You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I didn't know where that question came from. Because I didn't answer right away, he repeated the question.
I finally replied, "No. If I took the car, it would sink in the ocean."
Uhm..the only way out of here is by airplane. We live in an island, not in the mainland.
Anyways, she can rinse her hair out for ten minutes and still think she has shampoo in it, so I just rinse it out for her most of the time because I don't exactly want to stand there for half an hour while she gets soap out of her hair that isn't even there (all the while complaining how cold she is, but unwilling to just put the stupid shower thing down and get out of the tub).
Last hair-wash day, I rinsed her hair out; I even did it a second time just to satisfy her. But she still insisted she had soap in her hair. I told her no, she didn't, and turned the water off. She got that jutting-chin, narrowed-eye look and started arguing while I gave her her towels. I turned to leave the room and she said, "How about I hold you down and soap you all over?"
I couldn't get out of there fast enough, I was cracking UP. You'd have to know her, and hear the tone of her voice, but it was hilarious.
Dad said he was going to start driving again... it's been six years since he was back behind the wheel, since then this eyesight has faded and his knees don't work well. I reminded Dad of that.
Then Dad said he was going to have Mom do the driving.... I reminded Dad that Mom [she 97] is legally blind.... doesn't matter as Dad said he could tell her when to stop, when to go, when to turn, etc. Ok.
Then I had to remind Dad that Mom is also deaf.
Today, he has another accusation. My dad is a hoarder despite being bedridden. He will keep his vinegar water for days. He also keeps trying to save the empty plastic container of his chocolate drink. I know him. He will use these plastic bottles to keep his vinegar drink. So, when I come across it, I throw it away.
After drinking one tonight, knowing I'm there, he said, "I need to hide this bottle. If K sees it, she will throw it." Because it's so true, I started laughing. He looked startled and started laughing so hard.
He stared at me blearily, and replied, "Change my pamper."
I replied, "Okay."
As I was changing his pamper, I said, "I was hoping not to change your pamper."
He burst out laughing, saying, "yeah, I know!"
Ah, heck...as I'm typing this, I smell poop wafting in the air. His hand is in his pamper!!!
About 20 minutes later, he says, "Goodnight. I'm going to sleep now."
I replied, "Okay." More mumblings can be heard.
30 minutes later, I just finished my midnight snack. In a lower voice, I heard a faint, "Goodnight." Not wanting to startle him awake, I didn't reply.... Yay! He's finally asleep. He's not moving, he's not talking, his eyes are closed.
10 minutes later, he's talking aloud with his eyes closed..... oh, well... didn't hurt to hope I would have a few quiet minutes without his constant talking...
On Mothers day the whole family gathered- except my brother who lives in a different state. She staryed talking about me, the baby of the family whos cared for for 10 years, and how she didnt want another child and she cried for months.
She then said "Sometimes the one you dont want becomes your biggest blessing". I said "Ah, thank you mom". Without missing a beat she said "Not you, your brother. I dudnt want him either!"
Most might be offended but this is Dimentia. The son that moved out of state 50 years ago is her favorite- why not? His once in a blue moon visits give her great joy. A priceless moment.
It is just soooo weird to hear someone call out to themselves 'bless you' when they sneeze - instead of the common, "Excuse me!"... After the 2nd sneeze and Bless You - I started laughing hard.
Practically all cultures say Bless you in one format or another. It is funny thought when someone gets a fit of sneezing - there seems to be a lot of blessings going around at that time
I asked him, "Dad, do I snore in my sleep?"
He asked, "What?"
I repeated it, "Do I SNORE in my sleep?"
He asked, "Some more?"
I said, "NO, DO I SNORE IN MY SLEEP?"
He replied so matter-of-factly, "How would I know if you snore? When you sleep, I sleep!"