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I've recently been running into some government snafus regarding the spelling of mom's name. Way back when her birth was registered her name was spelled incorrectly. Mom never bothered to change it, after all the only time you needed to produce a birth certificate was when you crossed the border and even then it was hardly more than a formality. Well today it seems you need dozens of pieces of ID just to breathe and that stupid misspelled name is coming out to bite me. Our nurse was in today updating all our forms to the new (incorrect) spelling and wondered if it would cause problems with the death certificate when that time comes. With so many of that generation illiterate (it was normal to quit school after 8th grade) or changing their names to be more culturally acceptable (it didn't pay to be too german in the early part of the last century) you would expect that this can't be a unique problem.
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Gershun, I have know it all in laws. I just let them ramble on and wait to see how outrageous they can get. Of course, I do that to bug husband who says that I exaggerate how bad FIL and MIL can be. I just don't care anymore what *those people* think. I however order the most expensive item on the menu and make a lot of noise eating it to cover the droning sound of politics....I just keep repeating I hope you get what you think you voted for....
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Ah, surprise sis and take hubs along.
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Gershun,
Take the high road, wherever that leads you!
But definitely not out into the street to be hit by a car.
(Hope your hubs was not planning on driving it) Lol.
Have a wonderful Birthday lunch, a Happy Birthday month too!
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Kicking a wheelchair, well that's one thing hubby has not done yet but he does run it into walls, over people's feet off curbs etc. Yesterday he stopped the car so the door could not open. It was blocked by some iron thing that looks like a hitching post for a horse. He did get out and then moved it forward.
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Gershun if she invited you and is going to pay. Just go and enjoy the food if she says something like "You never listen to me" Reply with something like "I absolutely agree, but I do have friends who value my input"
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Thx CM I'll consider your advice. My Hubs made me laugh. He said whatever you do, don't go storming out of the restaurant and run out into traffic and get hit by a car. LOL Oh yeah, I said something about throwing money down on the table and leaving if she pisses me off. He said forget about that, let her pay. LOL
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Cwillie
I'm glad you didn't break your toe when you kicked the wheelchair -
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Sorry. I am not in the class of people who can afford a Texan psychotherapist to myself. I omitted the word "friend", T. p. friend - no therapy, just really supportive advice when I most need it!
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Gershun, I've got a sister like that. I.e. one who huffs and puffs and says oh you're so touchy when in fact she's been grossly offensive and expects people not to mind but just to accept the accuracy, as she sees it, of her judgments. Sometimes I do really think one is supposed to be grateful for the wit and wisdom of her 'constructive criticism.'

But actually, as my Texan psychotherapist put it: "Gaad! What a cow!"

Go the lunch. #1 - have a nice lunch :) #2 - keep an open mind. #3 - go prepared with some topics of conversation that *you* have something to say about, so that she's not having to lead all the time. #4 - if she says something that presses a button, repeat it back to her, as close to verbatim as you can manage, and say "is that what you think, really?" If it's fair, maybe she can defend her remark, or maybe if it gets softened and rephrased you'll feel better about it. The key thing, though, is to challenge it: not just to let her bulldoze you into listening to a heap of nasty comments that you don't appreciate or agree with.

Or anyway that's what I'd do if I still wanted to be the sort of person who has lunch with my sister. But you have to bear in mind that I went No Contact with mine in March and I haven't felt the slightest urge to go back on my decision. Our relationship was stressful *at best*, and it was very rarely at its best.

After the lunch, if you haven't had a nice time, don't do it again. If you have, or if it was better than normal, then do do it again. Pleasing ourselves is something women tend to be really bad at - let's work on it!
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Well I am having a belated Birthday lunch with sis tomorrow. It was supposed to be three of us but other sis begged off cause other sis can be such a pain.

