job into your busy schedule. Because this is something that you will need to fall back on when your husband decides that it's "time to move on".

FYI, the last I heard about married couples - they both share the bills. If he owes money, by default, you are also responsible. The same applies to Your Bills. I would check your bills, and any that has to do with the household or mil, he can pay for it since He Is Working! Ohio, you need to stop seeing with rose-colored glasses with regards to your marriage. Sometimes, Love is not enough to make a relationship work. I agree with Cat about therapy on why you seem to stay in abusive relationships. But at the same time, you really need to have a back-up plan NOW if and when your husband tells you he wants a divorce. Those dinners that he took you to? That's a "pacify" wife move. Sis ex-bf did that to her, too.
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Cattails: yes, I am in counseling, but it's only 45 minute sessions and I am on visit number 5. No, my husband has not gone with me. Guess I didn't want to believe that one - but that's the way it has fallen. Right now, my current thoughts are: first priority, get MIL into daycare from 7 to 5 Monday - Friday where she will get more care, including phy therapy and socialization. Get husband to follow through on guardianship, where it stops the crazy MIL's daughter from grabbing cash & assets, so money will be there when it's needed for her ongoing care. THEN, I can get back to work full time where I can quickly get money back to pay off my debts & put money away so IF my marriage continues on the same road currently on, I have the means to leave in a pretty good financial state instead of being forced to live in a parents basement, where life won't be easy either. My parents are good & kind, but they are retired and don't need problems in their life. I need to be able to stand on my own, fight for what is mine, go forward with no looking back. My mind and mental state is still too weak, to fight anyone right now. Yes, I have a list of calls to make tomorrow, not stopping until these things are in place. The physical therapist that currently comes to the home 2x a week is making some progress with her, at least she is walking more & her muscles aren't as weak. He feels that she can do much better, but we are doing her more harm than good by keeping her here in our home full time. At the senior day care, she will have a counselor, for some one on one, then surrounded with others her age & condition, more phy therapy with equipment to benefit her much better, etc. I won't walk away until I can see my efforts have been worth it. I would also like to lose my weight & then tell him I am OFF LIMITS, NOT INTERESTED. See how that feels. Ok, better stop - getting into anger mode. I can forgive, but I never forget.
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jeannegibbs, yes I am seeing a counselor, tomorrow will be visit #5. Thank goodness our medical insurance is good - covering these visits 100% or I wouldn't have the money to go, but we are limited to the number of visits...so they must be productive. The main focus was how to handle mean ole mother-in-law with alzheimer's. Then we turned to marriage issues. Not much gets accomplished with a 45 min session. He gives me ideas & trying to get to know me - that's gonna be hard. I don't even know me right now. No joke. I am a shell of what I was. and I don't know how to get back up.
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emjo: I am trying to answer all that have posted. I have never heard that expression " a row to hoe", love it. I needed a smile. thanks for the prayers. I just can't think straight with all the "jerking around" going on here, by several parties in my household.
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OH, man. I don't even know what to say to that last post. He won't touch you. That cuts like a frikkin razor. You take care of his mother and he doesn't give up anything. He's pushed her off on you and your life is spiraling downward and any time you reach out for help, he slaps your hand. I know you said your compassion and religious beliefs keep you caring for your mil. But, do you think if you left, someone wouldn't step up to the plate? Do you think you're using this as an excuse to stay in a marriage that makes you feel awful about yourself and doesn't benefit you in any way? If you love him and you don't get love back, that's probably enough said. You put up with too much garbage, and Jesus himself probably would've had to shout "shut up" a few times. And, it sounds like you're not even putting up with garbage from your husband, really. It sounds like he's moved on without you and you're just the caretaker. I know that's harsh, but that's what I'm reading.
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Ohio: Your honesty is heart wrenching. Still I find it hard to believe that you hang on to this man out of love. I think your self esteem is so low that you just hang on to an abusive man. I give your therapist high marks for his bluntness, but it doesn't seem to affect the decisions you make.

