You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
Then later, she told me she'd lost her marbles, and if I found them, I was to give them back.
Yesterday, I took Mom for what is called a Light Field test. The test subject stares at a fixed spot and lights flash all around the peripheral area. The subject is supposed to click a button each time they see a light flash. But Mom couldn't wait and started clicking like a wild maniac. Here's the exchange between her and the tech doing the test.
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
Tech: You don't have to click until the test starts.
(Mom stops clicking)
(tech adjusts the headrest)
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
Tech: No, not yet.
(Mom stops clicking)
(tech adjusts the light)
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
Tech: No, not yet.
(Mom stops clicking)
(tech does something else)
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
You get the idea. It was hysterical. I'm glad it was dark in there because I couldn't keep a straight face. A couple times, I did the old cough-to-hide-the-laugh-thing. I can't believe I held it together through that. It was the funniest thing I've seen in ages -- it could have been a comedy skit.
I responded......'It IS close, It's the DISHWASHER!"
Father was also looking down. He said, "Ew! Is that poop! It stinks!"
I replied, "Yep, it sure does!!!"
Another one is that my father-in-law asked my husband last night if he was his husband!
Just now, I smiled at her and said, "Say, why don't you take a bath, today? Tomorrow I'll be doing the laundry and I can wash absolutely all your clothes so you'll have a fresh start. Also, we were going out to breakfast, this weekend, and you'd be all fresh for that, too." I not only smiled, but said it in the most cheerful voice I could, as if it were a great idea!! :-)
She smiled a little smile and said, "Well, I didn't think about that. I guess I'll go do that in a minutes."
A minute goes by and she looks and me. I can see that the light bulb just turned on and she says to me, "I lost my opportunity to argue my case against it, didn't I?"
We both chuckled a little and she gave in gracefully on her defeat and went to take her bath.
Maybe not all that funny, but I think it's kind of cute.
So, I go to the other end to pull the large waterproof bedpad to me. He leans forward to pull himself at the same time towards me. 1, 2, 3! I pulled hard, he tried to pull himself to the railing. I ended up doing the most pulling. And hurt my back.
I told him that he needs to help me because he's too heavy for me.
He looks in me in the eyes and said in a very serious voice, "Next time, we put roller skates under my back."
Apparently, while at breakfast with my SIL and her sons this morning, the boys were acting up and picking on each other, like brothers will do. SIL's mom ( who *never* swears) got tired of it, and said, "Well, that's why your mom's such a b****, look how you two act!!" - and then, while everyone's jaws were hanging, she immediately backpedalled and tried to explain that she didn't mean that the way it sounded....LOL
So, as I just taped up his pampers, he would grab the hanging trapeze and lift himself up while I pull his slacks up to his waist. Sometimes we take turns counting up to 3, or we say it at the same time.
Together, we said, "1, 2, 3!" As I pulled up his slacks, he continued counting, "4, 5 - glad to be alive!"