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My Grandma had a stroke at the age of 100. After she came home from the hospital for hours she would say, "I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead." It would drive a person crazy. I would tell her she wasn't dead, she was here with me, trying to comfort her, nothing worked. She lived beside a funeral home for 60 years and knew the owner, whose name was Don, well for those years. One morning she started the "I'm dead" thing so I asked her if she wanted me to call Don and have him pick up her body. She said, "yes, I believe so." I said ok, that I would do that but first would she like a bit to eat before she went. She looked at me and said, "I believe I will have a little to eat before I go."

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My grandma was a very sweet and loving woman and I was depressed and upset one day and said i just wish i was dead.. and she said, I wish you were too then we would have an excuse to get dressed up and go somewhere..of course we started laughing and although she has been gone for many years my family and I still get alot of laughs from that story.. and many more, I miss my grama..
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My Step-Father finally arrived to the house for me to help him through his stroke/dementia trials. My Mom was already here.

My Mom is a gifted pianist and my Step-Father had a wonderful bass singing voice. That was part of their attraction to each other, they loved music. Me, I sang in the choir but was no way a soloist, if you know what I mean.

Since he loved to sing, I thought getting him started with a few songs would pass the time and have fun doing it. So, I started singing "Amazing Grace." I had not sang but a line or two when my Step-Father yelled "Whoa, Whoa, now, now, now. Let me help you out with that." And he began to sing and I shut up. I couldn't help laughing to myself and muttering, "everyone is a critic."

That's not the only time someone hasn't liked my singing. I was rocking my infant Grand-Daughter, only a few months old. I started singing Rock a Bye Baby, on the tree top when suddenly this precious baby girl whom I adored, placed her tiny hand over my mouth and held it there. After that, I just rocked her. : P
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Recently Dad was in the hospital and he was noted as a major fall risk. Thus the hospital put an alarm on his recliner so he wouldn't try to walk without them knowing. Well Dad has a sense of humor.

While I was there, Dad started to get up from his recliner and the alarm beeping started. Dad had this grin on his face and said "I wish the hospital wouldn't keep serving me beans".
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Susan, you have placed an image in my mind, it will show up every time I boil eggs. I promise to set a timer, sit and wait. Like sand through an hour glass, so are the days of our lives.
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dingdingdingding! We have a winner!! MDKM, that was AWESOME.

Totally tops my story about the time I left eggs boiling on the stove and forgot about them while I showered....smelled this horrible stench and ran out to the kitchen wrapped in a towel, just in time for the eggs to explode into millions of eggshell shrapnel pieces. I dove to the floor, now naked (having dropped the towel) and curled into the fetal position to protect vital parts.
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JesseBelle, there were no cops but I can tell you I had more honks, whistles and vulgar gestures, in that few moments, than all of my life, as a female, combined. : P

You know what, I still enjoyed my coffee that day as I went from almost tears to hysterical laughter after that experience.

It's just another story to tell the grandchildren when they get a little older. Oh, yes I can hear it now, "Hey Mam, something happened to me today, it was so embarrassing!" and I'll say, "Sit down Child, have I got a story for you."
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gershun ,
im sorry but youve been upstaged . the crazy chick without any underwear has now totally displaced what i had going on there .
im going to buy a diamond engagement ring right now and youll be hearing back from me ,
momdoesntknowme .
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momdoesntknowme ,
thats some damm funny stuff .
gershun ,
that whole story has given me somewhat of semi erection .
let me explain .
intimacy cannot be realized unless vulnerability is displayed . when we lower our protective walls and acknowlege our human limitations , only then are we reachable to people who , just like us , are insecure ( humble ) .
mr sensitivity here ;
the guy who just walked into a hospital and punched his closest friend in the jaw to roust her from her induced and much needed slumber ..
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Oh, no! I'm glad there wasn't a cop car around. That would have completed your day. :D

ROFL
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I enjoyed your stories Gershun, I am feelin' for ya. I'll tell one of my most embarrassing moments.

One morning I woke up and found there was no milk or creamer for my coffee and I will not drink it black. With a sigh, I threw on a t-shirt and those hippy jeans, you know the ones that barely hung on your hips. They were a little big on me, I didn't think to put on a belt, I needed my coffee fix.

The store was only a block away so off I went walking. I was on my way home with the creamer and, like most of us, we pick up a few other things while we are there. My arms were full of paper grocery bags. I was thinking how good my freshly brewed coffee would taste.

I decided to jay-walk in the middle of the block. As I took a few steps into the street, here came a car, squealing tires, headed right for me. Quickly, I decided I had better pick up my pace. Just then I saw another car coming from the opposite direction, oh boy, now I really needed to haul butt. I only had a few more strides and I would be safe. I was almost across the street when my jeans fell to my ankles, I managed to dive into the grass on the other side of the street to avoid the car hitting me.