So what is your plan for your marriage. Do you think that if the guardianship takes effect, then his mom's money will be available and the things that are needed for him mom's care will be done. Then you will get back to work and hopefully get your career back on track and make your own money again. You will dig yourself out of the financial hole that your husband will not help you with, even though he can. Then you will lose weight and become the woman he used to want to make love too. Then he will stop getting it somewhere else and life will be good again.

I understand that you have compassion for his mother. I'm going to exclude the religious beliefs because I can't reconcile that with child abuse and adultery.

I think you are with another abusive man who is also unfaithful. He abuses you and his mother. Do you think he would stand by you if you were ill? He won't stand by you now.

You are a bright, lovely woman. What is it that makes you stay in an abusive situation. Stick with your counselor and focus on that issue. There is a reason and it's not religion, love or loyalty. You deserve more in your life. Sending you love, Cattails
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Kimbee, I appreciate your concern - in fact, it really surprises me that people who don't even know me, will write comments & sometimes I laugh, others make me cry, then others make me think (which I need!), plus lots of educational links and more. My life has never been easy, but I have much to be thankful for. It's difficult living with someone with alzheimer's, especially when so much is out of my control. (on several counts). Prayers are greatly appreciated. I'm looking forward to seeing what good I can accomplish this week - I have to think positive, otherwise I might not get out the bed in the morning. At least, when I am able to get to sleep - I enjoy and can get lost in my dreams, where I am somebody again - a happy place - I feel good.
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Debbyeone: I can't run - I have no money, with big debts at the moment. And I won't leave my MIL to the unrespondsible and irrespondsible. I couldn't live with myself. Once things are in place for her, then I will concentrate more on what is going on inside my marriage. It sucks. I have taken steps with personal items that mean a lot to me, no longer here. Meanwhile, while I am looking pretty haggard and run down, my husband has lost some weight (from 248 to 205), has been working out & has his muscular arms back, and a deep bronze sun tan from laying out in the backyard after work (while I am inside taking care of his mom). If you were to look at him, he looks more like 35 than 57. No lie. Hardly a wrinkle, too with a full head of bleached blonde hair. He's got great looks - nice job, assets, it's just upside down with our relationship from what it was to now. I feel like nothing to him. Half the time, he doesn't even sit down to dinner with us, the computer is more important.
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DesertRat5555: why do I put up with it? Love. Compassion. My religious beliefs tell me to care for those than cannot. I fear that this could be me, down the road, but I swear I would never want to bring my kids down like she is tearing my family apart. My husband "used" to care about me - but now, I don't know who I am to him. Sure not his lover anymore. My counselor tells me if a man doesn't "get it at home" - mark his words, he is getting it somewhere else. This is deja vu to me. That happened in my first marriage, and I didn't want to believe it. But I had 3 sons in that marriage - and we had been married 27 years. I forgave him, although later in the marriage he started drinking again & was physically abusive to my grandson. It wasn't an easy decision - but I wasn't going to live a life where my grandchildren would get hurt. That husband "beat" my children until one of them ended up in the hospital & I no longer could be quiet. I feared him but I was not about to let another fist or foot hit my children. Believe it or not, he was arrested, ordered counseling and we started going to church. That same man never touched the boys again, learned to control his temper, was a great dad for many years after that ... except his womanizing (from where he worked, with one woman he kept close for 7 years, said they were "just" friends, until my youngest son told me about the kiss - I lost it, but forgave him - because I didn't want to lose my family to a divorce). Anyway, 27 years later - ended in divorce anyway - the first in my family. It was bad. But he refused counseling, hit my grandson who was a premie at birth and was only 2 yrs old, promised me it wouldn't happen again, then it did a month later. That was it. I knew as long as he continued to drink, I didn't have a chance to have my grandchildren come over without getting hurt. Anyway, that was 10 years ago. Now I have been married to number 2 for 9 years, he is not physically abusive but his words cut like a knife. And now, I'm in counseling, trying to understand what to do with this marriage & how to handle my alzheimer's mil, I still love him. But I don't get love back. He won't even touch me - says I'm too fat now, too much work to make love to me. He is very blunt & that hurts. I don't want to end my marriage this way - I guess I want him to acknowledge what he really has & is going to lose if things don't change soon.
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Ohio: You have been able to make some progress with the physical therapy and the guardianship papers for your MIL. That's good and I'm proud of you for getting that done.

