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Chimonger, I feel like damaged goods - will take a LOT to get back to being the person I once was, if "she" can ever come back. I have so much sadness & hurt inside. At least I am not crying as much. Hard to explain, but I feel empty. Tired. Mostly just sad and broken. I don't want a pity party - that's not the point I am making. I allowed this to happen. Still struggling inside on how to heal and not be bitter.
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Kimbee, great to hear from you, also. Once my mother in law is "figured out" where she is going, who gets guardianship, then I can get on track with my future plans. Right now, with her NOT here, I am working all the hours I can - trying to renew my career, which thank goodness, is working out. Not by leaps and bounds - but making progress forward. I'm afraid to take on too much, in the event that I am temporarily back with MIL here under full time care again until things can be put in place for her. I have told ALL family members, I am not going back to 24/7 care for her. I just won't. I can't .... physically and mentally drained from all of it.
And I have no money to squirrel away yet, too many debts. But I am climbing out of that hole, too.
Yes, I would love to find a counselor for support and wisdom - but no one can help me until this rollar coaster of MIL is settled down. The fighting now and bickering is bad between brother and sister. My MIL is being brainwashed currently by my husband's sister - telling her that "we" are "greedy", wanting to take over all her money and possessions to do with as we please, not allowing her to have any say on life. Makes us sound like horrible demons! Then bad mouths other relatives about the situation. Is it really bad to want some normalcy in our life? To have mil in a part time nursing facility Monday - Friday 8 to 4 or 5 daily? It's cheaper than having in home health care ... but no, seems like "free babysitting service by me" is what everyone wants. Not happening anymore. Ok, writing a book again - I don't want to rant on. Solves nothing. I don't know how families cope with this. There has to millions like us, dealing with elderly issues such as this. Why can't it be easier?
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Best advice I ever received (and just keep saying it until you believe it)
"No one can take advantage of you without your permission".
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You are so right, desert192
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Ohio - you will not be the same person, but you will be a stronger, wiser, more self protective person, and that is good. Your priorities will have changed, and that is good. I think you will heal from all the damage of the past years, and part of that healing is the changes in you. A sadness may remain in allowing yourself to be used as you have, but that will be a good reminder not to get into that situation again. You said much earlier that if this relationship with your husband didn't work out, you would never have another one. In time, after you have achieved much healing, I think that you will be different enough that you will want, and attract a different kind of man. You know what you don't ever want again, now, and that is good. Hang in there for yourself, and keep your resolve. Your business looks like it is picking up nicely and I commend you on paying off debts as you have. That goal is in sight. It sounds like you are captain of your ship, and that is good.. ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Joan
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OhioGal08,
My heart goes out to you! I know how that feels! I might have some advice for you--will send that via hugs to you.
It is based on hard lessons I lived thru to tell the tales.
Some or all of it might be useful for you, too.
Being Proactive in one's own care and defense, really helps.
The hurt will be with you.
But you will reach a point when you think, "maybe I was just too over-emotional, maybe things could get better between us, maybe...etc."
When you start thinking those thots, STOP!
Get a GRIP! Those things DID happen, and, you yourself are the only one you can directly change.
AS YOU change, others around you will also start changing--good, bad, or indifferent, simply because they can no longer be the same when you are different.
You have made some viable plans so far.
There are other things you can also do, to pave your path more smoothly.
Believe, me, most of us who have spilled our guts here, have been thru the wringers, and have damaged self esteem, damaged emotions, PTSD, etc. disorders to deal with in the aftermath.
You are in a good, strong boat, hanging out here!
If nothing else, it is healthy to have a place to dump to;
getting helpful suggestions and knowing others have been thru it and lived and healed, is icing on cake!
Give yourself generous time to heal--and when you THINK you are healed, stuff can still come up again--so more work is needed to heal that again.
These adventures are now part of your history, not your present.
That Mom is now in SIL's house, means she is NOT in YOURS!
LET her have her! It means you no longer have that burden.
The circumstances it took to get her out, may not be over, but they really are--she's outta there!
And you have a PLAN.
I call that GOOD!
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I have made more changes, but it's not going over well. Instead of sitting here at home, yesterday I went to my parents and also played with my granddaughter a while. Watched/helped with her homework. Was gone from 5 - 8pm) When I got home at 8pm, husband already in bed with note, he is on overtime, working 2:30 am to 2:30 pm. Ok, I settled in and turned on tv for a couple hours. Instead of going to bed in bedroom, since he was getting up at 1:30am, I decided to just sleep in family room. After he left for work, I headed into our bedroom for the rest of the night. Today, instead of sitting home again, as is expected, I contacted my best friend from school days, we met at for a bite to eat - spent 2 hours talking - it was great. It's been 30 yrs since we had been in contact with each other, have lots of catching up to do. I also decided to "do" my hair, which I had not done in a long time - usually wash, blow dry and go - since it's straight & long. Easy to care for. But today, on went the hot rollers - gave a nice bounce & I was surprised at just how well it looked. When I got home, I had brought home half of my order of food, because I knew he would enjoy it - he barely talked to me. I know he's upset. He went to bed early, around 7 again, but he is on early hours all week. Not once did he comment on my hair - how I looked. I don't get it. He just doesn't care about me. I could probably walk around the house naked and he would not notice at this point.
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You do get it. He just doesn't care about you. I don't know how he could make that more clear.