I rolled around on the grass to gain my composure. When I did, I saw that I had forgotten to put on underwear.
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Then there was another time I went to get a prescription refilled. I had brought the old container with me. I get to the front of a very busy line and I'm digging away in my purse looking for this container. I reached in blindly and pulled out what I thought was the container and held it up triumphantly to the pharmacist. It was a tampon. The pharmacist looked at me like "Okay.........what do you want me to do with that?" Man, was my face red.

Yes, folks this is my life................
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Speaking of your MIL flailing her hand around to get rid of the gum. That reminded me of the time I was on a very busy street waiting for the light to change so I could cross. I noticed my pants had rode up on my leg so I was shaking my leg trying to get it down again. I shook my leg a little too hard and my shoe went flying off in the middle of the crosswalk so I had to run into the middle of the road waving the cars down so they would stop. I imagine I must of looked like a complete idiot running into the road with one shoe on. :P
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For a short time I was a full-time caregiver to my 83 year old MIL, living in our house (I am no longer married to this man, my MIL was one reason why I divorced him).

Anyway, one day I took her to the Dr. to check her vision. As soon as she sat down in the exam room she decided she no longer wanted the chewing gum in her mouth. She spit it in her hand then tried to toss it in the garbage can a few feet away. The gum was stuck to her hand but some had landed in the garbage. She kept flipping her hand to try to get the rest in the can, the string from that gum started. I jumped up to assist her with a tissue but by that time the gum was still on her hand, to the garbage can (a few times), to the arm of the chair, on her clothes, stringing it all over the place including the floor. I was really embarrassed about that, but managed to get that mess cleaned up when the Dr. opened the door.

He said his pleasantries then moved that large contraption close to her face, you know the one the Dr. says, can you see better here or here, etc. As he was doing that she said, "Oh no, I can't wear that, it's too heavy and too big for my face and what will people think of me." She thought those would be her new glasses, I lost it.
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At the memory center where my Dad had lived, there is this petite, very polished, well dressed woman probably in her early 90's, who has a small dog named Andy. Well one day the dog decided he wanted to run amuck on their floor.... the woman was slowly walking around trying to find him and he would hide from her. It was so cute watching this unfold.

Well, I couldn't believe it when she said as loud as she could " G*d D**n it, Andy, where are you?" Oh my, some of the Aides and I were trying to keep from laughing.
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cwillie ,
theres plenty of humor out there to sustain us but it isnt going to present itself . you have to go looking for it sometimes . the comment sections of the DAILY MAIL can usually be counted on for a good coffee spittin , especially if the article is about relationships .
CRACKED magazine online has some great writers too . the magazine is usually about debunking things that weve always thought to be true -- so -- you learn some interesting thing and learn to look at things from a more " cracked " perspective .
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My Mom said some pretty humorous things too. I remember one afternoon we had gone to Denny's for Lunch. We had a booth facing the entrance. These two men walked in. They looked like something from "The Hills have Eyes" In other words, pretty rough. My Mom turns to me and says in a serious voice"Which one do you want?" LOL

Man, I miss her.
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My mom goes to an exercise class, they let her do whatever she feels she can do, but there try to get her to walk with her walker as much as possible. She had a stroke about 10 yrs ago and it affected her left leg. When she gets tired it's hard for her to make it move. She came out of class one day after a lot of walking and said "I am going to sue this leg for nonsupport!"
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MDKM, this has been entertaining. It's funny what comes out of our elder's mouths sometimes. If they were a naturally funny person earlier in their life, sometimes the dementia makes even funnier things come out - things they wouldn't normally say.

Mom was always a pretty funny, happy lady in her younger days. In her last few years though, with dementia setting in, she became more quiet and reserved. She was always pretty modest and never one to tell dirty jokes (that was Dad's territory).

One day, we were watching TV when a commercial came on for a new show where a 40-something woman was trying to get a job with a younger crowd, and had been trying to blend in with the younger folks at her new job, so she went to the gym to work out with some of the girls (who were in their early 20s) from work. As they were dressing after their showers, they all took off their towels and the two younger women glanced over at the older one and gasped aloud, saying, "Oh my GOSH! Don't you WAX?!?" and "It looks like my MOTHER'S!!"

Mom laughed uproariously at this, then looked over at me and said, "I think mine's gone bald!!"

Thought I'd fall right off my chair in shock!
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Mo had a stroke in June. Regaining her ability to speak has been slow and a lot of work. She still has profound aphasia.

One day the speak therapist was working with her to pronounce the letters of the alphabet. A. B. C. Having Mom repeat each with her...D. E. F...then Mom looks at her and says, just as clear as can be....."what the heck are you trying to spell?"
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My ex-mother-in-law had a great sense of humor, oh how I wished I would have written everything down. We kept in touch weekly even after her son and I had divorced for the past 20 some years.

