My mother has end-stage COPD. She lives at home, has oxygen, breathless and weak with exertion. She has lost a lot of weight and not caring for herself. Can still make it to the bathroom, but not more showers or anything. My father lives nearby and cares for her daily; I'm 2 hours away and see her on weekends and will be taking more time off now to be with her. I'm her POA for health care and will meet with the doctor next week with my mom and dad to activate the POA and discuss next steps. I'm terrified of the responsibility. Can I name a joint person, like my sister, though she lives a few states away...or does my mom need to do that while or if she can. I don't like having the sole responsibility and feel that I will just not be able to handle it. What are some practical steps to take and which professionals do I go to to for an explanation of how to approach this, get through this, make informed decisions, and still function. I really don't want the sole responsibility of making an end of life decision--but am also wary of sharing the responsibility or giving it to someone else--and having someone decide something I don't agree with. Does this sound familiar or just indecisive or weak-spined of me. (question mark not working).
It sounds to me like your Mom can't participate in offering you further insight. Hospice (which I heartily endorse, will remove all decisions. Their goal is to provide palliative care only. All my best . . .
It would not be up to you to bring in another person as POA -- only your mother can designate someone in that role. You may certainly get input from your sister and listen closely to her ideas. You are the one the hospital must listen to, but you can talk decisions over with anyone you want to.
Remember that your role is to make decisions for your mother as you feel she would make them for herself if she were able to. What is spelled out in her advanced health care directive? For example, does it specify whether she would want to be resuccitated if she has a heart attack? What do you know about her wishes and beliefs? Is she alert and with it enough for you to discuss such issues with her when you visit?
In general, I don't think shared Health POA responsibility is a good idea. What if the two POAs disagree? What if a decision must be made now, and the other person can't be reached?
Does your mother now qualify for Hospice? That would be a wonderful service to arrange, and the staff will be very helpful to you and the rest of the family, as well as to Mother. Discuss hospice when you see the doctor next week.
Best wishes to you as you travel the last leg of life's journey with your dear mother.