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A few weeks ago, my dad said that he was 88 years old. Today, just making conversation, I asked him how old he was. He said 71 years old. I asked him why 71. He said: "1999 - 1928 = 71." I'm 71 years old.

I said, "But, Dad, this is not 1999. We're now 2015. So... " I started counting the years from 2015 - 1928 = 86 years old.

Nope. He insists he's 1999 - 1928 = 71 years old. okaaaaay....
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D*rn iPad! Misspelling is not my fault. The iPad doesn't know how to spell!
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Mom was squirming a little sitting on the sofa. My husband said "Mom, can I help you up to go to the bathroom?" She smiled and said "I really don't like fresh tomato"s." Steve and I just didn't know what to say. So I got up and asked her if she needed any help to go to the bathroom. She said "why are you asking me about tomato's, you don't have any." We all just sat back down. Shortly thereafter, she got up and said "I am gong to the bathroom." We just shook our heads up and down as okay.
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My dad lately responds to the TV as if they're real.

Tongiht, the Christian Children's Funds commercial came on. As the man was talking, he said, "Any you" with a short pause (before continuing to ask for donation). Without missing a beat, my dad replied to the man, "ME!?!"

He said it with such feelings/emotions, that I couldn't help it but chuckle.
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My Mom was in the emergency room with yet another UTI. The doc came in (a nice looking guy) and told Mom he'd be right back, he had to go check on her test results. She lifted her eyebrows and said "don't get lost!". He smiled and walked out. She turned to me and said "he's really good-looking". I said yes, he is. Then, I teased her all afternoon that she had a crush on the doctor. I couldn't help myself. I was a turkey, but she was adorable.
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My father was picking his nose. He said, "The inside of my nose is cold. It's freezing my brain. And that's why I'm forgetful."
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Mom and I were in the emergency room and was really hungry. We asked if she could have something to eat - even a little yogurt. When they did let her eat, several hours had gone by and she was starving but they brought a nice assortment including a juice box. I was getting it all ready, handed Mom her yogurt with the spoon in it and she stuck it in her mouth to suck up the juice from the juice box. We both got a chuckle from that.
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My mom was recently examined by a physical therapist, he was looking for Benign Praxosmal Positional Vertigo. He was moving my mom in different positions to check the reactions in her eyes....so he told my sis to put her finger up so mom could focus on it...mom just said...Yes It looked at your finger....her expression was so what it was just a finger!!! Sis told the therapist she probably thinks we are both nuts...mom replyed...Only HE has nuts!!
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My grandma and I were in front of the mirror this afternoon. I had gotten a hair cut and we were discussing if she thought she needed one. She was staring at herself in the mirror when she announced, "Is that me in the mirror?" I replied, "Yes." She replied, "I have a lot of wrinkles and what happened to my hair? It's gray!" She was quiet for a minute then announced, "Boy I'm old." I think she seriously forgets how old she is. :)
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Mom and I were waiting for her taxi ride to the senior center. While we were waiting, She was complaining about having to go out.

Then, she started asking if there's some way she could retire - if there was some kind of payment you can get so that you can stop working and have a little money coming in. I reminded her that she's already retired, that she's 86 and gets social security.

I don't know how to explain this to the reader, but she's trying to retire from having to go to activities at the senior center - she finds them strenuous (but her doctor wants her to go to them and she agrees to do it).

Maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" kind of things.
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My friend's mom a recent widow was complaining that she needed work done around her house. Her mom was early stage ALZ. My friend asked why she didn't call her neighborhood handyman. Her mom responded "Oh no, I can't call him he's too erotic". My friend immediately thought the worst and asked "has he made a pass at you?" Her mom was instantly offended and demanded to know "why on earth would you ask me that?" Turned out she meant erratic.
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My 80 year-old mother was in the kitchen. My daughter was at home with her and was walking up the stairs from lower level and heard some rather regular gasping. As she got to the top of the stairs, there is a pass-through that looks into the kitchen. She spied the top of my mother's white head and it appeared that she was bent over gasping for oxygen...woosh-woosh, woosh-woosh. My daughter rushed into the kitchen to help her poor old grandmother. There was grandma, her head hung over a hot dog and roll on the counter. Her two bony hands grasping the French's mustard , upside-down and it was apparently empty but she squeezed and squeezed until she finally muttered...."da**ed mustard's out."
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I gave dad a Mochi coffee cake. After done eating, he drank some water. Stared at the cup and then set it down. I heard him mutter something about 'water'. I assumed he meant that he wanted me to refill his cup. As I was about to pour water into it, I gasped - not expecting to see anything other than water in his cup. (I never know what I will find in my dad's cup - most times it's his chewing gum.)