My question is should I even go? She can be so belittling and cold and self-centred and blah, blah, blah. I have made up my mind that if she starts with the subtle put downs and the superior attitude tomorrow that I am going to finally shut it down. Is it wrong that I am going for lunch with her with a plan already. Will I just jump at the first thing she says that rubs me the wrong way? Should I just cancel? If you were me what would you do? I know I am leaving this question kind of late but if there are any late posters out there, please give me some advice. Thx
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:)
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Cwillie,
Durn wheelchair! Did not know an inanimate object could be affected by the full moon too.
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Rainmom, So sorry that bug has visited your house and family. The calling hubs at work to come home is a pretty good record, you must be a very strong trooper.
Hoping you all are better soon!
Thanks for asking about me, cause I am still awfully fine for the shape I'm in.....
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I know what you mean. My mother has nine lives, but I only have one. I wish I had known how many more years. I would have done things differently.
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Back in the Spring I tried to do the changes in bed, even was considering getting a lift, fortunately we were able to get back into a smooth routine with toileting and transfers. I won't go back to that without a fight, cleanup is just easier and more thorough with the ability to actually wash with copious amounts of water. Hindsight is 20/20, if I had known she was going to live forever I would have worked harder at PT two years ago and insisted we keep it up.
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Time to start doing the changes in bed, CW? Do you have a slide sheet for rolling her with? If she really can't stand well enough, then it'll save work and heartache in the long run.

I'm sorry, this is awful. I used to think the top of my head would blow off from the strain of not yelling sometimes. And yes sometimes I just yelled ("... you get it from your father...").
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Intellectually I know her brain is broken and her body weak, but all I require of her in the A.M. is to stand still while I remove her diaper, then help her to sit on the toilet to wash up. After pulling her to her feet multiple times while trying to remove the item and smearing &%$# on her clothes, the grab bars, the toilet seat, her hands I just can't keep smiling and being pleasant... my hat is off to all of you who can.
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Oh no. Now that must have been something bad. Inquiring minds want to know.
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Kicked the wheelchair (mom wasn't in it, she was in the bathroom causing my meltdown) and put a hole on the wall. %&$#!
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Ahh send, so sweet of you to remember and ask after my baby! It was and continues to be a big sick-apoloosa at my house. Day three Rainman was much better but I got hit with it at 8am and was so bad I had to call hubby to come home from work - something I've only done one other time in 18 years and that was when Rainman was in the ER for his perforated intestine. On top of that, the poor sweet young lady who came to bring me supplies day one got it as well - she sat with Rainman while I cleaned up the bathroom. I tell you - I've been feeling pretty low - it's made me think about how on our own hubby and I are - that we're aging without any family that gives a rats behind and someday we'll be too feeble to take care of Rainman- which I've always known but it sure hit home last Saturday while I was praying to the porcelain god. Yesterday both Rainman and I felt better - he was well enough to go out for the day with his lady caregiver - they took it easy and went to her place for lunch and a Disney movie marathon and I washed bedding and towels all day long. BUT hubby came down with it mid afternoon and last time I checked had 101 temp. I've been feeding him Tylenol every three to four hours - plus checking non stop that he's still breathing. Hubby has two heart conditions that for the time being don't bother him but I know a fever can stress the heart. I have never come across such a contagious bug in all my life! Sooo - sorry for the long answer to your sweet and considerate questions! I really do appreciate you're asking! How are you feeling? I saw you had a rough time a couple days ago.
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How is Rainman today, Rainmom?
I know that can be confusing for him to be sick.
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:)
:)
:)
Laughing my a$$ off, now I don't have one either!
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I think those of us who have done the caregiver gig long enough would *never* willingly take the "groom of the stool" job again - not for love nor money. We've seen enough "poo" to last a lifetime and wouldn't care what kind of privilege came with the job!
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:) :) :)
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:)
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Uhm, ahh.... thanks?
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Yes, Off with Willie's head! Don't worry Willie I would catch your head and hang on to it for you. Never fear......:)
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I'm afraid if I had that job in Henry VIII's day I probably would have lost my head.
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Hey, maybe all the caregivers out there who are cleaning their loved one's bums can just pretend they are back in Henry VIII's day and that will make it alright again.
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