I just find myself angry that your husband does not give you more support. You are the beaten dog that keeps trying to get two abusive owners to stop beating you. Or the person who wants to get one demented person and another self centered person to be reasonable.

It would be very hard for me to forgive my husband if he treated me the way yours treats you. It would be hard because it's a character issue. If it's not a character issue, then it's a mental issue, but something is wrong with your husband.

OK, so you are waiting for the bond to come in and you don't know the next step. Try to make a call and find out how long it takes for the bond to come in and then see if you can find out what the next step is. Don't depend on your hubby to follow through on things. For some reason, that doesn't feel safe to me.

Are you still going to the therapist? Did your husband ever go with you to a session? Have you continued to move more of your personal items from the home?

Please don't feel bad about getting angry with your MIL. You are only human. You are only human and you are living in very inhumane circumstances. Stay in touch with us.

Hugs, Cattails
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vstefans, thanks also for the kind words over the loss of my friend. And thanks for the description & explanation regarding various tests done for dementia/alzheimer's. Yes, my husband has talked with 2 attorneys over obtaining guardianship & decided to move forward. I got the forms filled out by the geriatric doctor for him. 10 days ago, my husband applied for a $170,000 bond that the court will require - waiting back on that to come in. Then I don't know the next step. Anyway, my husband told his mother what he was doing and why - she had an explosion and called her daughter, claiming we are out to steal her money. NO, not true. But now MIL's daughter is stepping it up a notch to try to get more assets before we go to court. She found out that UNTIL we go to court, mom can give away the world to whomever. BUT we keep telling my husband's sister, that there will me severe implications for taking advantage of an incompetent person and the medicaid issues down the road. It's gonna get real ugly, since his sister doesn't want this and will contest this 100%.
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igloo572: thanks for the explanation of the different testings. I had never heard of your mother's disease, Lewy Body Dementia. How sad. My MIL's brain scan revealed "gray matter" - according to doctors, she has this from being left outside in the florida day/night from Sat approx 4pm until Mon approx 4-5 pm, within hours of dying from breaking her hip & left outside from accident a couple years ago. She has had 2 falls outside her florida home, where she was outside overnight or two, until a sheriff was called or a neighbor to check on her.
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cattails, it's ALWAYS great to hear from you & thanks for your kind words over the loss of my friend. I am still surrounded in craziness, trying to figure out what to do now. I'll let you read my update. I'm frightened since I lost it one day this past week, and yelled at her to shut up several times. That's not me. I don't yell. Then I was so sick afterwards, cried for a couple hours wishing I could be somewhere else. Why can't my husband see what this is doing to me????
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What's wrong with this picture? That you are still putting up with the crap. A couple of dinners out are nice, but hardly compensate for the "I'm not missing any work" attitude.

