You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
In retrospect, all she really knows is how to be a wife and a mother. So I don't blame her. I told my grandkids to go sit on her lap for a while to quench her motherly instincts.
"why am I here, you know I don't like this, I'll get you for this, etc."
So luckily with my experience the first thing I did was greet her with a huge smile and told her that I was going to make her beautiful, so just relax and enjoy this it is your time, were going to have fun. Luckily I hit her good side and she was very pleasant to me. I colored her hair,waxed her facial hair, cut and styled her hair... she was with me for about 2 hours. Her husband got his haircut by another operator when he was waiting with the aide and the other woman I chatted with them for a bit because they seemed concerned that the wife was going to give me a hard time, I picked up on the fact that the hubby had dementia as well. I winked and said she;s fine I can handle it. I said to him I'm making your wife beautiful for you , he said "she looks better today than the day we married" I told the wife what he said, she rolled her eyes. It was cute.
Most of my co workers can't deal with people that have Dementia, can't imagine why? LOL ....
So we get all done, she looked great I said to the wife you need to go on a date with your husband you both are looking so good! She say's "With him, rolled her eyes again." Time to pay the bill ...he asked my boss at the register how much (my boss doesn't get the situation at all) he say's the price the hubby almost had a heart attack say's "WHAT????" "I can't afford that,"
The Wife say's ":THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM !!!" It was quite hysterical... we all busted a gut laughing. He was obviously thinking it was the 50's and she had no trouble telling him pay up buddy, I am worth it!
I wish I had a video camera .
The chaplain asked her where she had gone to church. She replied "Church of Christ". She could tell by his reaction that her answer was incorrect. She gave it another try and immediately said, "I meant First Baptist". Still wrong by his expression. She tossed her head and said dismissively, "I change churches a lot".
Fast forward to present: she took another tumble yesterday morning, from her wheelchair this time. She insisted she was fine and continued on with her day, but by suppertime she was beginning to show signs of discomfort. By this morning she was in pain - so much that she couldn't even sit up. She asked if I thought she might have gone and broken her other hip. I told her the only way to find out for sure was to get it x-rayed, but she'd be wise to prepare herself for that possibility. She sighed heavily, thought for a few seconds, then said. "Well Tyler will be happy to find out his great-gram is antibiotic." :0
Good news - her x-rays revealed no broken bones. Bad news (for her) - the doctor wanted to keep her overnight...hinted at a possible few days in rehab as well. Best news - hubby and I get a brief respite! :)))
Liking the funny stories on here. My mom sent me an email it said-" my outrich does not wrap". any ideas anyone?
"Yuh," MIL replied, "open this door if you would and throw a handful of (male body part)'s out onto the deck for the squirrels."
Not sure she heard correctly, the hairdresser leaned in a little closer and said, "I'm sorry...a handful of what?"
"(male body parts)!" said MIL. "There on the table...in the bag."
The hairdresser looked where MIL was pointing. "Oh!...PEANUTS!!"
Now whether MIL was actually using the incorrect word (which she does sometimes) or just not enunciating clearly we'll never know, but it sure rocked the hairdresser back on her heels for a few seconds!
BTW- I just now saw your suggestion--"My ostrich does not rap". HAHAHAHAHA I guess that could be it because I doubt that , were she to have an ostrich, it would, indeed, not rap!
I did not ask her what she meant because she is a bit sensitive about her decrease in mental capabilities. She understands that she is losing skills and she hates it. --sorry not funny, I know. Not funny at all. But my ostrich does not rap is!!!! :0)
Another instance overheard between mom & pop in law..... dad: look out the window.
Mom: WHAT?
Dad: It looks like sleet.
Mom: What?
Dad: (he spells it) S L E E E T. Sleet!
MOM: You spell sleet S L E E T. That's how it's spelled. Why do you want to know? (She has not looked out the window)
Yesterday, I told her my ( absent, non participative, selfish) sister and (helpless except to light the cigarette and open the can of beer) brother would each be coming to town for a visit and won't that be nice? She got an indignant look on her face--which is also difficult for her to do now-- and roared, in her inimitable Leo fashion : NO!! Heaved a big sigh, closed her eyes and let me continue feeding her a nice fresh peach.
Ah, it is more ironic than funny, but satisfying, doncha think?
We came to her house to find her packing so she could "get on the train". She had filled her suitcase with important things like underwear and... more underwear... and then... all her underwear. The entire drawer's worth of underwear. And a quart of milk.
And then a few minutes later, she looked right at me and said, "Are there (Japanese people) in my kitchen?!" Of course she did not say "Japanese people", she used a different term. She was livid. She was going to tell those people to get out of her kitchen! We assured her that that wouldn't be necessary... I'm not sure she believed us.
She also once told us this amazing story about her "friend", Jenny, who as far as I know didn't exist. "Jenny" apparently tried to climb a tree, "but they shot her. I saw it, right out this window. I spoke at her funeral, we just had it a little while ago in the dining room." No matter how many times we went to see her, she was always happy to tell us about Jenny and her funeral that had just happened that same day.