You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
Mom has a little trouble chewing meat and pulls out a piece of the shredded beef and says look - there's a worm in my taco 🐛🌮
Dad said to the nurse, "I'm hungry and she's not giving me food."
Nurse response, "You're not being fed?"
Dad totally said yes to that question.
During that conversation, the nurse had raised her eyebrows and was looking at the food dad was holding.
A brief pause. Then he stated firmly, "I'm not going to school tomorrow."
I said, "Okay."
It used to drive me bonkers when my mom would talk nonstop
Since she is hard of hearing she would often sit in one room and call out my name but couldn't hear when I would reply - what?
So I would have to stop what I was doing and go see what she wanted with her usually saying - I just wanted to know where you were 🙄
Last year around this time we took our last road trip from so cal to Vegas -
5 hours or more depending on traffic and rest stops
Whether she was excited to get out of the house or prescient that this would be her last trip (she had a bad fall 2 weeks later) she yacked the whole way there - finally noting - gee I talk a lot - I'm good company - aren't I?
I suddenly tuned into his mumblings....
Dad,"...mumble, mumble, bank stealing my money... hungry... hey!.. hungry.... hey!..."
In frustration, he said loudly, "I want to go home!...aye yai yai! I AM home!"
So I turned to my brother and asked her how old she thought he was?
She said in his 50s - I said guess again
When he today her he was 73 - she said "good god you're almost 3/4 of a century!" 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀
Do you think she wants some of he trick or treat candy?
I exclaimed, "I'm hungry!"
Dad asked seriously, "You're hungry?"
I replied, "yes."
Dad asked seriously, "When did you change your name?"
I paused...huh?... Ohhhhh. He got me again!
Yesterday, I was helping her with Christmas ideas (!) but I am doing all hers, so I want to get a jump on it. I REALLY wanted to clean, but she won't let me do that anymore, so her place is a disaster.
While we were talking, I was just staring off into space, but she thought I was looking at her countertops, which are filthy and covered in junk. She said "You KNOW that I am leaving this mess behind so you can come in and curse at me for leaving so much junk behind." I laughed and said "Mom, I will clean your place out in an hour. Don't try to hoard more junk on my account."
As I was leaving, mailman pulls up--she "races" to the door to see him (he graciously hands her the mail, although this is a rural type mail service and she is supposed to get mail in the street box) She hands this poor, sweet man 2 Hersheys kisses and says "Here's your kisses for the day". She's positively simpering over this man. He's so kind....and I have witnessed this so often I am not even embarrassed by it.
Humor and grammar gaffes are beyond her now, so I hid my smile and replied simply "you're right, Mom. You're right."
Phoenix, every family should have one of your Mum. Lol.
From now on, just tell yourself you need this funny material for the successful book you are going to write, and make a zillion copies on the best seller list.!!
So tonight we get to the doctor, I told the doctor what I had done and why so I then sat away from them behind a curtain while the doc spoke to Mum. This was not a good time I felt like poo until I heard this:
How did you feel when your daughter called you names?
I wanted a number 2
So your daughter upset you when she called you names?
My daughter calls me Mum
Yes but today when she was angry?...
Oh she's always angry...but don't blame her its my fault.....
Why do you say its your fault?
Well I never wanted to adopt her ...I hate girls...and I don't like you either
Why don't you like me?
Well girls shouldn't be doctors - you should know your place
So getting back to earlier today what happened?
I had soup
Erm I meant when you were having a shower
I never had a shower we have a bath you talk rubbish can we go home now officer?
At that point I know that whatever I said never penetrated
Really? Really??
So I quickly put on his sunglasses and took his photo- several ones. Then I chose the best looking one and showed it to him while complimenting how handsome he looks with his sunglasses. It took a while but he finally agreed he looked "sharp". I've learned since then to be very careful of what photos to show him.
I've reread your post and still got a chuckle from it.
Joan wafer thin and quite hard of hearing finds following a conversation a bit difficult
Mum not so thin and also cannot follow a conversation
Mum- HELLO ITS NICE TO SEE YOU
You’ve put on weight
SHES ON A DIET (LAUGHS)
No You you have put on weight
OH IM NOT ON A DIET JUST JUDITH
I Have Oak meals
DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED?
oh no the carer gets me a pint every other day
NO NO THE MEALS DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED
The carer gets my milk not my meals
BUT YOUR MEALS ARE THEY DELIVERED
Yes every week
ARE THEY FROZEN OR CHILLED?
No
Are they fresh?
Yes I have skimmed
I took her blood sugar, and she thought I was trying to give her insulin. When I gave her the insulin needle, she got mad because she thought that I'd just given her insulin, and she jammed the needle down onto the table and bent it down. I fixed it for her and gave it to her, and she put it in the little container we throw away the used needles in. By now of course, she thought she'd taken her insulin instead of throwing away a full needle. I finally got her to take it. Then I gave her her pills. She said she didn't trust me, and that she wasn't taking them.
I said, "Fine, you're not hurting anyone but yourself." I looked away for a second and then looked back and saw that she had them hidden in her fist. I said, "Did you take them?"
She said, "Yes."
I said, "Show me your hands."
Here's where it gets funny/pathetic. She opened the hand that didn't have the pills (her left hand). I said, "Show me your other hand."
She hastily tried to transfer the pills to her left hand, but one dropped out. It was just so ridiculous and childish ... gahhh. After that she took the pills, but boy ... we have a routine, I don't know why in the world she acts like this.
It's not like I changed up the routine or did something out of the ordinary. Ugh.
So, I asked him, "Do you know who I am?" He looked at me with a confused look and shook his head. I asked, "You really don't know who I am? I'm K." He gave me this very blank look.
Then he said after a long pause and apologetically, "I'm very forgetful." He kept saying it over and over but I can tell from his eyes that he still couldn't connect me to the person K. Oh well, I took this as a compliment and it sure made my day! Especially since he never tells it to me in my face that he likes me and appreciates what I've been doing for him.
Oops.... he just looked at me and said, "I need a shave. Can you shave me? You, who are you?" I guess, he still doesn't remember me - from 2 hours ago....
"People are so surprise when they find out that I'm a federal agent." .. Really? A federal agent?