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my mom has become a paper keeper too. But she ends up throwing them all over, especially under the table, behind the washer, any crevice of the car.
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My dad is beginning to hoard napkins, kleenex and wash cloths on his bed. He doesn't want us to throw it - even if it's soiled. So it's all piling up on the left side of his bed (which I sneakily throw when changing his pamper). Yesterday, he has a new hiding place. As I was changing his pamper, he asked me if I was going to change his shirt. I said no. He said, "good." Then, his right hand reached over, grabbed a napkin and proceeded to stuff it into his already lumpy shirt.
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Mom is discovering new things all the time. She used to be a big reader but was having a hard time, so I tried the large type books and she loves them. She had apparently forgotten they existed, possibly since she never sought them out, before. She is rediscovering favorite authors and books and reading new ones.

And discovering these large type books has been so exciting that she is telling absolutely everyone she meets, "Do you know, there are these large type books that are now available. I have to tell you about them. They're just wonderful!"
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mum wants POA of her!!!!!!!!! "why cant i have POA over ME". Oh so funny! yep mum sign yourself into a NH and sort out your own welfare!!!!!! LOL
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From my previous post, I mentioned how my dad would quote that computer commercial 'slooooow down." I'm watching Long Island Medium. Have you ever heard Therese Caputo laugh? Well, in this 2nd episode, she laughed her unique laugh. Suddenly, my dad started laughing exactly like her. She laughed again. My dad did the Therese laugh. OMG! I couldn't take it. I started laughing.

Yesterday morning, I was watching the Food Network channel. Each hour was a different cook. On the 3rd cooking show, my dad said, "She's a hard working woman. She's been cooking all this time." I looked up at the TV, the first two cooks were brunette (Giada and then Rachel Rae). This 3rd one was a bigger woman - with blonde hair. Okaaaaay....
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I'm tired of watching the reruns on the CNN news and Foxx News. So, I've channel surfed twice before I finally gave up and kept it on the Military channel. This is a channel by the military for their people - latest things going on base, current programs for expecting mothers, etc... I've had it on that channel for about 2 hours.

Dad asked worriedly, "What's going?"
I responded, "Huh?"
He replied while nodding towards the TV, "What's going on? It's showing the military all the time!"

Oops... I quickly turned the channel.
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My bedridden father is gaining weight. I've been telling that he needs to diet - as in cut down on the banana bread and the '1 tablespoon' ice cream that he eats several times a day.

He insists that he is Not gaining weight. Even though most of his slacks no longer close. I now have to tie a string from the belt loop to the opposite belt loop. He is not gaining weight. That his stomach is bloating from the prostate.

This morning, his regular MED/SMALL Depend seemed a bit small. I kept trying to adjust the butt area to ensure it covers him completely so no accidents seep out. He was watching me trying to pull it this way and that, lift up, turn, etc...

He muttered complaining, "They're making these pampers smaller.".... ?!?!
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A lady I have adopted as one of my mothers in the independent living facility in which my Parents live, approached me all upset yesterday.
She said, "I know something is going on with my family, but no one will tell me what it is. I wish they would tell me what it is, so I would know what I'm worrying about."
She and I shared a laugh, but, at the same time, I thought this was quite profound.
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I was running out the door last night dinner with friends...........halfway down the road i forgot my mobile so i went back home to get it...........mum was in the kitchen and asked me what i was doing back? when i told her i forgot my phone she said "gosh you really are losing it a bit lately arnt you? youre becoming a bit of a featherhead?????". OMG!!
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We were poor growing up with only one breadwinner who had a wife and 8 kids to support, with a mortgage, etc.... I remember how my sister and I would open this very thick jcpenney catalogue and pretend to buy all these things from it. We spent hours using our imagination on those catalogues. ...I wonder if this is where our shopaholic tendecies began?
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bookluvr, I remember the days when we would look through the Sears catalog, then go over to the Sears catalog store-front and place our order. When the order came in, the store would call us and we would go over to pay and pick up our order :)

I really do miss the Sears, the Montgomery Wards, and the J.C. Penney's catalogs. It was so easy to find things.
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My dad has re-discovered the joy of ordering through the catalogs. In the past 2 months, he had been ordering a lot of stuff for his arthritis and shoes in this one catalog. He now thinks that I go to the store and place my order from the catalog to the store.

So, we're watching TV. Then the commercial comes on. Dad suddenly exclaims angrily, "Why do they put it in the TV! How are we going to buy it!? They don't even give a phone number or an address!"
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Since 10:00pm, my dad has been talking and talking non-stop. It's now past midnight and he's still talking. Suddenly, he said, "Stop talking, I need to sleep!"

I automatically replied, "I'm not the one who's talking! You Are!"

(It's now almost 1am, and he's still talking....)
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We're watching CNN on the earthquake in San Francisco. Dad is scared of earthquakes, scared of dying. So he was praying to God to protect us and our house. Because if the house gets damaged, we have no where to live.

As he was concluding his prayers, he said, "Give me Liberty or ..." He paused on the next sentence. I was wondering if he would finish the saying "Or give me death." since he's scared of dying.

He finally finished his prayer with: "Or give me Life!"
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Our house is infested with all kinds of ants - black ants, teeny tiny ants, red ants (not the carpenter ones), etc... The black ants are not known for biting but they seem to bite me, like the others. Today, as I'm buying Free ebooks in Amazon all afternoon, I keep getting bitten by the teeny tiny ants.

As I'm putting Salonpas on my dad's hand, I asked him if the ants are biting him.