Keep doing what you need to be doing for you.
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OhioGal08,
Yep--that kinda seems to cinch it.

He would do one of a few things....
----IF he FAILS to take any notice of you making changes he can see, like your hair, new clothes, that you are starting to fix yourself up more again, he is hopelessly lost.
It is possible that he thinks you spend the nights in other sleeping areas, an attempt to make sure he gets plenty sleep, and that is somehow supportive of his weird work hours--rotating shifts are killer bad news for anyone's behaviors and overall health!

----MAYBE he is slow on the uptake
---if you keep consistently working to fix yourself up, it might take some time before he takes note. IF/ WHEN he does, he will do/say things that express his fear of losing you, like, suspicion that you are going out on him--make sure you are loyally keeping your behaviors above board
--ALWAYS make sure you are totally irreproachable, until after any legal proceedings for divorce are final.

--Be prepared for potential reversal of his behaviors:
It is entirely possible [it has happened for others],
that as you take better and better care of yourself, fix you up, do things that bring you a Joyful heart, etc., that he will once again fall in love with the person he married.

ONLY by keeping circumspect at all times, you then have the option to work on repairing relationships, or splitting.
---Even if you cannot venison that right now.

[[yep--there are quite a number of times I felt like dumping mine--yet something seemed to keep me going, and stick with it--and here we still are, over 40 years later, and my DH is FINALLY getting the professional help he needed way back then--still not a bed of roses, but, hey!]]
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ohio - check out the narcisssitic male. That may well be what you are dealing with. Better to make informed decisions.

Definition of NPD:
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
~ Mayo Clinic Staff
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Ohio-glad u r seeing things more accurately, AND taking steps to be around others n pay down debt!! Good for u--whoohoo! Thanks for the regular contact w us; we want to know how u r, & support u & help u stay safe. Pls avoid spilling ur plans to him-it will make things worse-he will be more controlling, n pretend to care, to sucker u back in. Stick to ur plan... U can do this! Hugs, kimbee
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Jeanne Gibbs - it still hurts to know the fact he doesn't care anymore. But I can't continue living a lie, either. I am continuing my journey of gaining independence and surrounding myself with positive energy from friends. I sold another house, I'm so excited that my career is coming back - but it's going to take time to build it back to where I should be. Baby steps. I can make it - with friends like I have here to encourage me. You are all AWESOME!!
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Chimonger - you seem to have walked in my shoes & truth hurts. No, he thinks I am sleeping in other room because I "want" something. And he isn't playing the game, he says.
Absolutely I am NOT and NEVER will be a "player/cheater". Nope, not my character. I don't need a man, my intention is to take care of myself and I don't need another man in my life. I want my intentions to be focused on my family, church, and career. I was married before 27 years. Divorced. Almost married this time 10 years (May 2013).
My parents will be needing me in care taking, but I can't imagine them ever being mean and ugly. I could be wrong. My father was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. My mother just lost her eye sight in one eye due to macular degeneration. She fears losing the sight in her other eye. She is depressed over not being able to see like she could before, can't put thread in a needle, can't read like before, can't quilt making her perfect stitches. Little things, but I remind her that she should be so thankful that her health is great in so many other ways.
I have 3 sons, 4 grandchildren. I miss being active in their lives due to being tied down to this MIL and husband. Complicated.
Just getting out of the house, doing things, makes me smile again. But it was hard at first - feeling guilty. Long story.
Thanks for your wise, wise words of wisdom.
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Wow, emjo - that really describes him. I am going to do more reading on this. Thanks!
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Kimbee - thanks for posting & continuing to be so supportive.
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Ohio.. about your mom's vision - My friend's mom lost most of her vision from macular degeneration. Its too late for me to call the east coast and ask where she got help from, but she got something to magnify her newspapers and books, and I'm sure your mom could use something like that to enjoy the things she loved to do, like quilting. I'll call tomorrow and post back. Does anyone here know about services and products? I think National Federation for the Blind has a product page on their website.
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Ohio, it sounds like your husband has been using you. Mine used me, too, and it really hurt to figure out that I had wasted 13 years of my life on him. When I left, I left with nothing. I hope that you will get out soon and ask for alimony while you rebuild. You took care of his mother for a long time. Now it is his time to pay the caregiver. You go, honey.
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OhioGal08,

Yep--we might have walked some similar paths alright!