He heard me gasp, and said, "There's an animal in there."

I stared hard into the cup trying to figure out what it is. I replied, "There's no animal in there. That's your cake."
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This isn't really a said thing but more so an action thing. We try to put my grandma on a schedule to help her sleep at night so after 4 pm, we keep her awake. From 4 to 4:30 it's tough but after that she stays awake on her own. Anyway I woke her up at 4:15 and then again at 4:18 and then again at 4:30 and she picked up the blanket she was laying with (She's always cold so is always covered with blankets) and tried to stuff it in her ears stating, "A person can't get any sleep around here." I grinned stating, "That is the point. You've been sleeping all day!" She of course like always looked at the time, "Is it 4 already?" We all laughed. Little moments like that are funny around here. Perhaps are the ones who need sleep.
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A few days before my mom died she said our cat should be a "seeing eye cat." Whenever I think of her saying it, I smile. She was a bit loopy at the time from the drugs, etc., but she always had great sense of humor too, so it's something (one of the very rare things) that makes me happy.
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My dad asked if the taxes were paid-I'm guessing he meant property taxes which since he hasn't owned a house for over 11 years. Unless he was thinking of the AL as his house.
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I had to remind my mother that she was married to my father for 60 years."60 years!" she exclaimed. "You mean to tell me that in all that time I never had a boyfriend?"
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"Do we need more bread in the napkin holder" and sure enough I look and there are slices of bread in the napkin holder.
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Our livingroom is very cold. Our air con is acting up and can no longer adjust the temperature. It's stuck on 64 Fahrenheit. I've had to buy long arm sleeves for dad to wear, thick gloves, long thick socks. Sometimes when I change his shirt, I can feel his ears are freezing cold. Since we live in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and never experienced snow, I couldn't find one of those winter caps you see in TV in which it also covers the ears. I found a set of 3 for about $10.00 on ebay.

One night, while he was sleeping, I noticed that he wasn't wearing his cap. After I put it on, he said with his eyes still closed, "Good! My brain was freezing!"
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You've coloured your hair - yes I have - it doesn't look any different
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My dad declares today, "I'm 88 years old."

I paused in the middle of changing his pampers, frowning. 88? I could have sworn he was age 84 last year. So, I started counting with my fingers. I said to him, "You're not 88. You're 86."

He insisted he's 88. And I held up my fingers and started counting his age by 10s (10, 20, 30, 40...) Again, he looked at me with disbelief.

After a while, he said, "Why did I think I was 88 years old?"
I replied, "I don't know."

More time goes by as I continue changing his pamper. Suddenly, he said, "I'm making myself old!..... I've been telling people that I'm old, at 88!"

Just the sound of his indignation for aging himself, I burst out laughing so hard. He looked startled, and then he started laughing hard, too.
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My dad complained about his "new" hearing aids, saying he missed his old ones. I reminded him he hated the old ones and constantly complained about them. Constantly!

His reply: "We'll, there's nothing like your own ears."
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I decided that since it's close to Xmas, I will turn off the TV and not watch CNN/Fox News. I figured dad would like to hear the Xmas songs. I turned on the radio, and it was a very slooooow Xmas song. (Like Sinatra's time but even slower versions of his songs.) When dad heard the song, he made a grunt of disgust.

I replied, "That's from YOUR time! Very slow singing."
He laughed. And then he started singing a more current fast-paced xmas song.
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My grandma will announce that she isn't that dirty since she didn't go out and roll in the mud today when she doesn't want a shower. Luckily our caregiver that comes in and gives her one will laugh and take her in anyway.
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My mother also sometimes just gets angry and blurts out that she's lazy. Bathing is one of those things she'll sometimes say that for.
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LOL! OnlyMe - I completely get that one! (That's funny, but sad, too.) Like Mom telling me, very emphatically, that the reason she wouldn't shower was, "I'm LAZY, ok?!?!" Well, not much I could say to THAT....
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That's funny but frustrating, I know. I'm getting a bit of a laugh because my Mom is the same way.
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After trying to get mom to attend a community senior center that was offering all kinds of fun classes, and her refusing to go, she was having none of it! I was really upset because I need her to get out sometimes, and she desperately needs the social interaction. So in the heat of this convo, she stamps her feet and exclaims " I don't want to have fun!". Ok. You just said that. Woa.
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Oh my, Malsings07...that must have been a shocker! LOL
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My Dad was sitting on the side of his bed looking down toward the floor and looking sad I said "Dad are you okay?" and he said "I have a problem" I said "What is it?" he said I got this lady pregnant and how am I going to tell your mother? my Dad is 83!
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