You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I get up and say: Mom, since we just saw this one, I am going to play with my computer for a while.............
We just saw this one????????
When???????????
I knew it would be useless, so I said exactly what was going to happen in the next minute, and it did!!!
She said.........oh, it did happen!!!
I see you in 1 hour mom.............my hour is up.
M88
"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."
(wait five minutes)
"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."
(repeat ad nauseum)
I had given him the pre op instruction list weeks ago, and went over them again with him yesterday. Shower with antibacterial wash, no food/liquid after midnight, wear PJs/robe, leave watch and wallet at home, etc.
I knew there would be some non-compliance based on previous experience, so I gave him a hard look but didn't say much when he insisted on wearing: PJs, shirt and jeans over that, a fisherman's vest full of his assorted junk, an overcoat with pockets filled up with yet more stuff. He wore his fanny pack that holds checkbooks and other junk, and carried a small suitcase with who-knows-what in it. I'm not exaggerating at all. That's what my father wanted to wear to surgery, despite my attempts to get him to comply, despite having my mother call to encourage him to comply. So. It is what it is. I told him this morning to remember to bring picture ID and insurance card.
We get to the hospital. I explain to the sympathetic, understanding staff that I attempted to get my dad to comply, but it's a comfort thing for him to bring all his stuff, and thanked them for their understanding. I asked my dad to get out his insurance card. He said "I didn't bring my wallet because it said 'no wallet'."
They still admitted him. Thankfully.
He replied, "Change my pamper? That's a lot of work!"
Oh, really??? Hmmm... I recall I'm doing most of the pulling, pushing, holding him in place with one hand while the other is cleaning because Someone Forgets to hold on to the railing while on his side... lower back pain...
Of course, I will give him credit because when he turns without my assistance he looks like an overturned turtle with his legs/arms swinging in the air trying to turn. So, maybe from his viewpoint, it Is a lot of work!
Second, if she is that smart to have a plan of escape, let her outta there!
Tonight, as usual, my dad tells me his day. He was saying that Jimmy shaved him. Dad only paid him $10.00 (whereas the last time he paid Jimmy $40.00, before that was $20.00). My dad loves sun glasses. He must have commented to Jimmy about his eye glass because Jimmy offered his sun glasses to dad.
Dad said, "I said no because I know that guy! If I say yes, he's going to say to me, 'It's ONLY $10.00.' ONLY." I burst out laughing because despite my dad's decline mentally, he's still sharp when it comes to his money!
An aide told me after about 5 times she had undone the belt and sent her running to keep her in the chair, the aide said to her "you are wearing me out, every time you take the belt off". Mom simply said "Oh, it was an accident". Dementia and all, the "lie excuse" is still in operation. Yep, that's definitely Mom still in there.
Mom: "Yes, I'm ready, but I'll need a wipe job"
CNA: "Well hop up and gimme that booty!"
Both Mom and I laughed *so* hard....it was just the way she said it. LOL
He's slowly forgetting words. I know it's not funny (to him) but his favorite cuss word (thank goodness it's not the F-word!) is 'bastard.' Except he's forgotten the correct way of saying that word. So, despite his getting so angry and cussing me out, I can't help giggling every time he says it (which pisses him more because while he's getting mad at me, I'm giggling because it's so cute!)
So.... "Behave! You Bastid!"
Then she said, "The bath was so nice! And everything just floats!" (This said while indicating the area of her chest....) ;-)
Tonight, he just sneezed one time. He waited for a while. Then he muttered, "Why limited?" Just a few seconds after saying it, he sneezed hard the 2nd time. He cheered after that.
I got a call from the Medical Transport about his appointment this Saturday. They needed directions to our house. Appointment? I had to call the Home Care office to find out that they have set up an appointment with the podiatrist. You see, for years, he's been complaining about his toenails and painful toes. He enjoys complaining to the home care nurses about his pain, and how Incompetent they are for not helping to relieve it. All weekend, he was lambasting them for not fixing his toes. I kept telling him that he needs to go to clinic for that.
So, they finally made the appointment with the podiatrist - without telling any of us. Whoopee. I get to be the one to break the bad news to him as soon as I got home, at 7:00pm.
After much going around about why there's an appointment for a foot specialist, there was silence.
He finally said, "My toes are not hurting anymore. It's fixed."
I asked suspiciously, "How was it fixed?"
He replied, "J cut the hole bigger on the shoe's toes (cloth zippered slipper). Now my toe is sticking out. See, no more pain. I will call tomorrow to tell them that my toes are okay and I don't need to go to the clinic."
We all had a good laugh. My Mom didn't know what we were laughing about but it was cute and funny.
Guess I woke up a bit philosophical this morning. Better go back to sleep.
I'm watching dad stuff napkins into his front pamper. He wears a catheter.
I asked him,"What are you doing?"
He replied, "The napkins to hold the pee."
I responded, "You don't need the napkins to hold the pee, that's what the pamper is for."
He said, "The pamper is not holding the pee."
I replied, "The reason the pamper is not holding the pee - is because you pulled down the pamper. It's no longer covering you up."
He replied, "I know what I'm doing!"
Yep, he knows what he's doing. He now has a large lump of paper napkins on his lower belly, below the 'bikini line'.
He answered, "No, I'm perfect."