I have had what some might call "have an interesting life" curse placed on me long ago--perhaps, that was the dysfunctional programming blessed upon us kids by Mom...who is still perpetrating and manipulating--only now, in a different sibling's house. Hard to get clear of.
And had some education along the way too, to help with all that experience in "interesting life".

Unbalanced people can really mess us up, if we do not understand how we got into the mess, and what they are about, and what ourselves are about.

Keep working at your life, recreating your beautiful self, reconstructing and helping yourself "rise from the ashes", to join the other phoenix birds rising!

Baby steps, yes. They get easier as time and practice allow.

BTW--I was trying to be as charitable as possible in the descriptions of what his motivations might be ;-P...not necessarily that that part matched him.
But that description might help someone else later.

People who treat others badly, are very broken and hurting inside themselves--usually, totally unable to admit it.
HOW they act-out, and whether they are at any time willing to accept, acknowledge, and try to correct, their own messes, will determine whether their partner will be able, if at all, to work at fixing the relationship.

I like to keep bridges intact, if at all possible.
Sometimes, there is nothing for it but to burn that bridge, though.

{{{hugs!}}}
Keep us posted!
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It didn't take long at all for mother-in-law to end up in hospital, thanks to my husband's sister. She simply can't take care of her. Last week, after my MIL was admitted into hospital with 225 over 109 blood pressure, not being able to stand on her own or walk, they waited 2 days before letting us know. Nice, huh?
MIL was admitted Tuesday of last week and still there. Blood Pressure is all over the place, but at least not in the 200s anymore. Then they found out her enzymes are low, so she is getting iv treatment and injections. We have been over there to see her, but the sister never leaves MIL's side, like we are going to do something? Whatever.
She's still in hospital today, looking pretty good though. Our guardianship court date was moved to Oct 9th. Sister vs Brother - who is going to win?
Anyone's guess. I just wish I knew where this was all going to end up. Tired of the waiting and games his sister plays. She has totally convinced my MIL that we are out to get her. We are greedy. She is better off staying with daughter, not us.
Ok, ranting now - so I stop.
Thanks to everyone, keeping me positive. Since I don't have MIL to care for, and she was in the hospital in good hands, I went to the other side of the state to visit my children. I was able to see my granddaughter perform in the band for halftime (football game), share my youngest grandson's birthday (turned 6) plus I stayed another day with him, went horseback riding, out to eat, pumpkin picking from garden, shopping for the perfect birthday present, then was able to see granddaughter again, before the homecoming dance. So much fun. I needed that. To be with them, out of here.
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Wow, Ohio, it seems like your life would be so full if you weren't in your current situation. I don't mean that nastily, but you've got so much outside of that house with your husband. The days you spend with your family sound idyllic. I'm so glad you got away.
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It appears you have found your True Bliss with your children & grandchildren! They are the ones that really need you and have their whole wonderful lives ahead of them, with YOU. Wonderful YOU, making memories, traditions and happiness that they will carry in their hearts forever. If sister in law wants her Mom, just back out, let her enjoy the time they will have together. You have a life, a plan and a future that does not include the selfish, cold husband, MIL, and his family. As JudymW says, "I'm so glad you got away."
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Ohio gal: listen to sunset Sheila, please? Once I took on something that turned out to be just waaay too much. A friend pointed out to me that just because I agreed to the (ever growing) big task, DID NOT mean I had to keep on agreeing to it. It was a helpful way for me change my perspective. I had (erroneously) believed that I made a commitment and therefore should honor that commitment. I was able to extricate myself n have others step in. Honestly, it was not my problem. You may care for ur MIL n want the best for her, but is that what is best n right for you? Of course we don't kno what we would ever do for sure, but I hope I would invest my future in my kids n grkids, showing them how to care well for self, n set healthy priorities. It seems your kids likely see the marriage u r in is in effect isolating you from them, n is not good for u. They may not have said it to u, but they probably find ur placing selfish spouse n MIL ABOVE ur self and them, somewhat askew. We felt this way re: our moms involvement w (not so obviously) abusive, controlling spouse. We didn't want to hurt her feelings about the mate she selected, nor say out loud that we felt discarded. Abusers systemically isolate their victims. Because of the abuse of power n the imbalance of that, marriage counseling is not done-only individual counseling. Please reconsider looking for assistance from domestic violence agency. They r supportive beyond belief-just there for U, in the best way, not trying to change u, just supporting u as u process these tough emotions (u r doing this anyway, w little support) n they help u stay SAFE. please? Our concern for u is genuine. So proud of the progress u r making. Wish we could be MORE there for you. I am happy you have reconnected w family n friends-good for you! Are u totally proud of yourself?? We are!! Keep up the good work. Loved Chi's long list in her hug to you-great list chi!!. And ohg, THANK YOU for the more regular contact, glad things r looking up for you, hugs, prayers n house sales charma coming north to you, kimbee
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Ohio: Glad you are spending time with your family and building your business again. I think there is much positive energy in your life, it's just not located in your home or in the interactions with your husband, SIL or MIL. Let them have their own journey and please believe that your journey will be filled with positive energy and love if you leave them behind.