He said, No.
I replied, "They bite me because they like me."
He replied, "They bite you because they Don't like you!"
I responded, "Ants do not bite food that they don't like. Since they bit me, that means they like me. Since they don't like you, they don't bite you."
He shot back, "Ants only bite those they don't like."

We ended up laughing hard at the ridiculousness of our one man upmanship.
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We need to tell Scott Simon that last one! Last week, my mom was recounting my youngest brother's visit. She told me stuff about each of his three boys and said, I can't recall what he said about the fourth one. She paused and said, is there a 4th one? Nope, mom, no 4th one. "Oh good, I thought I was forgetting one of them"
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MIL on telephone: "I love living here. I was born on a farm, and I plan to die on a farm."
Me: "That's nice, but you don't live on a farm."
MIL: "It's just like a farm! I can see cows from my house."
Me: "What are the cows doing?"
MIL: "Listening to NPR."
Me: "Not you, I meant the cows. What are the cows doing?"
MIL: "I just told you that. They're listening to NPR."
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Dad's sleeping and I just noticed that he didn't have his arm sleeves on. He tends to kick off all the blankets to the floor. So it's important that he has the sleeves on. As I was putting it on, my hand slipped and I lightly hit his face (like a feathers touch).

My bedridden father exclaimed, "Be careful, you almost knocked me out!"

Such an exaggeration! I couldn't help it. I started laughing so hard.
He said, "That's not funny!" .... which made me laugh harder.
As I continued to laugh, he started laughing too.
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While Mama was in respite, I visited her when I was not in the middle of moving my furniture home....During the last visit, I told her I would be so happy to get her back home again... she said...yeah, I'll be happy to be home...but...sometimes I need a break from YOU...... lol
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I came home for lunch. When I walked in, father asked me weakly, "How are you doing, girl?" I replied just as calmly, "I'm fine. How are you doing?"

He replied, "I need Tylenol."
I asked, "Why?"
He replied, "I take all these medicines." (lots of herbal supplements)
I asked, "Why do want to take Tylenol? Are you HURTING?"
He said, "No."

Because he can be stubborn and would keep asking for Tylenol and sis would give it to him, I had to take it a step further.

I said, "If you keep taking Tylenol, it can damage your liver."
He replied, "I can drink lots of water."
I said, "If you keep taking it, and it damages your liver, you will have to go to Dialysis Several Times a Week. And we would have to call the ambulance to take you to the hospital and then back to the house. That's $200.00 each way."

My dad cringed on the $200.00 cost. He replied, "I don't want Tylenol."
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Tonight, my sinus-allergy's been acting up due to the constant exposure of cigarette smoke at work. As I released dad's Depend.. whooee! It really smelled bad. If I can smell that poop with a stuffy face, that means the poop came out of the pamper. So, I pulled down his pants, and did a quick check on the side of his upper legs for poop.

Dad asked, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm checking to see if the poop came out."
He said, "Kmart?" with this puzzled look in his face.
I replied, "I said that I'm .. checking.. to ... see ..if ..the..poop...came out. Not Kmart! Do you really think there's Kmart down there in your pamper?"
He looked at me, then he started laughing so hard, muttering, "kmart!"
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I am now starting to find it amusing the things my parents say about the neighbors, their own doctors, or a store we visit.

If we go into a store and there are hardly any customers, Mom will think the store is going out of business.

Dad recently had some green moss cleaned off one side of the house... he said he bets the next door neighbors are glad he got his house cleaned as they were probably getting tired looking at the moss. Sure, Dad, especially since his next door neighbor has no windows on that side of the house :P

Whenever I drive my parents somewhere and we get out to the main intersection, and there are more than 10 cars waiting at the traffic light on either side, my Dad will say a road must be closed somewhere. Dad doesn't realize that is normal traffic.
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Thank you everyone for the good laugh! So many funny stories. I will share mine too when I remember them.
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Whenever my mom is down or not in the best of moods, I will start saying a nursery rhyme. She will finish it for me and it always seems to cheer her up. Well, that is until today when she was in an especially sour mood. I scooted my chair close to her and whispered, "Did you know that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb agreed to have a battle?" She turned and looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't care if they did."
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Upon viewing a computer cover laying on our table, our mother said, "That looks like something dad would wear." When we explained to her that it was actually a cover for the computer, she exclaimed, "I don't care what it is, it looks like something dad would have worn!" We just agreed and chuckled to ourselves.
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The were playing the song "Footloose" yesterday on the Today show. I started doing my best version of the dance to that tune...Mama was watching intently...and afterwards said "I wouldn't give you two cents for that bunch of mess again".... :)
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"Vitin asked me for $500 towards the wedding. ... He's crazy about me. ... Can you pitch in? I only have $220."

Well folks, she's pushing 80 and Vitin is 27. Need I say more?
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"Well those stick-on handles aren't worth the packaging they come in, and no one is drilling holes in my nice bathroom tile," my 91-year old dad to his doc while discussing bathroom safety.
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I always chuckle when they play that commercial, MyCleanPC. It never fails. My dad may be quiet or I think he's sleeping. As the commercial is playing, my dad would suddenly say, "Sloooow Dooown." And then right after he says this, the commercial would say, "Sloooow Dooown."

I asked him why the man is telling us to slow down. He said that we use to the computer so fast, that we break it. That's why the man said, "Sloooow Dooown." See all those broken computers.
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Yes FF my friends mum was on an aeroplane with her son (early alz) she kept asking for the key to her room and getting quite agitated!
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