Sorry to be so blunt, but that is how I see it. Are you in counselling?
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mrsribit: thank you for the comforting words over the loss of my friend. That helps. Now, for the day care situation I am trying to set up... they require an assessment & interview with family member & patient (my MIL) at either 9:30 am or 1:30 pm during the week, and has an opening for this coming week. I was excited! Until my husband informs me that HE will NOT miss WORK for this!! And then my MIL claims SHE will not PAY for this and doesn't want to go. My husband is for it, as long as it doesn't cost HIM anything & I take care of it. What the heck? It's to help his mom not just me. The socialization and extra physical therapy would be terrific for her and gives me 8 hours of relief and time so I can devote to my job. I'm back to being the hamster on the wheel .... frustrated.
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Update: This will be starting week 3 of physical therapy for my MIL. At least she will do whatever is asked of her, by this "young & attractive" male physical therapist & he is SO good and patient with her, but firm. We have 2 pages of exercises to do daily, along with MIL being told to wear her shoes with the inset (one leg shorter than the other over a hip surgery). She fights us on that one - claims they are too heavy, doesn't like them, makes her hands hurt (yes, her hands not her feet???), etc. My feelings on the physical therapy is this: since I have the majority of her daily care (meals, pills, baths, laundry, cleaning) that it should be my husbands job, not mine, to work with her on these exercises. He is ONLY giving up 30-45 minutes of his evening to "help" his mom - but he feels that his mom should be able to do them herself, not his responsibility.
HA! If left to her, they won't ever be done. She needs encouragement that it is worth the time to exercise her legs and arms - and I DON'T NEED ANOTHER RESPONSIBILITY ON MY PLATE!!! Or am I wrong to say this???
Then, the physical therapist feels he should be able to get her strong enough to be able to go up and down the porch stairs for someone to take her "out" 2x a week. Hmmmm...something else on my plate to do?
I already am losing money by not working the needed hours so my real estate career is going downhill fast. Oh yes, here is another one ...
for MIL to go to day care, she must be interviewed and analysis done on the level of care she will need. The rate is $51 to $71 per day, depending on that level of care. So, I want to set up that appt for my husband to take her - guess what? He refuses! Says he IS NOT missing any time OFF work, but he expects me to do so. What is wrong with this picture????
Then MIL gives away her car to her daughter, doesn't ask for a dime. Daughter is upset that her mom won't pay to have the title transferred. WHAT? Here a very nice florida low mileage car is given to you and YOU don't want to pay for the title transfer? What the heck?
I am told that this asset should NOT be freely given away, but sold with the money put away for future health care needs. When I speak out, my husband was in agreement - the car should not have been given away, especially angers me when this same daughter has not done much at all in taking care of her mother. I am now on one full year plus one month.
Now for a good note, my husband has taken me out to dinner twice this past week, while my step daughter has stayed here to care for my MIL. I had a really bad day this week, where I just could not continue to hear insults thrown at me, while I was on my knees, on kitchen floor, cleaning up spilled coffee with creamer - it was bad. My MIL is being obnoxious, standing right by me, asking me what state was I born in? I must be a hillbilly to scrub a floor that way. My parents sure didn't know how to raise a daughter or teach her things. At that point I lost it - I yelled at her - "shut up", every sentence she was throwing my way, I continued to yell back, "shut up, shut up". This went on for probably a couple minutes, where I finally just quit and walked away. Well, maybe I should have said stomped away, but then I felt horrible. I can't let my emotions fall like that. I have prided myself in walking away, not getting into verbal battles with her. I don't know how long I can keep my anger and resentment bottled inside - any ideas???
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thinking nof you ohio, you have a difficult row to hoe, Wanting for the lovely woman that you are to come out more and more, and the abuse and using from others to get less and less.
Prayers going out from me too. I hope you will let us know how you are.♥
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Ohiogal-many people concerned about you. Can you let us know u r at least hangin in there? Remember, the goal of the forum is to Support caregivers. U have received some strong advice, maybe overwhelming or upsetting, but probably given with real concern for you. Please remember, you are the one to figure out what you can and can't do, and when. Support is here for you, come back N let us know what u can or can't handle. Hope u r ok. At least let someone here know if u r safe. I'm glad the doc validated ur concerns about mil. We r still folding bags like crazy here-what have u been up to?? Sending hugs n prayers.
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Please don't just walk away "RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!! YOU ARE BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSED!!!!!
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