You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I told her next time she speaks to him to ask him "why she can't remember stuff"..
And if she talks to him again I said " please tell him I have a lot of questions for him"!
Also she said he was a white man with shoulder length gray hair, no beard or mustache and he wore dress slacks and a regular shirt!
Ha! She just jumped up and said she pee'd her pants.. She said "you gotta change me"
I said "oh no I don't, remember you told God I was the mean one.. Lol
Needless to say my husband was a bit alarmed so he asked Mom if she should go in and check on him. Mom was nonplussed and said "no he's OK" "he takes his clothes off so they don't get wet"
Huh?! I was about to pursue the subject but I realized I would probably be stepping into a rabbit hole. Instead I just took a few deep breaths.
Since my Mexican father moved in with me 5 months ago, I've tried VERY hard to make him homemade Mexican meals using the old family recipes every couple of weeks. I've knocked myself out to make sure all the ingredients have been of the best quality - frequently going to specialty stores and to farmer's markets to ensure the best tasting, freshest foods. I even had a friend come over and teach me how to make flour tortillas by hand.
After 5 months of dicing and slicing and mashing....My sister & I took Pop to a doctor's appointment together. She wanted to take us to lunch after his appointment, so she asked Pop where he wanted to go. His answer? "Taco Bell." Really???? So we went, bought him the 3 tacos for 99 cents. He took a bite and says "Now THAT'S a taco - delicious!"
I think my chin hit the table.....LOL.
When I did this, I couldn't help it, I squealed in surprise. And exclaimed, "You poo!"
He responded, "I poo? I didn't feel it."
I replied, "I just finished cleaning you on the other side and there was no poo. Now there is."
After a few seconds of silence, he solemnly said, "It's a secret poo."
Me: How are you, Mom?
Mom: Oh....fine....just fine....
Me: Wonderful!.....where are you ? (meaning where in the facility....your room....public area.....activity area, etc).....
Mom: Well.....right now, I'm in a Nursing Home.....
Oh dear, dear, rip-my-heart-out dear....LOL.....
I said, "No, you're not. That's why the doctor said you have to use your walker." Then she said, "That's what the doctor prescribed, not 'Tom' (her son she lives with)!"
I was just like, wut? Seriously, I just don't understand how they can't reason even remotely logically; it's so frustrating!
Me: What have you been doing? Dad: Watching porn
Me: Daaad! Dad: What's the matter? I know you and Steve (husband) watch it too? (Insert me and Steve laughing) Dad: What's funny? Me: We do not
watch porn and I can't believe you are watching it! Dad: I like porn star. Me: Porn Star?
He just shakes his head and walks back to the bedroom to watch TV.
About then the commercial ended and guess what comes on?
Pawn Star!
I replied, "Oh really?"... I then joined him with , "HA! HA! HA!....Ho! Ho! Ho!..."
He continued with a wicked laugh "He! He! He!" Then a Santa's laugh, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
We both ended up laughing.
I asked him, "Dad, do I snore in my sleep?"
He asked, "What?"
I repeated it, "Do I SNORE in my sleep?"
He asked, "Some more?"
I said, "NO, DO I SNORE IN MY SLEEP?"
He replied so matter-of-factly, "How would I know if you snore? When you sleep, I sleep!"
Practically all cultures say Bless you in one format or another. It is funny thought when someone gets a fit of sneezing - there seems to be a lot of blessings going around at that time
It is just soooo weird to hear someone call out to themselves 'bless you' when they sneeze - instead of the common, "Excuse me!"... After the 2nd sneeze and Bless You - I started laughing hard.
On Mothers day the whole family gathered- except my brother who lives in a different state. She staryed talking about me, the baby of the family whos cared for for 10 years, and how she didnt want another child and she cried for months.
She then said "Sometimes the one you dont want becomes your biggest blessing". I said "Ah, thank you mom". Without missing a beat she said "Not you, your brother. I dudnt want him either!"
Most might be offended but this is Dimentia. The son that moved out of state 50 years ago is her favorite- why not? His once in a blue moon visits give her great joy. A priceless moment.
About 20 minutes later, he says, "Goodnight. I'm going to sleep now."
I replied, "Okay." More mumblings can be heard.
30 minutes later, I just finished my midnight snack. In a lower voice, I heard a faint, "Goodnight." Not wanting to startle him awake, I didn't reply.... Yay! He's finally asleep. He's not moving, he's not talking, his eyes are closed.
10 minutes later, he's talking aloud with his eyes closed..... oh, well... didn't hurt to hope I would have a few quiet minutes without his constant talking...
He stared at me blearily, and replied, "Change my pamper."
I replied, "Okay."
As I was changing his pamper, I said, "I was hoping not to change your pamper."
He burst out laughing, saying, "yeah, I know!"
Ah, heck...as I'm typing this, I smell poop wafting in the air. His hand is in his pamper!!!