Sending you continued courage. Cattails
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Ohio--

Kinda wondering what the deal is,
why not to just allow the sister to have her?
IF your "DH" gets her back, does that mean he gets her back into the house,
or, does it mean he gets POA?
I do not think I would worry about it, particularly--sounds like a sibling squabble.

Besides, there is a THIRD possibility, which neither of them may have thot of so far
--and that is, in the case of contentious siblings, a non-family custodian can be designated to take care of MIL's affairs...leaving both siblings out of that loop!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I bet you are setting up contacts with in-home health care workers to cover for you, just in case he brings MIL back into your house...!! ;-P

Your time away sounds kinda idyllic!
You sure needed that [and deserved that]!
{{hugs!}}
SO glad you went for that!
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Ohio, my friends mom (with macular degeneration) gets help from the Massachusetts Association for the Blind. They've been a huge help. I googled Ohio and they've got similar organizations.
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Ohio: How are you doing. It's been a while since you posted and I'm hoping you are ok. Sending hugs your way. Cat
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JudymW: Thanks for the "sight" information. We have been blessed with finding a great physician that has been giving mom injections and vitamin supplements that has lessened the blinded areas of her one eye, tryiing to save the loss of sight from the other. What she has is: example: looking at someones face - she can see the outline of their hair, eyes and background - but missing out on the center. It used to be a total black area, now has improved to be light gray with some very very faint vision. Thank goodness she still has the other eye to see us in whole. It's frustrating to her, getting used to this. She does not need magnifying glasses yet. Her vision is good in the one eye totally, the other - the center is missing. Doctor's tell us that is the best it will get - and we feel so lucky for that!! God bless ....
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JessieBell. Yes, I know I was walked on and totally unappreciated at times - but I still care about him. One day I want to leave, the next I want to try to get back what we had, then another day - he surprises me totally, Very confusing.Nonetheless, I have a plan in motion so if I need to go, I can and not look back. Still in the works.
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Chimonger - I love you & sending a hug your way. I would really like to meet someday - because through my days of darkness, it seems that you have been through much the same, so I feel that I am not alone. I'm still on the roller coaster of what to do - but until a few more actions can be taken, I remain here. I have major news of mother-in-law though.
On Sept 12th, my sister in law took my MIL from us, saying she is going to stop/block the guardianship (but she lied to MIL, took her money for an attorney to yes, block us, but put herself as the guardian instead). This has been an interesting couple months. It didn't even take a full week and MIL was entered into hospital for 5 or 6 days. Since being released, her blood pressure is sky high, at times 200+ over 100, I truly feel she is going to die before all the guardianship hoops are finished. We have had 2 court appearances/hearings, with a couple postponements (once because of sister in law, the other from the judge). We still are in waiting for a decision from the judge while MIL is still with sister in law. Because we have our freedom from MIL, my husband has taken me on 2 vacations, had a really really nice time, too. And he has made plans for another 2 week vacation from Christmas to New Year's week to Orlando Florida. Am I nuts to be happy?
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JudymW and sunsetSheila, yes - I continue to also visit my grandchildren and my grandbabies call me so I have them back in my life with a positive outlook. I have also made more time to be with my parents to visit, but I know "their" time is coming where I will need to assist them more. But unlike my MIL, they are so caring and loving, appreciative. My father has Parkinson's disease, with rickety, rackity joints - at times can loose feelings in feet and hands, which scares him. His memory gets confused at times, too. They tell me it is the disease. So maybe by having my MIL in my care for over a year, was a learning lesson for future days when caring for my parents. I am also back to work full time, making sales and getting listings (real estate sales). It will take awhile to get back to where I was ... again, baby steps. My husband is getting back to his prior self, not staying away ... but I know it will never be the same. Too many hurts have blackened my heart - and I learned that when times get tough, I can't depend on him. Especially when I went to the hospital - his needs where more important. (sigh)
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