Well, Ex-Mom-in-law went to France to visit her relatives [she was born and raised there] and she would travel every now and then. On her last trip I asked her how did she enjoy the visit.

She answered, "it was terrible, the only way I would go back would be if I were in handcuffs" :P
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This just happened to me. How many of us misplace something and blame it on Mom, Dad, Grandma or Grandpa? I couldn't find my reading glasses, I searched everywhere I always put them being careful because Mom has picked them up before. Almost giving up, I went to adjust my T-Shirt collar because it just wasn't feeling right and there they were! : P
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A few months ago, my Mom and I went to my Step-Father's Grand-daughter's wedding. It was a large gala affair with dinner and dancing. While driving home from the wedding my Mom said, "It was nice that everyone came to my birthday party." I said yes, it was nice, did you have a nice time? She said, "Oh, yes! I didn't expect that many people would come and everyone was dressed up with tuxes and long gowns!"
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cwillie, so what would you say to your Mom when she walked to breakfast with both her nightgown and her clothes on from the day before? Yes, I said many times, hey Mom you got clothes and your nightgown on, it seemed to make her sad. So, now I say to her "You look fabulous with your style, you look like a model on a fashion show runway. Now, that puts a smile on her face!

My Grand-daughter, who has just learned to use the bathroom needs a little help at night, (she just turned 3) just in case. One day she was helping me get Mom ready for bed asked me what Mom was wearing for underwear. I told her, Mom was just like her, she wears pull-ups. So, from then on that's what we call them.
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My Grandma was a great storyteller, she was the kind of person who just kept talking and talking and telling her tales. The kind of person you had to back out of the door to leave because she kept talking.

One item she used to tell that made people laugh was one about that funeral home that was mentioned above.

It was a wake for a lady's husband. Someone walked up to her and said, "Mrs. Johnson, I'm so sorry about your husband passing, what did he die of?

Mrs. Johnson, with a sad, slow southern drawl said, "Well, he died from Hemorrhoids of the brain."
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Thanks for the smiles this morning.
I wish I had the ability to find the humour in life, I'm just one of those who plod along with grim determination. I can remember I used to laugh when mom got herself muddled up and she'd say It's Not Funny. No, it really isn't.
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I think this is the last one about my grandma.

This was during the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky grand jury. My Grandma was a hard-headed Republican who never had anything good to say about a Democrat, (we all know one, perhaps the other way around). She would have been watching the proceedings if she had her mind, so, I had the TV on for her.

This was the day President Clinton was testifying and it was a hard day for him. I walked by my Grandma and she said, "Miss, when am I going to have a chance to speak up for him."

Playing the role, I said,"Mrs. Davis, he's a Democrat, why would you want to say anything good about him?"

Grandma said, "Well, it seems he's having a bad day and everyone is talking bad about him and I thought I needed to get up and say something positive, to speak up for him because no one else is."

I then said, "Well, if you really want to do that, please wait until the proceedings are over and I'll ask the judge if you can speak, just remain in your seat."

I looked down at my Grandma and she had a big smile on her face and said, "Ok, I'll wait right here." And there she sat for the rest of the day.
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My mom and dad both use walkers, one day I asked them if they were having walker races, dad said no need because he'd probably forget what to do if he caught her!
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Let's see. Something funny my mother did --

One day she picked up the telephone, pointed the receiver into the room, and punched a couple of numbers. Nothing. So she punched them again. And again. Nothing happened. "I can't get this thing to work," she said. "I'm trying to get it on the game show network."

That was 6 years ago. I think it's the last funny thing she did. :-)
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I wish others would share their funny moments.
I thought about this one. My same Grandma, from above, is now 101 years old and it's 1999. She has had several mini-strokes and was now bed-fast in a hospital bed. Two dozen times, in the course of the first year, I told her I had pets but with stroke victims they loose their short term memory. One day my Chow-Chow walked by her bed. She immediately said, "Hey, there is a bear in here, it's going to poop all over the house!" (Notice she wasn't worried about us being injured or killed by the bear, she was only interested in it pooping). Instead of telling her once again that it was my dog I replied, "Oh good, I'll save the poop for your garden." She then said, "Well, I never heard what bear poop will do for the soil." She didn't hardly get those words out of her mouth when my cat walked by. Grandma shouted, "Now, there goes a bunny rabbit and it's going to poop all over the house, too! But save that poop, I heard it's good for the garden."
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Here's another one. One morning my Mom came to exchange places for the week, me one week, my Mom the next. She went into the kitchen and made Grandma a bowl of oats with raisins, I took them to her. Grandma looked into the bowl and said, "I can't eat this, it has bugs in it." I said, "Grandma, those are special bugs, they are super sweet and they will make you have tons of energy." She looked up at me with a puzzled look and said, "Well, ok, if you say so, the good Lord knows I need some energy, I try it." She ate the entire bowl.
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